The Family Tree Project

To start, school is going okay thus far. The kid is finishing up week 3 and things are okay, not great, but a hell of a lot better than last year. We're working on it and I'll take it for now.

I attended the parents' night last week and we got an assignment I've been dreading. The kid is to make a family tree. There are a couple of reasons why I haven't been looking forward to this.

The first - and really biggest - is I just don't understand the reason for it. Be assured I've emailed the teacher and am awaiting her response to answer this question. I'm hoping it will help give us some direction to take. She's a veteran teacher, so I'm certain the kid isn't the first kid she's had with adoption, or another "non-traditional" family dynamics/compositions. Because the 2nd reason I'm not loving this is that I'm uncertain how to proceed.

First, I just don't get the reasons for this whole thing. I mean, why??? What do children learn from this project. A friend suggested that it is about helping children learn about their own placement in a family, which can be a building block to understanding the structure of society as a whole. That makes sense. However, I still don't think this is an appropriate assignment; this could be taught in a different way.

Families look so different and many won't fit into the traditional "family tree model". There are an infinite ways for families to be composed in addition to the biological mom/dad/2.5 kids approach. There are blended families with step-parents/kids. There are single parent families where the other parent may or may not be known to the child. There are grandparents or other relatives raising children. There are children in foster care or residential facilities. There are children who may or may not know who their biological fathers or mothers are - due to adoption, being conceived as a result of rape, being conceived with donor eggs and/or sperm, or a myriad of other reasons.

Now, because the boys' adoptions are open, and we've had them since birth, we have some of the biological family history. However, it's quite limited, particularly for the kid. So this further complicates matters (if he does want to include his birth family, that is - which I will very much encourage him to do, but, in the end, it's up to him).

I've seen suggestions of using a roots approach (i.e. putting the birth family as the roots and the adoptive family as the branches). But I really - I mean, really - dislike this idea. To me, when I think of roots, I think of something that is hidden under the ground and not seen.While they're vitally important to the tree, I'm not okay with this being where the kid's birth families are put.

Additionally, to me, roots seem like referencing the past. And the boys' birth families are not just a part of their past. They are a part of their present, and hopefully a part of their future.

I do like the idea of using either hearts, leaves, or hands (as leaves) on a tree (no roots of course). Then the kid can write the names of family members and other important people he wants to include. I also like the idea of a big puzzle, with the names of different important people/family members on each piece.

I think what I need is to have some ideas, a few suggestions for the kid on a starting point. Where he decides to go with this is obviously up to him. But I need to get comfortable with it before I can even present it to him. Because the last thing I want is for HIM to be uncomfortable with it.

You have any experience or ideas about this project? I'd love, LOVE to hear (well, you know, read) them!

Today's Lesson: First grade is when shit gets hard, y'all. Man. Or maybe it's that it continues to be hard, just in a different way. Okay, re-framed lesson of the day - parenting is hard.

Slaves and Kettlecorn

 

We recently headed downtown for a Saturday morning at our local Farmer's Market. It's right in the middle of our downtown and I love it. So do the boys. Hubby loves the kettle corn. He tolerates the rest of it for us. Which I appreciate.

 

This particular day hubby had his mandatory bag of kettle corn. It was particularly crowded, probably because the weather was absolutely perfect. Hubby, not being at all a fan of crowds, and only tolerating the FM overall, decided to have a seat and munch on the kettle corn with the kid while baby E and I finished up our shopping and general wanderings.

 

Baby E and I went off to enjoy the bounty while hubby and the kid snacked away. Hubby then happened to notice this sign behind them. If you're local, you probably know the history of this particular area of town. And I did, too, but I'd never really thought about it too much. Til hubby pointed it out to me, and the irony of the spot they'd chosen for their snack.

 

The sign says:

Slave Auction Block

African Americans were sold as slaves at this Auction Block on the public square in the 19th century. [Our city] was the center of slave trading in [our state] by the late 1840's and serviced as a market for selling slaves farther south. Thousands of slaves were sold at [this location], including children who were separated from their parents.

 

Less than 200 years ago, not only would my family have been impossible - illegal! - my children could have been sold. This reality smacked me in the face and left me without words for several minutes (and, lets be honest, that's quite a feat).

 

I still haven't really processed it completely. Because every time I start to think about it, and specifically when I start to think about the day when my sons have this same realization, I am overwhelmed with sadness, anger, disbelief, and indecision. I have no idea how to talk to them about it. And then I am grateful that I don't have to. Yet.

 

 

Today's Lesson: Sometimes we all seek solace and safety in procrastination. And just sometimes that's okay.

Biker Boys

 

My biker boys are hardcore. Always helmeted. The big one padded up, too. Cruisin' the park with speed in mind.

Flirtin' with the girls. Flashin' smiles and yellin' "hi! hi! HI!!!!!!". Coming to a complete standstill to watch people go by. Holding up traffic. Giggling and grinning nonstop.

 

And that's how we roll. Literally.

 

 

Today's Lesson: Bikes are fun. I may just have to get me a bike.

The Cubicle Chronicles: Chapter Two

Subtitled: More things my ears were assaulted with while at work.

If you'd like some background on the Cubicle Chronicles, see this post.

