Saturday, April 6, 2013

HAWMC: Day 6, a Letter to IF

Today's prompt is to write a letter to your future self, either asking a question or reminding of a lesson you don't want to forget. I though and thought on this but really couldn't come up with anything substantial.

So, the alternate prompt is to write a letter to your condition. And then I realized that I did this when I (half-assed) participated in NHBPM in November. And, because I'm kind of lame sometimes, I decided to repost that letter today. Because, really, it still says what I'd like to say to IF. You know, if we were face-to-face.

Dear Infertility,
My initial thought is to just tell you "you suck" and "I hate you" and leave it at that. Since, you know, those things are true. So, so very true. I mean, you suck in oh, so many ways. I could go into a whole "let me count the ways" kind of rant. And it would be long. But I'll abstain. Because, well, that would just piss me off further.

And, really, I do have something more important to say to you.

Infertility, I am daily reminded that without you, I wouldn't have my boys. I hate you a lot (and I do mean a lot), but I have my kid and my baby E because of you. You serve as a reminder to me to try to see the possibilities that arise from the heartache. You remind me that good things come from the bad. That there are always opportunities for healing.

Now, I will never go so far as to thank you for, well, being you, and well, attaching yourself to me. But I can acknowledge a gratefulness. Because you are a tangible reminder to me that out of the pain can come good, once we are in a place to see and accept it. And when we are able to make some sort of peace with the crap we're thrown, we make room for good to come in.

And, for that, Infertility, I have to give you a little bit less hate.

That's the best I can do. Today at least.

The Infertile Social Worker come Momma

Today's Lesson: I believe we are presented with opportunities to learn lessons throughout our lives. Not to say that bad things happen to teach us a lesson, mind you. But that things happen, and things can be learned from those. God speaks in whispers, getting progressively louder, sometimes yelling at us to learn the damn lesson already.

Infertility, for me, was certainly a yelling. And, lord knows, it was a lesson it took me a long time to hear. But it's now a lesson I've learned. From the bad, the awful, the horrible things that happen to us, we can learn something. And, I don't know about you, but it gives me some peace. To know that something good can, will come of it all.

1 comment:

Em said...

What a healthy, real perspective. I know that while my infertility took my son, it also brought me my daughter and a lot of other stuff too...good stuff.