I can't

I can't, I can't, I can't, oh God, I can't. God, I can't give him back to her. I can't do it. I can't watch my husband lose a son. I can't watch my child lose his brother. I can't lose my baby. He is part of my heart. Oh, God. I can't do it. R may be changing her mind. Please, God, please. I didn't let myself love him until we got home from the hospital. I thought it was safe. I love him now. And I know she does too... I don't know what to do. Please don't take him from us. I can't. I can't. Oh, God. I can't.

2nd full day home

I still don't think it's really hit me that we now have 2 sons. I'm not really sure why not though... We've had 2 nights of not much sleep. 3 days of the kid being a bit crazy, okay really crazy, whenever anyone else is around. 3 nights of others' providing dinner for us (thanks, all!!). 2 full days of cloth diapering (and one load of cloth diapering laundry). 3 days of numerous visitors sharing their excitement and love with us (and I can't tell you how much this in and of itself has touched me). 3 days of the kid being an awesome helper, being so gentle with baby E, and simply loving completely like only a little kid can. 3 days of the kid being super sensitive and in need of plenty of extra hugs and verbal encouragement. 2 days of nursing exclusively (no bottles or pacifiers - yay!). 1 days of toecurling, breath-stealing pain while nursing (I think we've now gotten this straightened out, thankfully!!!). 3 nights of prayers of thanksgiving, support, healing, and peace for R and the choice she made. 2 days of numerous text messages to/from R, giving her updates. 1 episode of General Hospital (then I remembered why I quit watching it, and even with Brenda back, it's just not worth it). Countless snuggles, kisses, and pictures.

Today's lesson - there is nothing sweeter, or more beautiful than the sight of your two children, snuggling and having their own conversation. What a blessing I have received.

We're home

We're home and I am somewhat shocked to all of the sudden find myself a mother of 2 (of course, I realize there was nothing sudden about any of this, but still). All baby E has done today is sleep, eat, poop, repeat. I'm afraid he'll be up all night. But, to be honest, I think I'm okay with that. To spend some quiet, alone time with this little miracle, well, it sounds perfect. He's still nursing like a champ. I mean, really, this sweet baby can eat!! I'm so very grateful for that.

The kid was so super excited to meet him and show him off to their Gram and some friends who brought us dinner (thanks guys!!). He kind of had a meltdown, but I think it was mostly because he was super tired. He went to bed without a fuss (though baby E started having a meltdown while I was putting the kid to bed). The kid was worried and asked me to go check "on our baby brother".

I still owe you his birth story, and I promise it's coming. It's just that I'm kinda tired, and I'm pretty sure we have a long night ahead of us. So, really, it's coming, just not tonight.

Today's lesson - have faith. It will all work out just as it's supposed to. Just have a little faith.

BABY!!

Baby E was born last night at 9:12pm. He weighed 7lbs8oz and was 20in long - I'm in shock that he was that big. I have no idea where all of him was fitting!! R was amazing, only pushing through baout 4 contractions. He actually came completely out in 1 push! By the time we got around to trying to nurse (about 4 hours afterwards) he was completely out and was too interested in sleeping to even want to nurse. So, we'll try again all day today. We stayed at the hospital til about 3am, getting about 4hrs of sleep last night. I hope R got more than that, though I kind of doubt it since baby E was going back to her room after we left. She was amazing, y'all. More about all that later as I need to jump in the shower and get ready to head on back over to the hospital.

Today's lesson - you may already know this, but I was reminded of it again last night, childbirth is truly one of the most amazing things ever. All you mommas out there who have given birth have my sincere respect and awe.

Due Date

I talked with R yesterday after her OB appointment. She's not dilated at all and it sounds like it could be a few more days, or several. Her next appointment is scheduled for next Thursday, when they'll scheduled an induction, if she hasn't already had the baby of course.

