The Cubicle Chronicles

So, if we're FB friends, you've already been fortunate (questionable) enough to see some of the fun (also questionable) things I've gotten to experience in the last 6 months since I became lucky (just flat out being sarcastic on this one) enough to move into a cubicle. And several of you, much to my confusion, have requested a blog post detailing the fun it has afforded me. So, for you people, here it is.

Let me say, I've shared an office with people before (2 or 3 max). But that seems to be a different environment for what I suspect is a couple of reasons. First, in those experiences, it's been a small office where all the desks are not just in full view of each other, they've been facing each other. The cubicles seem to cause some kind of verbal inhibition. Second, before we were pretty much all professional people. And, really, that seems to make a difference. I mean, I did have one co-worker who liked to burp, frequently, and loudly like a man (yes, Elvis, I did just call you out, lovely lady). But, otherwise, I've pretty much experienced nothing like the last 6 months.

There's the manager who yells like all the time with the door wide open. I can't actually impress upon you how thankful I am to not be under her rule (technically, at least). Funny enough, I really do like her, though.

There are the performance evaluations and disciplinary actions discussed while sitting in another cubicle in full volume voice. I really don't understand how this is appropriate.

There is the lady who listens to music really loud. It's often "Jesus music" (I'm just not a fan - of the music that is; I love Jesus himself of course), and she tends to leave it on whether or not she's actually in her office. I find it seriously distracting. And, let's be honest, I don't need any help in the distraction arena.

But these pale in comparison to some of the conversations/comments I have been forced to overhear. Here are a few (most of them are from the same person)...

"It's hump day. And you know what that means. I'm gonna get my humpin' on."

Said while on the phone with a patient, "well, if you gonna be a damn asshole about it, then I ain't gonna talk to you neither. Goodbye." and slammed down the phone.

"I don't know what they're talkin' about with smoking while you're pregnant being a problem. I smoked it up and both my kids was 6lbs and that's a good size".

"No, look, my toes are the nastiest. 'Cause I'm black, they're even more crusty and cracked. And my toenails is yellow, too. But mostly the stink comin' off of 'em is killer. See? Look at 'em. Now!" . And then she proceeded to walk around without shoes on.

"I don't understand what the problem is with people. I mean, I smoke 'em up all the time and it ain't a problem. So what if I miss a few days [of work] or don't wanna eat nothin' but chips. I mean I don't understand peoples' problem." Which led me to believe that the above comment was more in reference to her smoking pot while she was pregnant with her children, not cigarettes. But who knows.

(sung to the tune of "I Like Big Butts", or at least I think that's what it was) "Iiiiiiiiii, like to have sex when I'm high, yes I do". And then I couldn't really understand her words any more after that, but it reinforced my idea that probably she was referring to pot, not cigarettes. Also, led to wondering if perhaps she's high at work, too. 'Cause that would explain a few things.

This was followed by a diatribe about how her kids are disrespectful and irresponsible.

And then this same woman started talking about how offensive it is when people talk about inappropriate things at work. It makes a girl wonder about what she considers inappropriate...


Today's Lesson: Honestly, people. There is such as thing as being too comfortable at work. In general, if you wouldn't discuss it at church, like with your priest, pastor, etc..., it's probably not appropriate for work. Also, please keep your shoes on at work. Or get a pedicure.