Lady 1: Girl, you is buyin' my lunch tomorrow for dealin' with this mess.
Lady (and, I mean seriously, I use that term so very loosely) 2: A'ight. I'll take ya to the titty bar. Except the one where we can see pensises. 'Cause who wants to look at titties when you eatin' lunch? (No. Words.)

I think you need to shut the hell up before I punch you in your face through the phone. (Now, I am hoping beyond all hope that this was not to a patient. Because, if it was, it goes way past funny to just that-woman-has-got-to-be-fired status.)

This day and age, I think they oughtta just put antidepressants in the water. Because clearly everybody needs them nowadays. I mean, just look at all of us. (Well, if the employees here are your litimus test, I can see how you'd come to this conclusion...)

Man 1: Gonorrhea? Yeah I've had that before. Man 2: Yeah, it's hard to treat, isn't it? Man 1: Yeah, but trich is even harder. You gotta use Fl.agyl. I got this one wrong on the test. (And it was at this point that I put my bugged out eyes back in t heir sockets and realized they were students who were talking about diagnosing and treating STD's, not having them themselves. Good one on me.)

I have had two, yes two, huge anus-es since I've been here. And, yes, I apparently did just say that out loud. (And, um, welllllll, I admit that I have to take credit for this one. What can I say? I was talking about patients. But still.)

Hello STitches. You know, 'cause you can't say "hello      B!tches" when you're at work. (Clearly. Because we have high standards and boundaries here.)

Also, every time I go to the location where the majority of this banter occurs, a major allergy attack happens. I mean, really, even my sinuses are offended by that place.


Today's Lesson: Just a thought, but perhaps at work, on the phone, in your cubicle, isn't the proper place to have a fight with your "undersexed, al-co-hoe-lic, don't wanna never shower" ex husband.

Dear Toothfairy,

 

The kid had to write a letter to that tooth fairy. He lost another tooth last week (and is kind of starting to look funny because most of the new ones haven't made lots of progress in growing in yet).

 

The reason for the letter is because of where he lost it. He was at gymnastics class, doing what he does there (you know, nonstop movement). He jumped in to one of the pits, and came out with one less tooth. Now, me, well, I'm totally grossed out by this. I mean, his tooth is down there in that pit. It will never be found. And it makes me wonder what else is down there in that pit. Seriously, just ew.

 

Anyway, back to the kid. He was really concerned that the tooth fairy, you know since she's rather unreliable at our house anyway, would either not realize she's supposed to come to our house, since there was no actual tooth in the pillow, or wouldn't believe him that he'd lost it. We assured him she would know, and would fish that tooth out of the pit.

 

But apparently he still needed to make SURE. So he wrote this note for her. He wrote and spelled the whole thing himself. The picture is  by far my favorite part. It cracks me up. Mostly because that is just about what his mouth looks like right now.

 

 

Today's Lesson: It's funny the things that make our kids worried and stressed. Like the tooth fairy not delivering.

In the last 30 Hours...

I have:

• Made and frozen 12 breakfast sandwiches (egg, cheese, bacon, English muffins)
• Made and frozen 2.5doz high protein cookies for breakfast/snacks
• Made (and yet to be frozen) 1.5doz muffin-size quiches
• Made and frozen 2doz muffin-size potato/egg casserole things
• Made and frozen 12 ham and cheese sandwiches
• Canned 11 quarts of tomatoes (with my mama's help/supervision)
• Done countless dishes - at least 4 dishwasher loads and who knows how many by hand
• (In addition to all the other normal weekend cleaning, etc...)

Tomatoes, in the wine cooler. Our priorities are obvious.

Dude, I am tired. And I'm not going anywhere near the kitchen tomorrow. Hopefully.

Today's Lesson: Sometimes, in an effort to "prove" that your time on Pinterest is not in fact wasted time, you will decide to get all organized and crap. And make enough food to feed your family for a month (at least for breakfast). It may seem like a good idea. But, damn, will it wear you out. Nap accordingly.

Randomosity

This may be the longest I've gone without posting. No particular reason. I guess we've been busy, and I haven't really had much to say. But, here are a few tidbits of randomness...

• The kid started 1st grade yesterday. Day went fine. No meltdowns, no major love expressed either. Seems good overall.
• I didn't cry when he started yesterday either. That also seems good.
• I did take the day off work to be there when he got home. That was definitely good.
• I'm still quite worried about how this year at school will go. I think I have PTSD from last year. Kidding. Mostly. Sort of.
• Baby E continues to wear his unner-wears. He seems to do better (accident-wise) in the mornings than afternoons. That may be related to me watching him more closely then. Or not. Who knows. I'm still not overly concerned about or focusing on it.
• I have a post brewing in my head about how our approach to potty training is a perfect example of what vastly different parents hubby and I are now as compared to when the kid was baby E's age.
• I ate cold pizza for breakfast this morning. It was good. Now I have nothing for lunch, though, which is, you know, not good. Perhaps bad planning on my part.
• I need a new cell phone. It likes to turn itself off when I send text messages. So I'm never quite sure whether the message went or not. In other words, if you get multiple texts from me, it's probably because my phone and I are not getting along.
• My friend JE suggested on her blog that we need to come up with a new name for baby E to use in blogland. You know, since he's nearly 2 and all. It seems a valid point. However, he's recently started referring to himself as "baby", instead of "me" or his name. So we'll see.
• Which reminds me that I seriously need to get to work on his party planning stuff.
• I also have a 2nd instillation of the Cubicle Chronicles in the works. You're welcome, in advance.
• Some days I have more patience for stupid. Today is not one of those days.
• Going back to school leads to sleep deprivation for all of us. The kid, who has just finally started to sleep later than 6, now needs to be up 6:15ish. Baby E, who will happily sleep til 8, needs to be up by 7 (at the latest!). And I get at least an hour less sleep. Sigh. This may be related to the above bullet.