I'm was just sitting here pondering why I haven't been on here posting a ton, which is what I thought I'd be doing. Why am I not telling you how we've been getting the nursery ready, doing baby laundry, cleaning the house, freezing dinners, etc...? Why haven't I been telling you how we've narrowed our choices of names down to 2-3 (no, I'm not going to tell you what they are. Everyone's going to have to wait til the baby is born)? Why have I been avoiding the topic of our baby? Well, here it is. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I'm bit debilitated by my fear. What happens, how do I continue to stand, if this isn't our baby? If R changes her mind (and I would absolutely not be upset with her if she did that, this is, after all, HER baby until she decides he is ours), what will I do? I'm afraid to get too excited. I'm afraid to get too attached. He may not be our son. I'm afraid that devastation will be too much for me if I've gotten too attached. I'm afraid of how the kid will handle it if we have to tell him, "oops, sorry, you're not really getting a baby brother in the next week". I don't know how hubby would be, or if I would even be able to comfort him, or the kid, because of my own sorrow.

This is hard, so damn hard. I never felt like this with the kid. I knew from the moment we got that phone call that the baby was going to be our child. Now, I feel so guilty not being joyful in my preparations, thoughts, and feelings. I want to be excited. I want to be able to talk about him all the time. I want to be able to tell everyone I meet that we're about to be parents again. I'm just too scared. Instead, when I do find myself telling people, it's for a specific reason (like at work - "I may be out for the next 6 weeks, but so-and-so is here if you need someone"). And I feel guilty. Guilty that I'm not in a place to joyfully welcome new life to the world, to our family. Guilty that I can't share hubby's excitement and joy. Guilty that I'm not trusting enough, or having enough faith. Guilty and scared. It sucks. It's not where I want to be. I just don't know how to get past it...

Today's lesson - waiting still sucks.

It's a ????!!!

We met with R today, and she is lovely. She's funny, thoughtful, a little sarcastic (which I love), beautiful, articulate, and tiny! Really, she only looks about 6 months pregnant, though she said she feels enormous, as most pregnant women do by week 39.5. And, she seems committed to us parenting her baby. At present, she expressed that she feels comfortable with me being in the delivery room, though I assured her that if she changes her mind I will not be offended in the least and she should just tell me to get out. She also seemed very supportive of the breastfeeding.

Speaking of the breastfeeding, we have real progress! And by that, I mean actual milk, not just a few drops. Now, it still isn't much, but, by god, I've got colostrum, which I didn't expect. So, as those of you who know about breastfeeding would expect, it's small in amount. It's flippin' awesome, though!

Today's lesson - even if everyone and their brother tells you you're going to have a girl, and even strangers have dreams about you with a baby girl, you should not just believe them. If everyone in your family only has boys, you should just go with the assumption that you, too, will have a boy. That way, when you see the ultrasound pictures and the baby has an "impressive, you know" (as hubby said) you won't be shocked. Yeah, with that picture, there's no doubt we're expecting a baby boy!

We have droplets, people

I'm going to write today about preparing to breastfeed this baby. The procedures I've been using are called the Newman-Goldfarb protocols. For more specific info than what I'm going to go into, you can go to this website: www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/gn_protocols.html.



I've been on 2 medications for more than a year - birth control pills and a medication called domperidone. Domperidone isn't readily available in the US as though doctors can prescribe it, pharmacies can not dispense it (except for certain kinds of pharmacies, and I can't remember what they're called right now - oh yeah, compounding pharmacies and I have no idea where one of those might exist). So, I order the medication every few months from Canada. Even though this is perfectly legal, I feel a little big naughty doing it. The purpose of the medications is to replicate pregnancy, and then a baby being born. The bcp are taken consistently, without the inactive pills. The idea is when the bcp are abruptly stopped, it mimics delivery and makes your prolactin levels go up, hopefully inducing lactation. But, then the hard work starts - pumping. I started pumping Wednesday or Thursday evening (I can't remember which) and have been pumping 4-5x a day since then, and not yet during the night. I don't think I'm willing to do that until we've at least actually met R. (hopefully tomorrow!!!!). Then, I'm supposed to start pumping every 3 hours throughout the day and at least once at night as prolactin levels are highest between 1 and 4 am.

So, mostly my boobs are just sore. They're just not used to that much, uh, attention. Yesterday, during one pumping session, hubby and I were talking and I was expressing how upset I was going to be if I'd done all this and it didn't work at all. Now, please know, I have no expectations of ever having enough milk to supply all of baby's needs. But, by god, something better happen! I was starting to feel like I'd done all this (and paid for all the medication) and it was just going to be a waste. Don't ya know, I looked down and there were some drops. Now, they were little, and there were only a couple, but THEY WERE THERE! Really, I 'bout cried from relief.

