Wednesday, September 12, 2012

This is what we talk about at dinner

Here's the stimulating conversation at dinner at my house last night.

Bep-nin pee.
Yes, Zeplin (our friends' dog) pees.
Bep-nin pee ou-sigh.
Yes, Zeplin pees outside.
Pee staiw-s.
Oh, yes. Yesterday Zeplin peed outside on our stairs.
Nonah pee ou-sigh.
Yes, Jonah (our dog) pees outside.
No, no, no!! Nonah pee ou-sigh.
Ah, I see. Do you mean Jonah pees in the backyard outside?
Uh (yes). Nonah pee baaaaaaack.
Bepnin pee staiw-s.
Fortheloveofallthingsholy, please no more talk about dogs and pee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poppa pee potty. Momma pee potty. [Kid] pee ou-sigh*. Baby pee bi-per (diaper).
(face plant)

Baby E, did you see my drawings?
They're really awesome, right?
Riiiiiiight, kid.  Kid riiiiight.
That's how it works, baby E. I'm right 'cause I'm the big brother.

How was school today, kiddo?
Tell me something awesome that happened.
Well, I had music. And did you see the drawings I did?
In music?
But what about music?
I'm talking about my drawings.
I'm asking you about music class.
(baby E) Poop!!!!!
(the kid) Hahahahahahaha!!!!
(hubby) Hahahahahaha!
(face plant)

I remember when complete and complex sentences - no, whole paragraphs! - were the norm at our dinner table. Urination and bowel movements were not. Sometimes I dream of meals not involving potty talk, or reminders to sit down. Reminders to use utensils. Reminders that throwing cups is not acceptable. Reminders that spitting is gross (not hilarious) and grounds for leaving the table.

But, then they make me laugh so hard I nearly spit my milk out. And I realize I wouldn't trade these days for anything. Conversations in the future will naturally become more "appropriate" and (surely!) there will be a day when there will be no rehashing the urination locations of everyone we've ever met. Surely. And if that's not the case, don't tell me. Let me live in my happy world.

*I have NO idea why baby E said the kid pees outside. He doesn't I swear! I mean, he does sometimes when we're camping. But he doesn't at home. I think. I hope. Sweetbabyjesus, please tell me my kid isn't peeing in our very visible suburban backyard.

Today's Lesson: Apparently a newly born grandchild takes precedence over following up with a parent in your child's class. This is seems totally reasonable. You know, while you're out of state with said grandchild. However, after you're back at work and have a couple of days to get caught up, perhaps you should call. Just sayin'. (And I'll be emailing her again tomorrow, since she never has called or emailed or anything. I'm sure she understandably just forgot with all that's been going on.)


Alex said...

Oh my goodness, this is hilarious. I guess my wishing that Alex would talk to me at the dinner table should wait for awhile... Then again, I've heard boys and girls are different? LOL!

Kelly said...

Bathroom conversations are hilarious to children. Mea talks about poop, pee and farts all the time.

It is just one of those things.

I have a feeling it lasts a bit longer with boys than it does with girls. :)

Good luck!

Emms said...

Ought the joys of a houseful of boys ;). Someday you may have better conversations, punctuated by darts and burps lol.

Has the teacher called you back yet?!