Today's Lesson: it's unfair to get pissed off at people for being who they are. The anger and disappointment you hold hurts mostly you. You do not have the power to change the essence of who someone else is. If who someone else is isn't acceptable to you, you have two choices: walk away and be done with them, or suck it up and accept them for who they are. That's it. Sometimes I need this reminder.

Unner-wuars

Potty training the kid, well, to say it was not fun is an understatement. We started right after he turned 2. And didn't finish til, hell, I don't know when. At least a year later. At least.

So, when people would talk about potty training with baby E, I completely dismissed it. We'd obviously started too early with the kid; he wasn't ready. And because of that, well, it was horrifically stressful. For all of us. I had no intention of repeating that crap (literally and figuratively speaking). Frankly, I preferred to put it off as long as possible. Mostly because of how stressful it had been before. But also because, lets face it, his cloth diapers are really cute.

But baby E is a completely different child than the kid. And, it would seem, he's quite interested in peeing in the toilet. We've been sitting him on it at least 1-2x a day for several months. Nothing's ever come of it, until Saturday. When he actually peed in the toilet. I, of course, was at work and missed it. But hubby made a big deal of it and baby E actually got to flush the toilet. Something he's aspired to for a long time now. And that toilet flushing seems to be a good motivator for him.

So, Sunday, since I was finally home and not working, I pulled out the tiniest little unner-wuars (read: underwear) you've ever see and stuck them on him. Now, I must take a moment to express how adorable those tiny little underwear are. And, seriously, they're tiny. And yet they are huge on him. But they do at least stay up. And he thinks they're quite the thing.

To date, we've had no, that's right, NO pee pee accidents. We have had 2 poop accidents, but they've been hardly anything at all. He seems so young to me to be potty training. But, what I learned from our experience with the kid, is that the most important part of potty training is following the child's lead and doing it when he's ready. And that is what baby E seems to be telling us.

Now, I realize he may decide tomorrow he wants no part of his cute briefs. Or simply start pissing all over my house. And that's completely fine (well, the former is; the latter, not so much). Because, really, I'm kind of missing his big ole cloth diapered booty. I wouldn't mind to stick him back in them (he's still in them at night and nap time, though he's been dry after naps lately). So, we're just going to play this one by ear. And try not to get all stressed about it.  We'll see what happens...

That reminds me, I need to find some more teeny tiny briefs. 3 pairs ain't gonna cut it.


Today's Lesson: It's funny the things that sometime leave us with such mixed emotions. Who'd have thought that my baby coming out of diapers would be something I'd feel sad about.

The Power of Words

I see this and it makes me ashamed of some of the things that I have said to my kid. Things I've said in the heat of intense frustration, anger. Not that I've ever said anything abusive to either of my boys. But I absolutely have said things that I wouldn't want them to say to anyone else. And particularly things I absolutely wouldn't want them to ever say to themselves.

I remember the exact moment when I decided I was a lousy speller and always would be. It's the one and only time I ever remember my father doing any kind of school work with me. I was maybe 7. It was a word find, and I was struggling (for whatever reason - probably because it was dinner time and/or I simply found it boring). He said, out of frustration by my inattention, "are you so stupid that you can't even do something as simple as this??!!". And instantly I shut down. And I knew there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't accomplish this obviously easy task.

In 6th grade I got an F in Spelling. It's the only F I've ever gotten. To this day the tape that plays in my head, and promptly comes out my mouth whenever anyone asks how something is spelled, is "I can't spell".  It's an immediate response. And even though I can rationally explain to myself that I am indeed capable of spelling, this belief, well, it persists.

This saying, to me, says it all. I'm not saying I don't struggle with this, because heaven knows I do. Which, really, is why I posted it. I need this reminder. I need to have this reminder play through my head before I react in frustration and say something I shouldn't to my children. I need to have this reminder even in the moments I'm not frustrated. I need to be reminded that what I say does matter to them. Even when I think they aren't listening. They are listening.

Today's Lesson:

The things we say stick. Particularly when they're said by someone who is important in our lives. Someone we love. Someone we trust. What we say matters. What we say becomes the tape that plays. It becomes the inner voice our children hear. All. The. Time.

And the voice I want my children to hear is one that says "I am loved. I am loving. I am capable. I am compassionate. I know how to make good decisions. I am trustworthy. I am intelligent. I am good.". Because all of those things are so very true.

Great American Backyard Campout

Last month was the Great American Backyard Campout. And, yes, I'm just now getting around to posting about it. We invited some friends and family over to celebrate. So my mom took some pictures. And I, of course, stole them off FB to share with you. It's apparently what I do now, steal pictures from my mom, I mean.

There were 10 kids - ranging in age from 10y down to about 18mon - and about 14 adults, though not all of those people spent the night (there were only 2 families that pitched tents). Here are some of the highlights.

The kids organized their own baseball game. I can't actually tell you how much I love this. I mean, the ball and bat were there, and the kids just took it upon themselves to play. My BIL stepped in and played with them for awhile, but most of the game was just the kids.

There were, of course, s'mores. I mean, what would camping be without s'mores? And the kid, of course, got them all over his face. Because, I mean, who would he be if he didn't get them all over himself?

Then the adults who didn't have kids attached left and we set up a kid movie.

And they loved it.

Today's Lesson: We should have backyard campouts more often. Even in suburbia, they are lots of fun. Especially if the momma gets to sleep in the house in her bed. You know, 'cause the baby sleeps better inside, so - really - it's better for everyone that way.

I love...

I love...

how baby E sometimes says "tate ew, milp-mease" (thank you, milk please) when he's done nursing.
that my mama lives less than a mile away from me.
how hubby can make the boys belly laugh with just a look.
when my house is clean and the laundry is all put away.
that my friends love me even when I go to bed at 8pm while we're camping.
how insightful my kid is.
the smell of fresh sheets when I climb in bed.
our awesome backyard.



Today's Lesson: Sometimes it is important to remind ourselves what we're grateful for. And even though you should never end a sentence with a preposition, sometimes there is just better other option.

Camping, and Boating, and Boys, Oh my!

(Subtitled: Another post in which I steal pictures from my mom's FB page and use them to write a blog post because I'm too lazy to download my own pictures on to my laptop, much less my blog, although now my laptop is all jacked up which seems like a good excuse for why I'm stealing my mom's pictures. Again.)

Hubby, boys, my mom and I went camping this past weekend and had a ball. My FIL let us borrow his boat, and some friends came down for awhile, too, both of which made it even more fun! Here are a few photographic highlights.

Baby E was all about driving the boat. As in he had a meltdown when it was no longer his turn. And, no, we didn't let him drive  by himself because, you know, the steering wheel is higher than his head. And he's not even 2.

The kid just likes to drive fast. Like, the faster the better. This doesn't surprise me about my boy in the least.

But mostly, he loves to swim.

This looks like it should have hurt, right?! I guess the life jacket covered up enough that it didn't. Because he did it several more times, laughing hysterically the whole time.

E wasn't really so sure about the lake. He kept trying to stand on my legs when his little toes felt them. He did like a game we dubbed "Fish", where we would push him in the water from one of us to the other. This became apparent due to the enormous grin on his face while he was floating between people. I tried not to let all the lake water that was going in to his mouth because of that goofy grin freak me out too much.

Boys enjoying fire. Seriously, the love of fire seems to be ingrained in the Y chromosome.

Um, yeah. He likes beer. Beer drinkers beware. He will steal your bottle if you leave it unattended. This one, fortunately, was empty.

Shew, camping, boating, swimming, a crazy schedule, no sleep (I think we may have to resort to giving baby E the melatonin when we go camping), and hot weather wear a toddler out. Throw in some serious sunburn and a thousand mosquito bites, and you've got a worn out momma, too.

Life is good.

Today's Lesson: There is nothing better than tons of outside time, running, jumping, swimming, digging, climbing, sweating, and laughing to wear a family out. In the best possible way.

The Cubicle Chronicles

So, if we're FB friends, you've already been fortunate (questionable) enough to see some of the fun (also questionable) things I've gotten to experience in the last 6 months since I became lucky (just flat out being sarcastic on this one) enough to move into a cubicle. And several of you, much to my confusion, have requested a blog post detailing the fun it has afforded me. So, for you people, here it is.

Let me say, I've shared an office with people before (2 or 3 max). But that seems to be a different environment for what I suspect is a couple of reasons. First, in those experiences, it's been a small office where all the desks are not just in full view of each other, they've been facing each other. The cubicles seem to cause some kind of verbal inhibition. Second, before we were pretty much all professional people. And, really, that seems to make a difference. I mean, I did have one co-worker who liked to burp, frequently, and loudly like a man (yes, Elvis, I did just call you out, lovely lady). But, otherwise, I've pretty much experienced nothing like the last 6 months.

There's the manager who yells like all the time with the door wide open. I can't actually impress upon you how thankful I am to not be under her rule (technically, at least). Funny enough, I really do like her, though.

There are the performance evaluations and disciplinary actions discussed while sitting in another cubicle in full volume voice. I really don't understand how this is appropriate.

There is the lady who listens to music really loud. It's often "Jesus music" (I'm just not a fan - of the music that is; I love Jesus himself of course), and she tends to leave it on whether or not she's actually in her office. I find it seriously distracting. And, let's be honest, I don't need any help in the distraction arena.

But these pale in comparison to some of the conversations/comments I have been forced to overhear. Here are a few (most of them are from the same person)...

"It's hump day. And you know what that means. I'm gonna get my humpin' on."

Said while on the phone with a patient, "well, if you gonna be a damn asshole about it, then I ain't gonna talk to you neither. Goodbye." and slammed down the phone.

"I don't know what they're talkin' about with smoking while you're pregnant being a problem. I smoked it up and both my kids was 6lbs and that's a good size".

"No, look, my toes are the nastiest. 'Cause I'm black, they're even more crusty and cracked. And my toenails is yellow, too. But mostly the stink comin' off of 'em is killer. See? Look at 'em. Now!" . And then she proceeded to walk around without shoes on.

