It's been 3.5 years since I came to this space. Somehow I ended up here today. And then, well, I had words. The truth is the blog been poking at my brain over the last several months, which is odd since it had probably been more than a year since I'd thought of it. Are blogs even a thing anymore? It seems like most folks have moved to other types of social media. Well, it's fine, because as always, this space is as much for my own brain and processing as for anything (one) else. 

So much has changed in the last several years. The boys are big, both physically and in other ways. The kid is almost 17 and halfway through his Junior year. We're talking about college and careers and getting close to considering taking his driving permit test. Maybe. Still not sure momma is ready for that. Mostly not sure that he is. We're strongly considering community college or at least a school that would allow him to live at home for a year or two. Kid is incredibly smart and academically capable, but those executive functioning skills need support and some additional time to develop. I recognize how far we've all come that he, too, is in agreement (most days) with this. 

E is 12 and in 6th grade though is often confused for a high schooler (the child is 5'9', y'all!). Middle school has been... an adjustment thus far as he starts to seek peer approval (as is to be developmentally expected). He has the most amazing leadership skills but is still navigating how to use those in ways that are good for him and others. I am so glad we decided to delay kindergarten years ago because I absolutely believe it helped to foster this leadership ability. But, if he could just use it not to incite a classroom of kids to yell out things about "balls", that would be great. Seriously, y'all, why are middle schoolers obsessed with "balls" (insert big sigh and eye roll here). 

Both boys are way taller than me. I call them "the bicker brothers" but the truth is they love each other and hang out a lot. I take their relationship as a parenting win. I'm grateful for it, for them. 

Adoption-wise, things are pretty quiet. We have only rare contact with the boys' first families and only via facebook. The boys rarely talk about them. I, as always, need to do a better job of intentionally bringing them up with the boys to assure they know it's a safe topic of conversation. I know in my professional-brain that by now both boys should know the entirety of their stories and histories (at least what I know of them). And, while the kid does, E doesn't really. I need to find the time and space to prioritize this. 

I've changed jobs a couple of times in the last 3yrs. Working in healthcare during Covid was hard, y'all. Hard. Also, because I apparently enjoy making my life more difficult than it needs to be, I also decided to get a doctorate. I started that in the summer of 2020 and will graduate this May. Finally. Most of this time I've also had a full-time job and a part-time job (though for a period I had 1 full-time and 2 part-time jobs). Thankfully, I'm currently down to only one full-time gig - as a therapist. I've taken a break from teaching, but hope to pick that back up in the fall once this doctorate is done. 

Idk what I want to do with this degree. When I started, I thought I'd teach full-time. I now know, because of the way academia works, it's unlikely I'll get a faculty position. Truthfully, Idk that I'd want it anyway. Lots of folks are like, "oh you'll be done with school forever!". But I'm not willing to concede that. I don't think that door is closed. I love school and I'm good at it. I'm not ruling out the possibility of going back for a Ph.D. in public health. Please, no one tell my family this lol. 

I think the doctorate has been meeting my need to process life through writing (sort of). But, as it starts to come to an end, I wonder if I may pick back up here some. It would be different, as I'm in a different place with thinking about what and how I share my and my kids' lives and stories.I do love writing. I will likely continue with some kind of academic writing. I'll probably pursue publishing in academic journals. I can see myself getting involved in writing textbooks or the like. I appreciate there being options. But I also feel a pull to less academic writing, something more personal. I suppose, as always, time will tell.

Today's lesson: I wonder if there is always a lesson to be learned. Maybe we try to come up with one because it helps us process the hard things, the confusing ones. Maybe, sometimes, things just are and we just have to accept them as is. Maybe not everything has to make sense. Also, maybe we don't always have to have a plan. Sometimes we can just let things be and see what comes of them. 

Love in Suits

Just after I posted about feeling disconnected (I mean, literally, less than an hour later), all 3 of my boys surprised me at work. They were dressed up (button up shirts, khakis, hubby in a suit) with roses for me. It was slow at that time so we walked around and just chatted. It was nice.

 

 

I am blessed.

 

 

Today's Lesson: My children are in dire need of dress shoes. Or I need to show their father where they are. One of those two.

Conversation with My (Boy) Toddler

I raccoon.
You're a raccoon?
Yes, I raccoon.
Well, what are you up to little raccoon?
Raccoon eat.
What are you eating?
Raccoon eat lunch.
What does a raccoon eat for lunch?
Eat crackers.
What else?
Eat a smamich.
What kind of sandwich?
Bwue smamich.
Ah, blue sandwich, okay. What is that? Like almond butter, or ham, or...?
No, bwue smamich!!
Okay, blue sandwich it is. And what else? What does a raccoon drink?
Raccoon dwink juice. Lotsa juice.
Okay, juice. So, is the raccoon having anything else for lunch?
No. Raccoon haf a penis. Raccoon go peepee ou-sigh.

And we're back to that. Always back to that with boys.


Today's Lesson: An imagination is an amazing thing. And certainly something to be encouraged. Even in boys. Maybe even particularly so in boys.

This is what we talk about at dinner

Here's the stimulating conversation at dinner at my house last night.

Bep-nin pee.
Yes, Zeplin (our friends' dog) pees.
Bep-nin pee ou-sigh.
Yes, Zeplin pees outside.
Pee staiw-s.
Oh, yes. Yesterday Zeplin peed outside on our stairs.
Nonah pee ou-sigh.
Yes, Jonah (our dog) pees outside.
No, no, no!! Nonah pee ou-sigh.
Ah, I see. Do you mean Jonah pees in the backyard outside?
Uh (yes). Nonah pee baaaaaaack.
Bepnin pee staiw-s.
Fortheloveofallthingsholy, please no more talk about dogs and pee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poppa pee potty. Momma pee potty. [Kid] pee ou-sigh*. Baby pee bi-per (diaper).
(face plant)

Baby E, did you see my drawings?
Yeeeeessshhhhhh.
They're really awesome, right?
Riiiiiiight, kid.  Kid riiiiight.
That's how it works, baby E. I'm right 'cause I'm the big brother.

How was school today, kiddo?
Good.
Tell me something awesome that happened.
Well, I had music. And did you see the drawings I did?
In music?
No.
But what about music?
I'm talking about my drawings.
I'm asking you about music class.
(baby E) Poop!!!!!
(the kid) Hahahahahahaha!!!!
(hubby) Hahahahahaha!
(face plant)

I remember when complete and complex sentences - no, whole paragraphs! - were the norm at our dinner table. Urination and bowel movements were not. Sometimes I dream of meals not involving potty talk, or reminders to sit down. Reminders to use utensils. Reminders that throwing cups is not acceptable. Reminders that spitting is gross (not hilarious) and grounds for leaving the table.

But, then they make me laugh so hard I nearly spit my milk out. And I realize I wouldn't trade these days for anything. Conversations in the future will naturally become more "appropriate" and (surely!) there will be a day when there will be no rehashing the urination locations of everyone we've ever met. Surely. And if that's not the case, don't tell me. Let me live in my happy world.

*I have NO idea why baby E said the kid pees outside. He doesn't I swear! I mean, he does sometimes when we're camping. But he doesn't at home. I think. I hope. Sweetbabyjesus, please tell me my kid isn't peeing in our very visible suburban backyard.


Today's Lesson: Apparently a newly born grandchild takes precedence over following up with a parent in your child's class. This is seems totally reasonable. You know, while you're out of state with said grandchild. However, after you're back at work and have a couple of days to get caught up, perhaps you should call. Just sayin'. (And I'll be emailing her again tomorrow, since she never has called or emailed or anything. I'm sure she understandably just forgot with all that's been going on.)

The Mini Man Cave

Things have been a bit deep around here lately. Here's something to lighten it up a bit.

 

While the brand-spanking new washing machine and I are not particularly pleased with each other (to say the very least), the boys, on the other hand, are quite thrilled with its box. It amazes me how long a 5ft tall rectangle of cardboard can keep 2 boys busy and content.

 

 

I love the drawing the kid did in their "man cave". It's like a cross between Superman and a character from S.outh P.ark. I think the goatee is my favorite part. Although the enormous google eyes are quite fantastic. Cracks me up.

 

Love that boy.

 

 

Today's Lesson: Never underestimate the power of artistic expression to make you smile. Or the power of a box to occupy your children (in a non-what-the-hell-are-they-doing kind of way).

 

 

E's 2nd birthday Planning

My dear friend JE, you know, the one who has created all these fabulous cakes for my boys (well, this was just one of them)? She recently reminded me that it's time to start thinking about planning E's 2nd birthday. First, I need to take a moment to digest that. I mean, really? My baby will be 2 in two months! How can this be???!!!! (lament, gnash teeth, wail, whine, lament some more)

Okay, onward. So, I found this ah-mazing site. Well, let me rephrase. JE sent me a link to this ah-mazing site with like hundreds (or more) birthday party themes. I mean, this site is crazy awesome. If a bit overwhelming. I've browsed through tons of themes.

And I think I've decided on Brown Bear, Brown Bear. The reason is it's baby E's favorite book right now. The only thing that's keeping me from deciding for sure is that last year we did the Hungry Caterpillar. And, you know, they're both Eric Carle books. I wouldn't want to be redundant or anything.

E does like "dine-uh-doors" but I'm not loving any of the ideas for dino-themed birthdays I'm finding. The kid loved all things tractor and farm related at that age, but baby E's not so interested. Mostly he lives climbing, and getting in to everything. But I think we're not quite ready for a gymnastics place party for him. He also loves cleaning, but I'm not thinking I can come up with a theme that any of the other kids would go for, lol.

So, I'm asking, what are some birthday themes you've done, seen, loved for your kids? Now, I need boys or gender-neutral ones here. Because, just like with clothes, it seems like birthday party themes are easier to come by for girls than boys. At least the cute ones any way.


Today's Lesson: In a house of boys, it only stands to reason that some of your toddler's first sentences would be "Toot, me", "Nonah ou-side poop", and "Momma peepee".

My new work schedule

This new job has really changed things up in our family. In addition to giving me my new-found anxiety about driving with the boys in the car, I'm now working two 12 hour (and two 8 hour) shifts. This leaves hubby home with the boys in the evenings a couple nights each week on single-Poppa duty. Also, I work every 3rd Saturday. That means more single parenthood for the hubby. He's been great about it, not complaining about this extra responsibility at all. He has expressed worry that we may have less time together, but I haven't seen this really happen. Fingers crossed it won't. Fingers also crossed that he doesn't start to bemoan his increased one-on-one time with the boys!

So, all that also means I now am only working 4 days/week. Which is fabulous. A couple of jobs ago, I used to work four 10 hour days, which I loved. This was my schedule for the first few years after the kid was born. It was nice to have that one-on-one Momma-kid time. So, it's nice to now have that with baby E. I do feel like I'm missing out on some time with my kiddo. And that makes me sad. Stupid public school 5 days/week schedule.

So far, the boys haven't seemed to really notice a change in my schedule. Other than the kid realizing baby E is getting to stay home with me more during the day. Not sure he's particularly thrilled about that. I think he mostly thinks that if E gets to be home, so should he. Also, now that I think about it, baby E has been wanting to nurse more often. But I don't necessarily know that that has anything to do with my schedule change.Who knows with that child.

All in all, we seem to be adjusting well. I think. I hope.

Today's lesson: Apparently I am the Dancing Queen. And I'm only 17. And young and sweet. At least according to my 6 year old. I'll take it. (Abba can clue you in, if you have no idea what I'm talking about. And, in which case, you'll have learned 2 lessons today, you lucky reader, you.)

Siblings

Several people have commented how much my boys enjoy each other. And, truth be told, they do. Like all the time. It is awesome. The kid loves to entertain baby E. And baby E loves to follow him around, showering him with gooey kisses. Which the kid loves. Baby E is like a built in audience for the kid. And the kid is nearly always entertaining for baby E. They're a perfect match. And I am so incredibly blessed by that.

But their relationship has started to make me think about my own with my brother. (What? You didn't know I have a brother? Well, I do. A younger one. He lives far away.)

My brother and I have never been what I'd consider close. We're very different. Our career choices kind of do the best job of explaining it. I am a social worker, a therapist. He's an engineer, a computer one. See what I mean? I'm people. He's math and science and I don't even know what because that's not how my brain works. I figure out behavior and relationships. He figures out scientific computer stuff.

He and I have always been on different planes. Occasionally we cross, and those are (as adults at least) positive interactions, but - truth be told - we just have very little in common. And it's not that either of us made that decision consciously, it's just kind of how it is. How it has always been. Really, the gulf seems to have gotten bigger since our kids were born (he has 2 also). I don't know why that is, but it is.

And then my MIL died. My brother drove more than 13hrs by himself in one day to be at her funeral with me. I absolutely didn't expect him to do that (seriously, that's a lot of driving for 1 person in a day). Also, like I said, we're not really close. And that, I think, is why I was so deeply, profoundly touched by his being there. We had many friends who came to support us that day, many of whom we were surprised to see. But, hands down, having my brother there meant the most. That he would make that effort...that he would know that I needed him...that he would simply come and be there made the biggest difference for me that awful day.

