Thursday, June 7, 2012

Worst Tooth Fairy Ev-uh

My sweet kiddo has lost 4 teeth in the last 2 months. The first one came as quite a shock. As in, we had only just realized that it was loose a day or two before. And then, pop - quite literally - it was out.

And we had a problem. No MONEY! Ahhhhh! Quite an issue. I mean, we had a $20, but seriously. The cheap tooth fairy visits my house and she ain't handin' out $20s unless that tooth has gold in it. And is the size of a kiwi. The kid stuck that tooth in his little pillow and tucked it lovingly under his bed. And woke up with it in the same spot the next morning. Because the fairy hadn't come.

So, she did the next day. And she paid him, with interest. (That's 5 bucks, but only because it was his first, and she'd screwed up royally by forgetting him that first night.)

And then, he went and lost another damn tooth. Like 2-3 days later. And then, that damn lazy fairy, well, she completely forgot to pay him. As in, she had the money, but just went to bed. Sleep whore.

So, again, it took 2 nights for the kid to get his money. This time it was only a dollar. What? I told you she's a cheap fairy.

Funny enough, I don't remember what happened with the 3rd tooth. Which must mean that crazy winged chic finally got her stuff together.

And, then, he lost another last night. I was at work and came home to a note, telling me the fairy needed a loan to pay the kid. But, uh, all I had was a $20. And he still wasn't gettin' that. I managed to find a half dollar in my wallet (no idea where that came from) and a couple of quarters, which would have to suffice.

So, the fairy snuck stealthily into the kid's room...and couldn't find the damn pillow! And then he woke up. While she was standing right there with his money in her hand. So she was all, "come on, baby, lets go pee in the toilet". Fortunately he obliged her and did so. She ran back in to the bedroom and did the old switch-a-roo, monies for tooth. She then tucked him back in and hoped he was none the wiser.

Fortunately, he seems happy with his loot. Shew. And he looks kinda funny without those 2 front teeth.

Today's Lesson: This fairy stuff is complicated. And potentially expensive.


Peg said...

We are the worst tooth fairies EVER...we always forget and end up shelling out big bucks. We've also both been caught several's a lot tougher gig than Santa :)

M said...

That is so funny!

Jenn and Casey said...

You are definitely not the only parent that forgets so don't worry ;-) I had a kid say, "My Dad told me the tooth fairy has to wait for her payday to pay me. I'm cool with it." LOL.

Alex said...

Oh my goodness, I'm cracking up! This is hilarious! Who would have thought a tooth fairy stash is in order? "Sleep whore" - hilarious!

Kristin said...

I always tell my step-daughter that the tooth fairy called and said that a BUNCH of kids lost their teeth the day before and she couldn't get to everyone. It has worked so far!

Elizabeth said...

Hilarious! I got a quarter for every tooth when I was a kid, so when I started teaching I was SHOCKED at the amount of money kids get for teeth. One kid got $50!!! Ridiculous. Lucky for you, kids usually buy our ridiculous stories, so you should be good. ha!