I'm going this evening to get some herbs that are also recommended - Fenugreek, as a couple of you also suggested, and Blessed Thistle. So, hopefully that will also help. Eating oatmeal at least a few times a week is recommendedas well. A lactation consultant friend also gave me a recipe for "lactation cookies", which, btw, sound really yummy, so I think I'll bake up a few dozen this weekend (if we don't already have a baby and I'm not too exhausted!).

Today's lesson - persistence - and pumping - are hard work, but pay off (hopefully!) in the end. And, your kid may not be as happy to see you after a weekend away as you are to see him. Probably because his Gram spoiled him rotten. And that, really, is a good thing :)

Telling the Kid

Hubby and decided that we needed to tell the kid last night about "our baby". You know, he's been asking for over a year "when is our baby going to get here?" so I thought it would be easy to tell him. But all of the sudden hubby and I both got nervous. And then I really started to think about about it's really going to mean for him, to no longer be an only child, to no longer be the complete center of our attention. This is going to be huge for him. And he has no idea.

So, I started off with, "Poppa and I have something important to talk with you about". He continues eating dinner, barely paying any attention to us. "Bug, our baby is finally come. He or she will be here sometime next week." The kid throws his arms up in the air and yells "WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" for about 15 seconds. He then quickly said, "Can I have some dessert now?". Yeah, he's a kid, what can I say.

This morning when I took him into school, he immediately, to my surprise, said to his teacher "today my baby comes home!!!!", with a few fist pumps in the air to punctuate his excitement. She was confused, understandably, so I explained that sometime next week our baby will come home. He was glowing and jumping around with excitement. He told her how he'll get to "pat my baby to sleep and make her laugh and give her lots of love". I think he's going to be just fine. Actually, I think he's going to be the best big brother this baby could ask for. We're all so blessed.

Today's lesson - no matter what exciting thing is going on in my house, the prospect of dessert will likely take precedence.

BABY!!!!!!!!

It seems like the best possible outcome - birthdad is on board and wants to have contact with the baby. Oh, people, I don't even know what to say. I'm kind of in shock, but in the best possible way. My poor coworkers couldn't figure out, based on peeking at me through the glass door of my office, whether things had gone well, or really bad. They were funny when I came out. And they were wonderfully supportive (thanks VIP friends!!). Hubby is the calm one right now, which is kind of funny-unusual. He's calling his mom. I can't wait to hear how that goes. I called my mom and she cried with me. She posted it on FB I think as fast as I did.

So, now what? Well, the social worker is meeting with R tomorrow and will call me to set up a time when we can meet. I asked her about the baby's gender, which I haven't done up until now because I just wasn't ready to get that invested. Boy or girl - which do you think?????? I wish I knew!! She wouldn't tell me! Can you believe that??!!!!! She said it's R's news to give us, which I get, but geeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, a friend just now reminded me I have to start pumping to get ready for breastfeeding (sorry if that was too much info, but it is my blog so I get to write whatever I want). Oh my. I think it may have just hit me that this is real. Wow.

Today's lesson - there are moments when I may actually be struck speechless. This is totally one of them. Mark it down.

Today, here's where we are...

Yesterday I did talk with the social worker. She was working a charity event on Monday - I'd hoped she taken a personal day to do something fun for herself. Alas, like the rest of us, she was working. She said she'd spoke with the birthmom, herein referred to as R., who said she knew where birthdad is (I don't know his name). So, the good news is, we now know how to find him. She was going to try to get an appointment set up with him in the next day or so. So, more waiting. Grrr.

I also asked her a couple of questions and got the answers I expected. What happens if R. goes into labor before the social worker is able to talk with him? - they'd have a couple of days, while she was in the hospital, to continue to attempt contact. However, if they still were unable to do so before she and the baby were due to be released, the baby would probably go into a temporary foster home. Again, what we expected, but kind of sucks. Our other question was what would happen if she does talk to him and he just refuses to agree to the adoption plan. L. said that she will present him with the 2 options, neither of which is the possibility that he will parent this baby; either we will or R. will.