It's funny - I thanked him, but I couldn't find the words to really tell him how much I appreciated his simply being there. It meant the world to me, truly it did. And it reminded me of something. Siblings have such a unique relationship. They share so much: DNA, history, parents, family, holidays. They often fight like no others. Yet they tend to stick up for each other, too. They understand each other's experiences in a way no one else can. So much the same, and yet it can sometimes be such a difficult relationship. And yet, there it is. One of those relationships that once it exists, will always be there.

And there is such value in knowing that some one else, no matter how distant, will always be on your side, have your back. So thank you, dear brother, for having my back when I most desperately needed it, even if I couldn't articulate to you how much I needed it, or how much it meant to me. And may I be able to instill that loyalty and love into my children so that they, too, will always be there in that way for each other.

Today's lesson - the sibling dyad is such an interesting one. Siblings know each other - and their parents - in a way no one else does, or ever will. They have similar, yet different experiences, but nonetheless ones no one else can really ever understand. The sibling relationship is a permanent relationship, one of the few in our lives. It can be difficult at times. It can also be a blessing. Sometimes when we least expect it.

Bad days are relative

It was a rough morning at my house. There was yelling (me) and frustration (me and the kid). There were threats ("if you don't get those shoes on by the time I count to 10, there will be big, bad consequences, mister"). There were tears ("I can't find my socks"). There was muttering under the breath ("OMG!!!!! Why can't this kid get his shit together this morning??!!!!"). There was stomping down the stairs (maybe both of us) and cries of unfairness ("you NEVER wait for ME!!"). There were text messages sent to husbands cussing at them for not doing something just the right way. In short, there were big girl and little boy sized tantrums going on. It was ugly, y'all.

I finally got us all into the car with all of our crap (maybe?!) and I started to have a mini-meltdown (just in my head). You see, I remembered something important. There's a little girl named Bailey. The kid used to go to school with her at his Montessori school. Her mama was one of his teachers when he was a toddler. And this adorable, blonde-headed 4 year and her gentle, beautiful parents have been told that she is riddled with cancer. They just found out this week. She starts Chemo tomorrow. She has tumors throughout her body. It's stage 4. She's 4, people. She still such a tiny little human. And she has stage 4 cancer. On her liver. In her bones. Stage. 4. Cancer.

That is a bad day. Running late for school? Not a bad day. Too fat to fit into any of my clothes? Not a bad day. Can't find socks? Not a bad day. Banana goo on my pants? Not a bad day. Homework not being done just right? Not a bad day. Starbucks gift card out of money? Not a bad day. Your baby having cancer? That is the worst day possible.

So, today, I will try to remember that my bad day, isn't really bad. It's irritating and inconvenient. I have two healthy children. I will not have to watch one of my children undergo chemo. And that makes today a good day.

Today I will pray for little Bailey and for her parents. I would so appreciate it if you would, too.

Today's lesson - Perspective is so easy to lose. Gratefulness is easy to forget. Banana goo is just banana goo. It washes out. Somethings are not so easily undone.

Birthday Bash - Hungry Caterpillar Style

So, I'm finally getting around to doing a post about baby E's awesome birthday party. So, here it is, in technicolor!

Here's the banner I told you about that I made (you know, and spelled his name wrong on). Regardless, it was super cute, if I do say so myself. I used my scrapbooking skills to make it with my Cricut, and then had hubby take it to school and laminate it (we're considering doing baby E's room over in the Hungry Caterpillar theme so it would be perfect to use in there). I then hole punched and strung ribbon to put it together and use to hang up in the tree. We also hung a bunch of red and green balloons in the trees.

For the food, we used the book as inspiration. Fruit salad, a regular salad, sandwiches, and the some chips and salsa. I made little signs with the foods the caterpillar ate and then put them (uh, well, to be fair, my bff arranged the table, 'cause she's awesome like that) on the table. We used red and green table cloths, food containers (for them at the dollar spot at Target!), cups, silverware, etc...

We had an art table. Though, honestly, I didn't think the kids would use it much since it was such a beautiful day. But, they totally LOVED it! I think the kid spent at least half the party there! I found white, paper butterflies at some craft store (maybe Hobby Lobby?) and a bunch of bug-themed stickers which I put out, along with some markers and those kids went to town!

