Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Birth Parents' Perspective

So I found THIS awesome blog written by a birth mother about her experience with adoption. I often read blogs written by other families formed through adoption.  But I don't read many written by birth parents. Not sure why this is, other than I just don't know many birth parents.

I do have a good friend who placed her child for adoption many years ago. She has been such an inspiration to me throughout our adoption journey. She has been a reminder that birth parents make the best decisions they can. She has been a reminder of the pain and sadness of adoption, even though I know she is certain that she made the best decision she could at that point in her life. She has helped me to be more empathetic towards the boys' birth parents when I am feeling frustrated with their actions or words. She has helped me to understand why they might have withdrawn from us at times, and that even though we may not hear from them regularly, they never forget the boys; they always love them. She has helped me to remember to focus on their needs, and on what responsibilities I have to them, not just to the boys. She is a strong woman, and I am grateful to know her, and to call her my beautiful friend.

And the blog, I think it, too, is a great perspective for me. I think it's also a great perspective for any of you who are also touched personally by adoption (and truthfully, if we really look around us, that's most of us). I have found this blog in particular to be such a great source for me - of pure information about her experience, of reminders to be more empathetic. She's candid and honest, the good and the bad. Honestly, I do sometimes forget to think about the pain that the boys' birth families have gone/are going through. I get caught up in our lives, or feel possessive of my sons. I've been know to get irritated by what I feel are too frequent requests for pictures ("geez, I just sent one yesterday" or "I don't have time to get those photos developed"). But then I talk to my friend and she makes (a rare) mention of her daughter, or I read a blog, and I am reminded that these boys are not just my children and I have the pleasure and privilege of seeing them every day. It takes very little effort on my part to extend a small gesture of kindness.

If you're local and are so inclined, I'd love to invite you to a thing we're doing this Friday 3/25 @ 6pm (leave me a comment, or FB msg, or email, etc... and I'll getcha the details). Because it's Lent, and we have a big group of friends who have all been blessed through adoption, we're going to get together and say a Rosary in honor of all birth families. I'll be focusing specifically on the boys' birth families, my dear friend, the birth families of our friends' kiddos, but, really, all birth families. If you've got kids, please bring 'em, or just bring yourself :) It'll be chaotic with kids running all around, but that's perfect and exactly what it should be. If you're not local, or just can't come, I invite you to say a little pray with us where ever you are (whether you're Catholic or not) at 6pm this Friday, in honor of all birth families. And, even if you're not Catholic, I would still love for you to join us.

Today's lesson - if you sit at work, in your office, but don't turn the lights on, you are technically at work (therefore should get paid), but aren't really there enough for people to actually expect you to do work, especially til you've at least finished your Venti Carmel Macchiato. Right? Yeah, that's what I think, too.

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