**NEWS FLASH** Just as I was typing that last sentence, L called. She said they have an appointment set up with him tomorrow afternoon. 1pm. She assured me she'll call me after she talks with him. In some ways, this is good. I know we're not going to know anything until at least (I'm going with) 3pm tomorrow. On the other hand, we now have to wait an additional 24hrs to even potentially know anything. Because, if he won't agree to it tomorrow, she'll go back and talk with him the next day as well, to see if he's changed his mind. And he can refuse, and that means this won't happen. It means that R. will parent this baby.

So, continued prayers for all of us involved in this - R., birthdad, L., hubby and me, the kid, the baby - would be very much appreciated. Stay tuned til tomorrow afternoon to see what we find out...

Today's lesson was going to be (thanks to my momma) that you never know how you'll help someone, but my mind isn't able to fit that in right now. So, it's a repeat from the last one - sometimes all you can still do is wait. And, yes, the waiting still SUCKS!

Lack of an Update

Today I have absolutely nothing to tell you. I called our social worker only to hear a message on her machine saying she wasn't in today. AAAHHHHHH!!!!! I left a message. Hopefully we'll hear from her tomorrow. For the love of pete, we'd better hear from her tomorrow.

Hubby and I both seem to really be struggling to focus on anything at all. Fortunately he has a student teacher in his classroom to pick up the slack! I have some wonderful co-workers who are trying to help me focus. I'm not sure how successful they've been though. We've not yet told the kid about any of this, so we're kind of talking in code and trying to keep him unaware for the time being. It seems a successful endeavor thus far.

That's it. That's all. More waiting...

Today's lesson - sometimes waiting is all you can do. And it sucks.

Funny Things the Kid Says

I thought I'd share some funny things my kid has said lately (mostly because I need a distraction - can't imagine there's any chance I'll sleep tonight or be productive tomorrow. I'm planning to call the social worker if I haven't heard from her tomorrow afternoon. Here's hoping I, heck hubby too, can make it til then!! Also, thanks so much for all your thoughts and prayers. I know they've made the biggest difference. We've spent the weekend cleaning the whole house and getting the nursery mostly ready, just in case.)

"Momma, did you know I'm super funky? Well, I am. I don't know why. God just made me that way. Super funky. Yup, that's me alright."

(Coming out of his room from his nap) "Snap, snap. Snap, snap. That's what I said. Snap, snap. Snap, snap, people."

"Just call me snap-snap-zoom-zoom. 'Cause I'm cool like that. Zoom-zoom-zoomy-zoom-zoom. I'm speedy people."

"I have a toe claw like a [some kind of dinosaur whose name I can't remember]. It's the smartest dinosaur ever and I'm smarter than Jonah [the dog], so it's the same thing."

This one requires some additional prestory. One of the things I did this weekend was get the breastpump ready since I'll hopefully be needing it soon. I had all the parts and pieces out, cleaning them, making sure I didn't need to get any replacement pieces. The kid was asking a lot of questions about what it was and how it was used. I sat everything in the nursery and walked out to get something, thinking he was right behind me. When I returned to the room, the kid had his shirt pulled up with the breastpump attached in the correct places. I said, "whacha doin', bug?". He said, "I'm just sittin' around here". "What for, bug?" "Well, Momma, I'm just sittin' and waitin' for my momma milk to come in. I figure it'll be here soon since I got this thing workin' and all."

That kid just cracks me up.

Today's lesson is that sometimes when you explain things to a 4yo, you should probably include seemingly obvious details. Like breastmilk only comes out of mommas. Not 4yos. Not even if they have the breastpump hooked up in the right way.

Today

Today I was going to write about something, but it can wait til tomorrow. Compared to what today is really about, it's unimportant.

So, today I remember the day our lives changed as a country. Today I remember where I was when things turned upside down. Today I remember disbelief. Today I remember driving to work, hearing of the first plane. Today I remember telling my coworkers. Today I remember their faces and words of disbelief. Today I remember watching the second plane. Then hearing of the third. Today I remember first thinking what a horrible accident. Today I remember the horror when I realized that it was not an accident. Today I remember when we all slowly realized that it was not an accident. Today I remember loss of innocence. Today I remember the fear. Today I remember the grief. Today I remember those who died. Today I remember those who survived. Today I remember those still affected. Today I remember those who were lost. Today I remember the sadness.

Today I remember. Today the lesson is that I will always remember.

Vacation

One of hubby's primary concerns, well the one he can articulate at the moment, is about a vacation we have planned. It's scheduled to take place a couple of weeks after the baby is due. Well, it seems unlikely that we'd want to take a 1-2 week old infant 8 hours away. But we haven't had a vacation in 4 years!!!! We're really overdue for some family away time.

So, this morning hubby emailed the condo owner and explained the situation. You won't guess how the man replied. He said he was adopted and "it is always special to me to hear the joyous news of adoption". I mean, REALLY??!!! He assured us that he's happy to move the dates without financial penalty. He also said he'd be praying for and thinking of us. Check.

It reminded me of how all the checks just fell into place with the kid. They were different kinds of checks (a crib, a dresser, etc...) but they were checks. It's amazing how things sometimes can work out, if you have a little faith, and don't get in the way.

And again, all I'm left with is "crap y'all".

(Non) Update

For those of you wondering, we've not heard anything new today. I suspect it may be a few days before we do hear anything else, so they have time to talk with the birth father. I've thought of all kinds of questions I would like answered (has she had good prenatal care, is baby a boy or girl, where will she deliver, was there any substance use, etc...), but those questions seem unimportant until this stuff is worked out with the birth father. So, here I sit, accomplishing nothing, thinking, trying not to think, planning, trying not to plan, hoping, trying not to hope too much, laughing at poor hubby who is really freaking out, wanting to talk of nothing but this possibility, wanting not to talk about it. What a day.

Today's lesson - be careful what you ask for!

What a Day!!

Crap, y'all. It's been a day. Started off with the kid and I on the wrong foot. He woke up too early because he peed in the bed (suggestions on how to help him stop this would be seriously welcomed!) and was really whiney. I apparently woke up on the wrong side of the bed and kind of lost it with him because I don't do well with whiney. We both took a well-earned time out and proceeded to school, late, of course. And being late always gets me cranky.

Then I found out that some people I used to know pretty well were arrested in a drug bust early this morning. Their kids were there and had to witness it. While I'm not exactly surprised, I am really sad about it, for them and their kids...for them having never had a good chance at being anywhere other than where they ended up...for the likelihood that their kids will also end up there.

Then I decided that I was going to call a different adoption agency, just to get some info, because we are really OVER this wait. Seriously, 18 months is too long, I'm over it. That was a really good conversation. The lady told us that they typically place within 6-12 months. However, when I told her some additional information, like that we already have a son who is African American and want another child who is as well, she thought we would have a baby within (get ready for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 3-4 WEEKS. That is 3-4 weeks from when they do a home study update, so realistically about 5-7 weeks from now! That's huge, right??!

And then, I decided to call our social workers just to see what they had to say, what they know about the agency. When I called the first time neither of them were there. So I decided I'll just call back tomorrow. But then I decided to call back, just to leave a voice mail. I was surprised by L, one of our social workers, actually answering the phone (shocked because really, they're hardly ever there). We chatted a few minutes and she actually said she's been reading the blog (Hi, L!) and wants to share some of it with the current potential adoptive parents group. I'm so honored that she feels like what I have to say is... I don't know...valid? good enough? I don't know. I'm certainly humbled and so appreciative that she feels like it will be helpful to others!

So then (I know - can you believe there's more??!) I asked her about the other agency and she had good things to say, but hesitantly asked me if we might be willing to wait a few weeks before sending them our info. I said I guessed that was fine. She said there are a couple of situations. She asked if I wanted to know more. I said "yeah", but I was thinking something more along the lines of "Hell YES!". Turns out we've been picked by a birth mother! Holy crap, people! This is IT! Well, maybe, but it's certainly HUGE!!!! She explained that she hadn't called us yet because the birth father is currently MIA and he has to be found before we can really do anything. They need to know his feelings and intentions. He does know she's pregnant and there's reason to believe he also does not want to parent this baby. However, until L actually talks to him, we really don't know anything.

As my friend and co-worker T. said, I'm trying to stay in a state of quiet excitement. I don't want to get too excited in case this isn't our baby, for whatever reason. But I also feel like maybe I am ready to have some hope again. It feels safe to hope and that is such a relief. We have some movement at least.

I'm asking for prayers, supportive thoughts, positive mojo, good vibes, whatever - not just for us, but for this birth mother and for this baby. What we want is that she is able to do whatever it is she really feels is best for her and her child, whether that be for the baby to be parented by us or her, or someone else. I know my thoughts and prayers are with her (and L - that she's able to find this birthdad and get somewhere with him).

Today's lesson, maybe, just maybe, sometimes signs really are signs and not just in your head. And maybe, just maybe, I should trust them and have a little more faith.

P.S. Um, important detail - yeah, the baby's due 9/24. Yeah, that's right about 2 weeks. And I repeat, crap, y'all.

Do this, don't do that. Can't you read the signs?

When I was in the midst of my infertility, and still trying to get pregnant, I used to play all kinds of games with myself just to cope. The "games" I used to play most often were looking for signs and making deals. I looked for signs in everything."By the time I finish this bottle of prenatal vitamins, I'll be pregnant." "Before this client has her baby, I'll be pregnant." "Once hubby and I get through this rough patch, we'll get pregnant." "If I just calm down and enjoy this vacation, we'll get pregnant." "The next time a butterfly lands on me will mean that the baby is on it's way." Bargains between me and God. Seems I forgot to mention it to God though, as it never worked.

But I find myself doing this again now. It never happened with the kid, I think because there really was no waiting. This time that's all there seems to be. So now I find myself bargaining again and looking for signs. "By the time I finish this bottle of vitamins, our baby will be here." "Our baby will come before all these pregnant women around me have theirs." "Once I get a new job and get settled, our baby will be born." "When we go out of town, we'll get 'the call'." "That girl was in my class when the kid was born and I haven't seen her since. It must be the sign." "The new priest at our church was actually the priest at the church we were attending when the kid was born." All kinds of crazy, arbitrary events and deals that seem to signify to me that our baby is on his or her way. All kinds of anxiety and wasted time thinking about and looking for signs that really mean nothing.

I think all of this is my way of trying to make sense out of what we're going through, and my way of trying to exert some kind of control. We just have to deal with certain situations, or get something accomplished to "be ready" for our baby, or once we pass these "tests" we'll prove that we're ready and able. And what my brain knows is that this whole sign stuff is probably just silly. That there's nothing I can do to make this go any faster. It's God's timeline, not mine, so coming up with arbitrary events or deadlines does nothing but make me even crazier. Yeah, my head gets that, my heart doesn't. My heart just won't go along with the rationale that I have no control over any of this. That thought just makes my heart drop into the pit of my stomach where my brain can't reach it.

Today's lesson - it sucks to feel like you have absolutely no control over your life. This is probably related to why toddlers have so many tantrums - they recognize that life is full of choices, but they aren't allowed to make many for themselves. Excuse me while I go have a smallish sort of tantrum.

Camping: Why I hate and love it

We just returned from a weekend camping trip. As I was laying on the air mattress (we don't exactly rough it) trying to go to sleep one night, I was trying to remember why I love camping. Because, really I do. But, if you know me at all, it doesn't make sense. See, many common components of camping are things I really and truly hate. For one, I hate sweating. Like, really hate it. For another, while mosquitoes adore me (as in if there's one in the tri-state area in December, it will find and make a meal of me), the feeling is not mutual. Another, I can't sleep when there's noise going on. We bring a fan to help with this. Heck, I also take Tylenol PM, and sometimes a drink or two to help with this, but all that doesn't exactly negate the noise factor. Also, I don't sleep well if the air mattress isn't inflated just perfectly, which it usually isn't. There's also the icky bathroom situation. I mean, we don't go anywhere without a real bathroom, but still, if you have to wear shoes and avoid the walls at all costs, it's just yucky. There's also being dirty, smelling of smoke and bacon (I HATE bacon!! Whatever, I don't care if you think that makes me weird. I just can't stand it.) and bug spray. And my kid gets up at the crack of dawn (hello, 5:30am). And ALLERGIES!!!!!! Oh, I hate them.

