Friday, August 24, 2012

The Cubicle Chronicles: Chapter Two

Subtitled: More things my ears were assaulted with while at work.

If you'd like some background on the Cubicle Chronicles, see this post.

Lady 1: Girl, you is buyin' my lunch tomorrow for dealin' with this mess.
Lady (and, I mean seriously, I use that term so very loosely) 2: A'ight. I'll take ya to the titty bar. Except the one where we can see pensises. 'Cause who wants to look at titties when you eatin' lunch? (No. Words.)

I think you need to shut the hell up before I punch you in your face through the phone. (Now, I am hoping beyond all hope that this was not to a patient. Because, if it was, it goes way past funny to just that-woman-has-got-to-be-fired status.)

This day and age, I think they oughtta just put antidepressants in the water. Because clearly everybody needs them nowadays. I mean, just look at all of us. (Well, if the employees here are your litimus test, I can see how you'd come to this conclusion...)

Man 1: Gonorrhea? Yeah I've had that before. Man 2: Yeah, it's hard to treat, isn't it? Man 1: Yeah, but trich is even harder. You gotta use Fl.agyl. I got this one wrong on the test. (And it was at this point that I put my bugged out eyes back in t heir sockets and realized they were students who were talking about diagnosing and treating STD's, not having them themselves. Good one on me.)

I have had two, yes two, huge anus-es since I've been here. And, yes, I apparently did just say that out loud. (And, um, welllllll, I admit that I have to take credit for this one. What can I say? I was talking about patients. But still.)

Hello STitches. You know, 'cause you can't say "hello      B!tches" when you're at work. (Clearly. Because we have high standards and boundaries here.)

Also, every time I go to the location where the majority of this banter occurs, a major allergy attack happens. I mean, really, even my sinuses are offended by that place.

Today's Lesson: Just a thought, but perhaps at work, on the phone, in your cubicle, isn't the proper place to have a fight with your "undersexed, al-co-hoe-lic, don't wanna never shower" ex husband.


Motleymommy said...

Bahahahahahahahahah! That just made me laugh. Thanks for sharing. Sorry you have to deal with that everyday.

Anonymous said...

Amazing. Just amazing.

Elizabeth said...

So. Funny. You must make this a regular feature. Seriously.