"I don't understand what the problem is with people. I mean, I smoke 'em up all the time and it ain't a problem. So what if I miss a few days [of work] or don't wanna eat nothin' but chips. I mean I don't understand peoples' problem." Which led me to believe that the above comment was more in reference to her smoking pot while she was pregnant with her children, not cigarettes. But who knows.

(sung to the tune of "I Like Big Butts", or at least I think that's what it was) "Iiiiiiiiii, like to have sex when I'm high, yes I do". And then I couldn't really understand her words any more after that, but it reinforced my idea that probably she was referring to pot, not cigarettes. Also, led to wondering if perhaps she's high at work, too. 'Cause that would explain a few things.

This was followed by a diatribe about how her kids are disrespectful and irresponsible.

And then this same woman started talking about how offensive it is when people talk about inappropriate things at work. It makes a girl wonder about what she considers inappropriate...


Today's Lesson: Honestly, people. There is such as thing as being too comfortable at work. In general, if you wouldn't discuss it at church, like with your priest, pastor, etc..., it's probably not appropriate for work. Also, please keep your shoes on at work. Or get a pedicure.

Shaving Cream

The kid's been so busy the last couple of weeks (Vacation Bible School, and art camp, and Paleontology camp), that hubby hasn't done any of my lovingly and time consumingly put together Pin.terest activities. Until this week. The kid, this week, is going to a grief camp for kids who have lost a loved one. But this camp is only 2 half days (and another half day on Saturday for the whole family). This, then, has left lots of free time. For things like this...

I mean, really, who knew a can of shaving cream and some food coloring could be so wonderfully enjoyable for two boys?!

Today's Lesson: Give your kid shaving cream. And food coloring. Then hose them off. Then throw (not literally) them in the pool. It will be like their best day ever.

The Things IF Takes from Us

There are so many things that IF brings to our life. There have been blessings (I mean, really, my boys wouldn't be mine with IF). There has been grief. There have been many things, both expected and unexpected.

One of these unexpected things hit me today, yes, years after I realized IF was part of my daily reality. This past weekend, some very dear friends announced their pregnancy. They've known for a couple of weeks (and, to be honest, I've suspected for a couple of weeks and didn't want to pry) but hadn't told anyone until this weekend. I am beyond thrilled for them for several reasons. I know what wonderful parents they are going to be. But, also because IF was part of their journey.

After we left their house, hubby asked me how I was feeling. I assured him I was fine, and am so very happy for them. But, as I've sat with it, I realized I feel a tad bit jealous about something. And, unexpectedly, it's not what you'd think. I don't envy the pregnancy itself. Truthfully, I am beyond happy for them.

Here's the thing - I've been thinking about their last two weeks. Now, I know the last couple of weeks have not been stress-free for them - they alluded to fears of miscarriage. I wouldn't wish that on anyone - myself or my sweet friends. But I've realized I envy their last couple of weeks, just the same.

It's just that the last few weeks they've had this secret, just them-ness. This sacred time of holding that little secret between just the two of them - such a unique time. It's a time where their world was completely theirs. The knowledge that two were becoming three. And no one but them knew it.

IF stole that special time from us. Sure, when we decided to pursue adoption, there was a time when only hubby and I knew. But that was such a stressful time. We were still heavily grieving the realization that pregnancy would likely not be our path to parenthood. Rationally, I know it seems such a small thing. But what they've had is yet another thing that IF stole from me, from hubby, from us.

And, yes, I get that this "special time" is probably something I've made up completely in my head. And yet I still can't help but envy them it.


Today's Lesson: There has been a lot of talk on the internets of late regarding the belief that becoming a mother "cures" the pain, insecurities, and general suckiness of IF. But here the thing. It isn't the job of our children - however they come to us - to fix us. Also the act of finally becoming parents doesn't negate our previous experiences. I've been a mother for 6.5yrs. IF still sucks.

E's 2nd birthday Planning

My dear friend JE, you know, the one who has created all these fabulous cakes for my boys (well, this was just one of them)? She recently reminded me that it's time to start thinking about planning E's 2nd birthday. First, I need to take a moment to digest that. I mean, really? My baby will be 2 in two months! How can this be???!!!! (lament, gnash teeth, wail, whine, lament some more)

Okay, onward. So, I found this ah-mazing site. Well, let me rephrase. JE sent me a link to this ah-mazing site with like hundreds (or more) birthday party themes. I mean, this site is crazy awesome. If a bit overwhelming. I've browsed through tons of themes.

And I think I've decided on Brown Bear, Brown Bear. The reason is it's baby E's favorite book right now. The only thing that's keeping me from deciding for sure is that last year we did the Hungry Caterpillar. And, you know, they're both Eric Carle books. I wouldn't want to be redundant or anything.

E does like "dine-uh-doors" but I'm not loving any of the ideas for dino-themed birthdays I'm finding. The kid loved all things tractor and farm related at that age, but baby E's not so interested. Mostly he lives climbing, and getting in to everything. But I think we're not quite ready for a gymnastics place party for him. He also loves cleaning, but I'm not thinking I can come up with a theme that any of the other kids would go for, lol.

