Resolve is a great organization aimed at increasing awareness about infertility. In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, they are asking bloggers to bust myths about infertility. Here's mine: that after you become a parent, the hurts of infertility are magically healed.
Parenthood doesn't erase the effects of infertility. It doesn't just make you forget the hardship, the heartache. Infertility isn't forgotten the moment you become a parent. It's everpresent, pervasive, popping up when you least expect it. It's the guilt that smacks you in the face when you feel frustrated with the baby who is up for the 4th time that night, because, by god, you asked, no begged, for this child. It's hearing the statement, "oh, now that you've adopted it's just a matter of time before you get pregnant" and the sinking feeling when you smile sheepishly and said, "oh yeah, well, we'll see", knowing it's not going to happen. It's in feeling like you should explain and defend your decision to breastfeed your child, especially since you didn't give birth to him. Or how defeated you feel when you still have to supplement feedings because your body couldn't even do this one thing right (make enough breastmilk to sustain your child). It's the kick in the gut you get when a "friend" tells you that maybe the reason the baby wouldn't respond to efforts to get him to sleep at night is because "you don't know what his mom did while she was pregnant with him, or what kind of effect that has on him now, or will as he gets older". It's the anger and defensiveness that pop up when you're asked where your kids' "real parents" are. It's the sadness and protectiveness you feel when your child asks why no one in his family looks anything like him. It's the disbelief you feel when someone says "oh, you decided to become a parent the easy way. Lucky you". It's there. It's always there.
Today's lesson - while time certainly can take the edge off things, it doesn't necessarily heal all wounds.
Here are a couple of links with some info about Resolve and infertility: