Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Baby We Never Met

Last February we got a call out of the blue. We hadn't talked at all about a second child, though we had always said we'd have more than one. But that call was the impetuous of this journey, a call from a social worker.

She said, "Hi Becky! How are you? How's the kid? I bet he's getting so big!". We chatted for a few minutes and she said, "there's a baby. She's at the hospital right now and is scheduled to be discharged tomorrow. I know we haven't been in contact with you guys for awhile, but we're wondering if you might be interested?". It was like a tornado blew threw me. There were all kinds of extenuating circumstances that led us to realize that this particular baby wasn't our second child (legal situation with birth father, baby's medical conditions, etc...), but even though we never met her, that sweet baby girl changed our lives in a substantial way. She made us realize that our hearts were ready to start this process again.

We've had a couple of other "situations" come up in the last 16-ish months. None of them were our baby either, for a variety of reasons. People always ask if we've specified a gender (or anything else - baby's race, etc...), but we haven't. I really want a girl, but I did when the kid was born too. Though I tried to get hubby to let me put a dress on him when he was born (shocker - he wasn't cool with that), I wouldn't trade him for any ole girl! Hubby thinks he'd rather have another boy, because he'd be too protective of a boy. We both decided to just leave it all up to God. I mean, really, it is anyway, isn't it?

So, today's lesson is only barely tangentially related...I used to firmly believe that gender roles were something we/society taught us. I now firmly believe that a lot of it is completely genetic. I mean, my kid has only started watching TV in the last 6 months (and even now it's only Sesame Street or Dinosaur Train, and not even every day), so I know he hasn't picked up gender roles from that. Our friends and (most of) our family are pretty open minded and don't, I think, perpetuate this stuff, at least not overtly (and I totally get that a lot of things we learn are done so very subtly). We give him gender non-specific toys and books. He goes to a Montessori school where they're not even allowed to wear clothes with characters on them. So tell me, why is my child OBSESSED with trucks, and dirt, and sticks, and tractors, and all things boy?! Why does he pick up sticks and pretend they're weapons??! So today's lesson is not only does nature often trump nurture, it's also that I'm also occasionally wrong. There, you got it, an actual admission.

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