So, I'm asking, what are some birthday themes you've done, seen, loved for your kids? Now, I need boys or gender-neutral ones here. Because, just like with clothes, it seems like birthday party themes are easier to come by for girls than boys. At least the cute ones any way.


Today's Lesson: In a house of boys, it only stands to reason that some of your toddler's first sentences would be "Toot, me", "Nonah ou-side poop", and "Momma peepee".

Little Moments

I was in college. It was my Freshman year, my first finals week. A beautiful day. And I was just walking across campus. I noticed a girl, another student, sitting on bench, hunched over. I could only see the sides of her face. Her eyes, nose, mouth were covered by her hands. Her elbows were on her knees. Her shoulders were shaking. These huge sobs were emanating from her body. She was obviously beyond upset about something.

I watched her as a walked closer, debating what to do. Should I leave her alone? Should I stop and offer help? Should I kneel in front of her? Should I sit next to her? Should I leave her alone? Does she want to be be invisible? Is she asking for help by being in such a public place? What should I do?

In the end, as I approached her, I just kept walking. Something stopped me from offering her a simple kindness. Something stopped me from doing anything but walk. My indecision regarding what to do, decided for me that I would do nothing.

To this day I think about that girl. What had happened to leave her so distressed - and in such a public place? Had she failed a final? Did a boyfriend break up with her? Had someone passed away? Was there some kind of family issue? Why was she alone? Where were her friends? How long did she sit there? Did anyone else offer her comfort?

I feel sad that I didn't let her know I saw her at least, that she wasn't invisible. I think I feared she would rebuff me in some way, so I left her alone. Or that perhaps she wanted to be left alone. But the thing is I'll never really know.

But here is what I suspect, even if she had rebuffed me, I don't think I would still be thinking about it, would still be regretting the (non) incident. I'd probably have shrugged it off and it'd be long forgotten. Maybe she would have told me to leave her the eff alone. But at least I'd know. At least I wouldn't regret.


Today's Lesson: Often in life, the things we most often regret are the things we don't do.

Inspiration

I come up with all kinds of brilliant or at least entertaining post ideas when I'm laying in bed and can't sleep (which is a lot lately). I mean, really, inspiration abounds. And yet, once morning dawns, the ideas are fleeting. This obviously means I need an ipad so I can jot them down while I'm in bed, thus not further jeopardizing my attempts to sleep (get ideas out, but don't get out of bed and wake self up even more).

I know what you're thinking - why not just have a pad of paper and pencil. But this has several pitfalls. First, I don't have a bedside table or anything on/in which to store said paper and pencil. Second, it's dark then. And, should I turn on the light, I would risk waking poor hubby. And I certainly wouldn't want to do that. Lastly, one of my children is bound to stab himself or his brother with said pencil. And heaven knows the ED social worker does not need to be bringing one of her children in to the ED with a pencil-eye injury. Really, it's all about job security.

So, clearly, I need an ipad.

Today's Lesson: This genius post is the perfect example of why I need an ipad. The stuff I came up with last night was infinitely more interesting, though likely just as rambling.

The Kid Learns to Ride

Yup. He did it. He learned to ride that bike without the training wheels. After all the good advice everyone gave us. The words of wisdom. The words of encouragement to say to him. Of how to help him learn to balance. Of where to let him practice. Of what to let him ride on (training wheels vs. no training wheels, the balance buddy).

None of it worked, though.

Do you know what the magic trick was that convinced my boy to ride his bike all by himself? It was a chocolate cupcake. Or rather the promise of said cupcake after the demonstration of independent bike riding skills. You know who made that bribe, er, promise to my sweet boy? My mother. That's right. Apparently what really works to get my kid riding is the promise from his Gram of a cupcake, a chocolate one.

He is my child. Of that there is no doubt.

Today's Lesson: I don't care what people say, bribes are darn effective and have their place in parenting. Note to self - I now have to make good on that bribe it seems. Just a new bike. No biggie, right? Also, this bribing thing I apparently learned from my mother.

Fish

I don't eat fish. Or seafood. If it lived in the water, I don't eat it. Except for the seaweed in (vegetarian) sushi. I wish I could eat fish, but I just can't.

It started when I was a kid. I used to eat tuna. Was never a huge fan, but it was fine. Then, one summer when my extended family was up in MI, my grandfather made me watch him skin (or whatever the proper term is) a couple of fishes. It was one of those moments where I didn't want to look, but I couldn't look away. 25+ years later, it's a sight that's burned into my retinas. It's also one of the reasons why I don't eat much meat in general.

However, to further compound that experience, later that same week we went to have a picnic on the dunes in that area of MI. Guess what mom packed for lunch. Tuna fish sandwiches. And, there was some kind of weird thing going on with the lake that had caused mass numbers of fish to die. They were all over the banks of the lake. So we got to smell that during our picnic. And that cemented it. No fish for me.

It's a smell thing, in large part. I see that dead, skinned fish image in my brain and immediately the dead fish smell comes back with it. And I start to gag. Happens every time anyone mentions that I should eat fish or I smell fish, seafood, anything that lived in the water. I logically understand that this aversion is in my brain. But I just can't overcome it.

I'm okay with this. Most of the time. However, when my 6yo berates me for not being willing to have a "hello bite" (a rule with all foods at our house), I feel rather chagrined. I mean, he has a point. But I just can't do it. (Seriously, just thinking about it right now has made me - involuntarily - shudder and crinkle up my nose in disgust.) And then I quickly change the topic. You know, the whole "look it's a squirrl" tactic. It works well with my kid. And I then I tell him to take a hello bite of whatever is on his plate. And eat his stinky fish.


Today's Lesson: Sometimes Momma is a big ole hypocrite. And she's - mostly - okay with that.

Milp-mease

This morning when I walked in to baby E's room, he was crying a bit. I don't think he was ready to wake up, but the kid's noise made it happen anyway (that and his diaper leaking - which only happens when we don't use the wool covers). As soon as he saw me, he stopped crying, cocked his head to the side, fluttered his lashes sweetly, and said (with words and signs) "milp-mease" ("milk please"). I assured him he would get some milp-mease once we were both dressed, which seemed to satisfy him.

Fast forward about 20minutes to both of us being dressed and ready for the day. I was in the kitchen, getting the breastmilk thawed. Baby E was at my feet, clinging to my leg, repeating "milp-mease" over and over. Finally we were all ready and I sat down to nurse. He climbed in to my lap, grinning and yelled, "MILP-MEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeshhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!". Then he nursed, with enthusiasm.

He popped off a few times to tell me one thing or another ("the kid, outside" or "Nonah [Jonah, the dog] s[l]eeping"). And then he popped off again. He sat up and said "all done". Then he looked at my breast, then at me, then back at my breast and said "bye bye, milp-mease. Me all done" and pulled my shirt down. I laughed and laughed. Then he grinned his impish little grin and took off running. Though he did stop a couple of times, grin and say again, "bye bye milp-mease".


Today's Lesson: It is so fun to see your kids' personalities really start to erupt. My kids are funny. And I so appreciate that about them.

Coming Down from the Melatonin High

It's been awhile since I mentioned baby E and sleep, or Melatonin. I'm assuming you've realized this means sleep has been going well. And, man, has it. After about 2 weeks of the melatonin, E started sleeping consistently through the night, as in no waking up. At all. After 15+ months of waking 2, 3, or more times a night, that sleep was ever so much appreciated.

However, we've now been getting that full time sleep for about 4-5 months. And my guilt about "drugging" him to get him to sleep, has been mounting. The last couple of weeks, he's been sleeping from about 7:30p til at least 7a. Though he's gone til 8a few times. This is all in addition to 2-3hr naps. While it sounds great, I've been worried about how much sleep he's getting. And, yes, I get that that makes me a little crazy.

Mostly, though, in my research prior to us giving him the Melatonin, I read some warnings about people becoming "addicted" to melatonin. Now, this was more in line of your body just stops making it after awhile since you're providing it. We certainly didn't want this to happen. The last thing we want is for him to have to have it, like, forever to be able to sleep.

So, a few weeks ago, I  started mentioning to hubby the need to wean baby E from the melatonin. At first he simply shrugged and grunted in a very noncommittal kind of way. Then he just started flat out ignoring me whenever I brought it up. About 2 weeks ago, for some reason, he agreed to give it a try.

I am - over the moon, beyond thrilled - happy to tell you, that baby E has now been Melatonin-free for almost 2 weeks. Actually, that's not the part I'm so excited about. The awesome part is that he has continued to sleep through the night! Now, this has not been without consequences, but they are ones we're willing to accept. At least for now.

First, it's taking him longer to get to sleep at night, and there have been a few nights where he's cried for a bit, necessitating us going back in to his room once, twice, thrice to calm him down. This was similar to what was happening pre-melatonin. But, he does settle down within a half hour and go to sleep on his own.

Second, we've started hearing him whining in his sleep again. He woke me up at 10:45 the other night (he'd gone to bed at 6:45 that night!) whining. I went in and he wasn't really awake, but his blankets had come off. So I covered him back up and he was quiet again. This morning he woke hubby up at like 5a doing the same thing. But then he slept til 7:30a.

Third, his naps have become wonky. He's still napping, mind you (good, 2ish hour ones), it's just that when he takes those naps is all over the board. He used to go down about 1p (give or take 30min). But, in the past week, he's gone down anywhere from 10am (after sleeping til 7:30 that morning!), to 2pm.

Fourth, I don't think he's sleeping as well as he was with the melatonin. He seems to be more restless at night, as evidenced by his blankets being all over the place/him not keeping them on all night (which he had been doing). Also, the poor little fella has had circles under his eyes a few days.

All that said, we're going to give it at least another couple of weeks and see how it goes. If he can sleep on his own, that is absolutely the preferable option. However, if he starts waking again, and just seems tired a lot, we'll go back to it, though probably with a lower dosage.

Today's Lesson: Poop, toots, and pee-pee are frequent topics of conversation in households that a boy-heavy. Also, jokes about those things are apparently just as funny for 35yo boys, as they are for 6yo boys, as they are for 22mon old boys. Sigh...

12 Years

If you don't read the Bloggess, well you should. But, in case you don't, she had a hilarious post this week, celebrating her 16th anniversary. Please go read it. I'll wait. Seriously, my post won't make much sense if you don't.

Today is my anniversary. 12years the hubby and I have been married. The man has put up with a lot of crap from me. And he's done it mostly with, if not a smile exactly, then certainly quite a bit of tolerance. I'm a lucky girl.

Here's a little confession. I'm not a good gift giver. Like, at all. Hubby's much better at it than I am. Sometimes I'll get lucky and give someone something they like, but really, that's almost always luck. When I hear someone say they like something, I take them at their word and try to store away that info for later (because I have such a hard time coming up with ideas on my own). However, that sometimes mean I end up getting someone - hubby - gifts that while utilitarian, are not so, uh, romantic.

This is the case this year. Hubby is getting a backyard composter. He keeps talking about how much he thinks we need one, that he wants one because the one he built doesn't really work all that well (it takes FOREVER!!!). And I know that it's probably the least romantic gift ever. But, for one, he said several times he wanted one. Two, it'll make his life easier (less maintenance on the compost). And three, I couldn't come up with anything else.

I wish I was as good a gift giver as the Bloggess...

I figure since hubby and I dated for 4 years before being married, technically it's our 16th anniversary, right? So, I'm pretty sure one of us is due a sloth. Or kangaroo. Or hedgehog. I'm just assuming hubby's got this one covered. Or has plans 4 years from now to take care of it. Because he is a good gift giver. I'm pretty sure I'll either get that sloth, or a necklace. Either will be lovely.

Happy Anniversary, hubby. I love you!

Today's Lesson: And this is why Pin.terest is so awesome. It helps those of us who are totally sucky gift givers, have a better chance. But not so much this time. Perhaps I should have spent more time on Pin.terest...

Gentlemen and Ladies: A Convo with my Kid

My friend, JE, is taking the kid to see a movie today (something about pirates?). She told him she'd take him a long time ago (like 2 months - that's a long time in a 6yo's world), and he has not forgotten. He finally guilted her into it when we were together on the 4th and they set a date for this afternoon.

So, this morning while I was getting ready for work, the kid and I had a little chat about proper behavior when out with a lady. It went a little something like this...


Me: So, kiddo. Tell me about how a gentleman should behave when out with a lady?
Kid: (blank stare, head cocked to side)
M: What kinds of things should you do to be respectful when you're out with Mrs JE?
K: Oh, yeah. Well, I use nice words. Like please and thank you.
M: Absolutely, I like how you're thinking. What else?
K: I can let her go in to the seat aisle first.
M: Great!
K: Also, I should be quiet during the movie.
M: Excellent idea. Not just to be polite to Mrs JE, but also for everyone else there.
K: Of course. And if I need to poop, I'll just tap on her shoulder and tell her real quiet, "Mrs JE, I need to poop".

(Somewhat long conversation regarding how he probably should try to do that before he leaves the house and, should he need to go to the bathroom, he doesn't need to specify why.)

M: Okay, what else can you think of?
K: Well, I could open the doors for her.
M: Yeah, that's a really nice idea. You know, kiddo, another thing that's nice to do when you're out with a lady is to compliment how lovely she looks.
K: (looks hard at me, and is silent for a minute) Well, momma. You're naked. But you have a flower in your hair. And, man does it look nice. You sure are pretty! (big grin, quite pleased with himself)
M: (laughing hysterically) I think you got this, kiddo.

Today's Lesson: My kid does not need lessons from me on how to woo the ladies. Kid's got that one all covered.

Vacation Spots

Hubby and I are talking about vacation ideas. Now, lest you get excited for us, or simply expect pictures of said vacation, let me explain. This vacation isn't going to happen until Spring Break, or even next summer of next year. Yes, I know. It seems early to be talking about a vacation 9-12 months away. However, I bring it up for a couple of reasons.

First, because I (we) need something to look forward to! And it will be then before we can actually take an extended family vacay. Hubby could go this summer, of course, but I can't because of the new job. And then it'll be Spring Break before he'll have the time off school, the kid as well of course.

Second, I really want some ideas and opinions from others about where to go! We're open to suggestions. Actually, I'm begging for suggestions.

So here are our thoughts thus far.

We've been to Charleston and Destin and loved both. However, we'd like to go somewhere we've not been before. I could take or leave the beach. I burn so easily that a day or two of that and I'm totally over it. So, if you're suggesting a beach, it needs to be where there are lots of other things to do (including other outdoor activities - we're an outdoor kind of family).

We're happy to drive or fly. Honestly, we almost prefer to fly for the boys to have that experience.  I'm open to international travel. Actually, I'd love to go to Germany or back to Italy. However, baby E will only be 2 1/2 by then and I'm terrified of traveling with a toddler, taking the time change and super long plane ride into account. So, let me know if you think it's doable/enjoyable.

We prefer - strongly - to stay in a condo or rental house. Because of cloth diapering, we need (and by need, I mean want) a washer/dryer in unit. Also, I need the kids in a different bedroom. One or two nights of sharing with them is more than enough. A week or two would drive me mad. Also, we need to be able to cook and eat-in quite a bit. It just works better for us.

We are not particularly interested in Disney anything. Maybe when the boys are older.

Neither hubby nor I have ever traveled out west, so that is certainly a strong possibility (but where, people, where???).

And that's all I got.  So, now please, please, pretty pretty please, tell me what you got! Where have you been and loved? Where would you avoid at all costs? What places are great for families with young kids (boys will be 7 and 2 by then)?

Aaaaaand GO!!!!!!

Today's Lesson: Seeing the Coroner at work twice in one day is a good reminder that my bad day really isn't all that bad.