Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Another amazing milk mommy for baby E

This weekend I picked up milk from a family whose beautiful little boy died when he was just a month old. No, I don't know what happened to him. I just know how sad I feel every time I nurse baby E with the milk that was meant for this other baby. I've been encouraged to feel blessed by the family's generous gift, and I do, but I can't stop thinking about their horrific loss. I can't help feeling like maybe we made it worse for them.

I never imagined accepting donor milk would be so emotional. I've watched baby E's milk mommies have varying reactions to giving us milk. Several of the mommas have wanted to just talk and talk (which I've certainly enjoyed!). Many of those, I think, were attached to their milk (for good reason - that stuff really is liquid gold!) and I think the talking helps them feel better about letting go of it. Some of them have handed it off with smiles, instantly comfortable. In the end they've all seemed to feel happy about being able to help us in this special way.

This momma, though... it was just so sad. When she brought it up from the freezer, she broke down, sobbing. I felt like I was taking something that connected her to her baby, which, in reality, I was. I felt like I was causing her undue pain. As we hugged, I told her how sorry I was, and how grateful for this gift. We all cried.

I think about their whole family every time baby E and I sit down with the milk meant for that sweet little soul. I pray that their family's grief eases into peace. I hope that their gift to us helped them move a little closer to healing, instead of feeling like yet another loss.

The momma gave me a picture of her beautiful boy "to put in baby E's scrapbook", and be assured I will do exactly that. I will write - and later tell him - about the brave family who made a selfless choice to share a precious gift with us. I will never forget this family. Their loss, their strength, their pain, their selflessness, their beauty have all touched me profoundly.

Today's lesson - Strength, beauty, selflessness, grace take on many forms. Humans are capable of them all, even in the midst of great pain. To be a witness of such acts is a gift.

5 comments:

Myra said...

Oh wow, what a brave way to turn a horrible loss into something good. God bless her...

Becky said...

Yes, her and her husband. They certainly could use all of our prayers.

Suzie said...

Now I'm crying, too.... what a strong and self-less woman.

Steven Lange said...

This family truly is remarkable. They are dear friends of ours, and we have been blessed to be able to serve them during this difficult time. Their faith in Jesus shines brightly. Thank you for allowing them to serve you and be a blessing to you and your baby.

Becky said...

It is humbling to allow others to serve you. Thank you for the reminder that that is what they have done for us. For some reason, I have put off using the last of that sweet boy/momma's milk. It's sitting in the freezer and we use other milk. I don't know why other than whenever I see it in there, it is a reminder to me of that beautiful family. Please let them know they're always in our prayers.