Here's my awesome friend, JE, and her awesome (though don't tell him I said that!) hubby, J, with the ah-mazing cakes. She made a main one for all of us, and a smash cake for baby E. The main cake had all of the foods the caterpillar ate all around it. She was shockingly detailed with the cake. Like, I am in awe of her skills. 

The smash cake was an orange. She even put little indentations on it to make it look even more like an orange. Oh, the cuteness of it all was beyond adorable!

If you want to know how my dear - and amazingly talented - friend, JE, made this tasty and awesome cake, here's a link to her blog that explains just that. Again, THANK YOU, JE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're the best. Baby E thinks you rock!

As cute as the cake was, baby E didn't really dive into it like we'd hoped. I think he was tired, and just plain overwhelmed by all the people and commotion. The cake was just one more thing. I think he got more cake on his hands than in his mouth. Actually, if he got more than 2 bites, I'd be surprised. Now, don't think he didn't like it, though, because at home, when I was eating some, he became quite the little beggar.

Here's the birthday boy with his Poppa. He's going through a bit of a Poppa-phase right now. It started at the party. I'm a little sad about this Poppa-phase. Except at night. But, apparently the Poppa-phase doesn't extend into the night. Which really is a tangent for another day.

The opening of the presents was yet another overwhelming experience. The other kids had fun helping him though.

This Superman toy was from the kid, who picked it out just for his baby brother. And baby E loves this present ! Like, it might be his favorite.

We gave baby E a cape, similar to his big brother's. He didn't seem impressed at first, but loved "flying" around with it on, and wore it for quite a long time. My friend Amanda made the capes. Here's a link to where you can buy one if you want for your little superhero-kiddo. You are directed to ignore my 2nd chin in this picture. Ugh.

I purchased this adorable shirt for baby E from Etsy. It was adorable and (fairly) reasonably priced. But, really, the adorableness made the price totally worth it!  Here's a link to her facebook page, if you want to see some of the awesome stuff she makes.

The party wouldn't have been possible without several of my girlfriends, their husbands, and my momma. They all helped create, set up, clean up, and capture the day. Thank you friends. Truly, without each of you my life would be much less colorful, more lonely, less creative, and certainly much more boring.

Today's lesson - the relationship between siblings is so interesting. It exists because of the parents, yet it is also exists completely outside of the parents. It is a gift to see siblings so love each other, yet it is a little sad to be excluded from this at the same time. Aren't relationships complicated...

Mosquitos, and rocks and camping - oh my!

I'm covered in mosquito bites. I was stung on the temple by a bee (or something). I'm itchy. My head hurts. Baby E didn't sleep for crap all weekend. I forgot the camera at home. I sweated - a lot. The kid had a couple of awesome and blubbery meltdowns. Remind me again why I like camping? Oh yeah. There's this...



  (Thanks to Gram for the pics, which I stole off her facebook page!)

Today's lesson - When you're 5, BaindAid's cure just about anything. Ahh, to be 5 again...

Summer Fun

 Here's how we kick it summer style at our house.

A little bit 'o baseball. The kid realized last summer that he might like it. We'd intended on getting him signed up for tee ball this year, but, uh, it just didn't happen. Thanks to the complete lack of follow through I seem to be experiencing since baby E came along. Thankfully the kid is very forgiving, and happy to just play in the backyard. (You know you love that he's doin' it in his cow boots. Well, I do at least.)

Baby E likes to watch his big brother play baseball. And eat leaves.

Pool time with friends rocks. Ring Around the Rosies in the water is even better.

Unless you're baby E, then a nap in the pool wins out. He's been to the "big pool" twice. Both times he's fallen asleep. Maybe he and I just need to hang out here at night...

He does, however, enjoy backyard pools. (Okay, seriously, please know that I was right there and didn't just let him float around the pool by himself. Hang up the phone. No need to call my friends at social services. Anyway, I know them all personally.)

Especially with all this goin' on, the pool isn't so safe just yet for baby E. I envision the day he's right in there with the big boys. (sigh...) I know it'll happen before I'm ready for it.

A boy, his bff, some ice cream, and a hammock swing. How much better can it get??!!

Love this little face, even all covered in yogurt (for the first time).

So, that about sums up summer. Well the good parts at least. I think we've already covered what's been crappy about our summer thus far. Though I could add mosquitoes to that short list to round it out.