So, remind me...why do I like camping??! Okay, well, here are a few reasons I came up with while the people a few sites over were partying until the crack of dawn and keeping me awake. It's like the best excuse to just sit around and do nothing. And those of us who are a little Type A, well, we need that excuse. I only feel a little guilty about it, whereas if I were at home, I just couldn't do it at all. also, I really do love the beauty of nature. Also, when I do have a good night of sleep while camping, it's really good. Also, camping is a chance to spend time with people I don't often get to see. It's about the only time hubby and I get to sit down and play a board game together.

Here's the biggest reason I love camping. It's because of my kid. That's not really a surprise, right? But, here's why specifically. I know he loves being outside. Mostly, though, I know with all of my professional knowledge, and my momma brain, that being outside is in his absolute best interest. I heard a talk once by a noted child psychiatrist and/or pediatrician (yeah, I should remember his name, but I don't). He talked about how in many ways our kids are actually UNDER stimulated. We usually think of them as being overstimulated, right? Too much TV, video games, computer time, etc... But what he was saying, and it didn't really resonate with me at the time, was that being outside is incredibly stimulating, and in all the right ways. There's the grass beneath their feet, the breeze on their cheeks, the sun on their skin, the sound of all the critters, dirt to taste, and places unknown - and best of all real - to explore. There is fine motor stimulation, gross motor stimulation, opportunities to balance, track sounds, and discover new textures. They get to use all of their senses all at once. And that, my friends, is the right kind of stimulation.

So, that's why I love camping. That and it wears the heck out of my kid. Can you say 7:30 bedtime tonight?! Woohoo!! Hubby just also reminded that our love of camping was also one of the reasons the kid's birth parents chose us - that's, he said, a pretty damn good reason, too.

Today's lesson is my list of some of my camping musts - twice as many clothes as you think your kid (and you) will need; more blankets than you ever thought necessary as who knows when it might be in the 40's at night and that's freaking cold when you're in a tent; sidewalk chalk - it's great for entertaining adults and children alike; and flip flops for the icky showers. Oh yeah, and don't forget the alcohol and Tylenol PM. And if you have some extra, share them liberally with your neighbors and friends!

Parents, lock up your daughters

People, you have no idea how much my kid loves teenage girls. Actually, it's more like about age 11 to age 24. I don't mean he kind of thinks they're fun because they think he's cute and pay attention to him. I mean stopping-in-the-middle-of-the-street-and-staring-at-them-mouth-agape-as-they-walk-along-kind-of-way. I mean making-up-14-imaginary-teenage-sisters-who-live-in-the-basement-kind-of-way. I mean running-around-like-a-crazy-person-when-he's-at-my-office-having-a-difficult-time-formulating-complete-coherent-sentences-because-there-are-pretty-girls-who-work-there-kind-of-way. I mean being-fascinated-with-stripping-clothes-off-barbie-dolls-kind-of-way. I mean interrupting-Gram-when-she's-reading-a-book (which is one of his absolute favorite things to do)-to-get-ready-for-a-fictional-date-with-fictional-girls-whose-names-he-doesn't-know-kind-of-way. I mean waving-and-grinning-and-pretending-to-be-shy-with-high-school-girls-on-the-school-bus-next-to-us-at-a-stoplight-and-saying-how-the-girls-want-to-marry-him-kind-of-way. I mean dumping-his-friends-as-soon-as-a-girl-comes-into-the-vicinity-kind-of-way. I mean dumping-his-MOMMA-as-soon-as-a-girl-comes-into-the-vicinity-kind-of-way.

If it's this bad now, I'm terrified of what puberty will bring. And, even though it's cute now to most of the girls, I fear it will become stalker-ish as he gets older. So, I'll enjoy his love of females, and foster it so he (HOPEFULLY!) won't become creepy but will instead respect women for the fabulous creatures we are.

Today's lesson? If you see an adorable 4yo staring at you out in public, it might be my kid and is definitely because he thinks you're beautiful. Smile back at him. It'll make his day!