Thursday, April 21, 2011


I know all these pictures are blurry. But it seems right to me that they are. The boys were playing together. It was adorable, and they really didn't stay still for more than a moment. And, you see, rarely do things stand still in my house. Heck, rarely do things stand still in life at all. And when you're sleep deprived - like for 6 months - things get really blurry, moving so fast it's hard to keep track, hard to remember what's going on around you.

Hard to remember all the smiles, in the midst of the exhaustion. Hard to remember the giggles, growling, squealing, belly laughs, when you've been sleeping only in 2-3 hour stretches for more than 6 months.

What you start to remember are all the long, long nights. The sad kid who doesn't want to sleep alone in his bed because nobody else in the house has to sleep alone (little does he know how much YOU would like to sleep alone, even if just for one night!). The tears of exhaustion when the baby wakes up for the 4th time that night, needing to be soothed back to sleep. The arguments with the spouse because you're both too tired to deal with it, whatever "it" may be that particular time. The constant redirections of the kid who misses being the center of the world, but adores his brother so much he would do anything to help him. The time you used to have to do things you enjoy, but now can't seem to find, or are simply too tired to engage in.
But then, one of these moments occurs, where you have the wherewithal to grab the camera and snap away. Because these moments are the ones that remind you why you wanted, want, to be a parent. They're the ones that remind you how much, even though you are really overwhelmingly exhausted, you love your life. They're the ones that negate all the sucky moments. They're the ones that you think of when a friend is trying to decide whether she wants to have kids. They're the most important ones. They're the ones that make all of the hard parts totally and completely worth it. They're the ones you can't imagine your life without. They're joy.

Today's lesson - Sometimes when you lose your cellphone, you should look in the freezer. It just might be there. Especially if you're sleep deprived. Apparently under certain circumstances, the freezer is the perfect - and logical - place to stash it, especially when your life is just a bit blurry.

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