Today's lesson - this lesson was reinforced to me thanks to my work friend Ms. M. While those little animal backpack/leash things may look like a good idea. I can't go along with it. I mean, truly, I get why people want to use them (have you not heard me talk about my kid?!), but I just can't get out of my head the whole treating your kid like a dog thing. So, just don't. Or, if you do, please know that while I'm honestly not judging you, I will be cringing just a little. Or a lot.

The Year I Forgot Fathers' Day

And, ahem..., that would be this year. There are tons of reasons why I forgot Fathers' Day (hello - I haven't slept in nearly 9 months and sometimes even forget my own name), but those, really, aren't all that important. What is, is that I have a husband who is a father, and I forgot the 1 day a year dedicated to honoring that important role he plays in my life, and in the lives of our children.

Fathers' Day is for honoring the fact that he is doing the dishes right now, while entertaining one baby and wrangling one 5yo into staying in his seat while eating his yogurt.  It is for how he got up 2 times last night to help me fill up the SNS so I could feed the baby without waking up the 5 year old. It is for him loading up the car this morning - in the torrential thunderstorm - so we could just. get. home. It is for always knowing that when I need to run here or there without the boys that he will of course be with them. It is for knowing that he would never refer to himself as their babysitter, but always their father. It is for supporting me in breastfeeding the boys, and using donor milk with baby E, because he knew not only was it important to me, but it is what is best for the boys, regardless of what other people may have said (or not said). It is because he also sometimes fathers other children (while teaching). It is because he has learned to apologize (at least sometimes) to the kid when he makes a mistake or hurts his feelings. It is for how he rigged up the swimming pool in our backyard so it won't cause a torrential flood the backyard - another one - so the boys could have it to play in. It is for forgiving me for forgetting this important day because he knows how tired I always am. It is for being a parenting partner who balances my deficits and adds to my strengths. It is for loving our boys.

Fathers' Day is for being a father. And hubby is one who had to wait a really long time, and go through tests, and paperwork, and the writing of (HUGE) checks, and waiting, and more waiting, and tears, and fears of losing our child, and court dates. It's a big day for any father. But it is especially so for one who became so through adoption.

Happy Fathers' Day, hubby. I love you and I love the father you are and the one you are continuing to become every day.

The Baby We Never Met

Last February we got a call out of the blue. We hadn't talked at all about a second child, though we had always said we'd have more than one. But that call was the impetuous of this journey, a call from a social worker.

She said, "Hi Becky! How are you? How's the kid? I bet he's getting so big!". We chatted for a few minutes and she said, "there's a baby. She's at the hospital right now and is scheduled to be discharged tomorrow. I know we haven't been in contact with you guys for awhile, but we're wondering if you might be interested?". It was like a tornado blew threw me. There were all kinds of extenuating circumstances that led us to realize that this particular baby wasn't our second child (legal situation with birth father, baby's medical conditions, etc...), but even though we never met her, that sweet baby girl changed our lives in a substantial way. She made us realize that our hearts were ready to start this process again.

We've had a couple of other "situations" come up in the last 16-ish months. None of them were our baby either, for a variety of reasons. People always ask if we've specified a gender (or anything else - baby's race, etc...), but we haven't. I really want a girl, but I did when the kid was born too. Though I tried to get hubby to let me put a dress on him when he was born (shocker - he wasn't cool with that), I wouldn't trade him for any ole girl! Hubby thinks he'd rather have another boy, because he'd be too protective of a boy. We both decided to just leave it all up to God. I mean, really, it is anyway, isn't it?

So, today's lesson is only barely tangentially related...I used to firmly believe that gender roles were something we/society taught us. I now firmly believe that a lot of it is completely genetic. I mean, my kid has only started watching TV in the last 6 months (and even now it's only Sesame Street or Dinosaur Train, and not even every day), so I know he hasn't picked up gender roles from that. Our friends and (most of) our family are pretty open minded and don't, I think, perpetuate this stuff, at least not overtly (and I totally get that a lot of things we learn are done so very subtly). We give him gender non-specific toys and books. He goes to a Montessori school where they're not even allowed to wear clothes with characters on them. So tell me, why is my child OBSESSED with trucks, and dirt, and sticks, and tractors, and all things boy?! Why does he pick up sticks and pretend they're weapons??! So today's lesson is not only does nature often trump nurture, it's also that I'm also occasionally wrong. There, you got it, an actual admission.