It's been 3.5 years since I came to this space. Somehow I ended up here today. And then, well, I had words. The truth is the blog been poking at my brain over the last several months, which is odd since it had probably been more than a year since I'd thought of it. Are blogs even a thing anymore? It seems like most folks have moved to other types of social media. Well, it's fine, because as always, this space is as much for my own brain and processing as for anything (one) else. 

So much has changed in the last several years. The boys are big, both physically and in other ways. The kid is almost 17 and halfway through his Junior year. We're talking about college and careers and getting close to considering taking his driving permit test. Maybe. Still not sure momma is ready for that. Mostly not sure that he is. We're strongly considering community college or at least a school that would allow him to live at home for a year or two. Kid is incredibly smart and academically capable, but those executive functioning skills need support and some additional time to develop. I recognize how far we've all come that he, too, is in agreement (most days) with this. 

E is 12 and in 6th grade though is often confused for a high schooler (the child is 5'9', y'all!). Middle school has been... an adjustment thus far as he starts to seek peer approval (as is to be developmentally expected). He has the most amazing leadership skills but is still navigating how to use those in ways that are good for him and others. I am so glad we decided to delay kindergarten years ago because I absolutely believe it helped to foster this leadership ability. But, if he could just use it not to incite a classroom of kids to yell out things about "balls", that would be great. Seriously, y'all, why are middle schoolers obsessed with "balls" (insert big sigh and eye roll here). 

Both boys are way taller than me. I call them "the bicker brothers" but the truth is they love each other and hang out a lot. I take their relationship as a parenting win. I'm grateful for it, for them. 

Adoption-wise, things are pretty quiet. We have only rare contact with the boys' first families and only via facebook. The boys rarely talk about them. I, as always, need to do a better job of intentionally bringing them up with the boys to assure they know it's a safe topic of conversation. I know in my professional-brain that by now both boys should know the entirety of their stories and histories (at least what I know of them). And, while the kid does, E doesn't really. I need to find the time and space to prioritize this. 

I've changed jobs a couple of times in the last 3yrs. Working in healthcare during Covid was hard, y'all. Hard. Also, because I apparently enjoy making my life more difficult than it needs to be, I also decided to get a doctorate. I started that in the summer of 2020 and will graduate this May. Finally. Most of this time I've also had a full-time job and a part-time job (though for a period I had 1 full-time and 2 part-time jobs). Thankfully, I'm currently down to only one full-time gig - as a therapist. I've taken a break from teaching, but hope to pick that back up in the fall once this doctorate is done. 

Idk what I want to do with this degree. When I started, I thought I'd teach full-time. I now know, because of the way academia works, it's unlikely I'll get a faculty position. Truthfully, Idk that I'd want it anyway. Lots of folks are like, "oh you'll be done with school forever!". But I'm not willing to concede that. I don't think that door is closed. I love school and I'm good at it. I'm not ruling out the possibility of going back for a Ph.D. in public health. Please, no one tell my family this lol. 

I think the doctorate has been meeting my need to process life through writing (sort of). But, as it starts to come to an end, I wonder if I may pick back up here some. It would be different, as I'm in a different place with thinking about what and how I share my and my kids' lives and stories.I do love writing. I will likely continue with some kind of academic writing. I'll probably pursue publishing in academic journals. I can see myself getting involved in writing textbooks or the like. I appreciate there being options. But I also feel a pull to less academic writing, something more personal. I suppose, as always, time will tell.

Today's lesson: I wonder if there is always a lesson to be learned. Maybe we try to come up with one because it helps us process the hard things, the confusing ones. Maybe, sometimes, things just are and we just have to accept them as is. Maybe not everything has to make sense. Also, maybe we don't always have to have a plan. Sometimes we can just let things be and see what comes of them.