Wednesday, February 2, 2011


So I haven't written much about birthdad - D. Until today. Today I'm going to talk about him. Because we're meeting him tomorrow. For the first time. And I'm nervous about it. To be honest, I'm all kinds of freaking out about it.

When baby E was born, and until recently, D was unavailable and not substantially in the picture. Well, he's back, or should I say, here. And he wants to see baby E. Why, you ask, are you freaking out about this? Well, yes, we do want an open adoption with all of baby E's birth family, including D. It's just that the contact we've had with him thus far has been...ummmm... awkward...uncomfortable...something. First, the adoption was not his plan. Also, he wasn't particularly pleased about it, especially at first. He did agree to terminate his rights because he agreed that neither he nor R were in a position to parent baby E, but he less than happy about it.

We received a letter from him, which was...odd. He is, to say the least, less than thrilled about my nursing baby E, which he made clear in his letter. I mean, I completely understand why it's probably weird for him (not knowing it was even possible, seeing someone else have that intimate of a connection with "his" child, etc...), but it just makes things more uncomfortable for me. It means that I will have to excuse us from the room if baby E decides he needs to eat tomorrow while we're there. I normally nurse where ever, whenever, but this just seems like a time to be respectful of D, and keep things as opposite of weird as possible for all of us. Hopefully baby E just doesn't need to eat then and it's a non-issue.

So, then there's the whole part where I feel pretty certain that he's going to refer to baby E as his son. And while I feel like I will be less affected by this than I would have been pre-TPR, I know it will be uncomfortable and probably set off my momma-bear instincts. I have a feeling that that will be really difficult for hubby too, to have someone else referring to himself as our child's father.

We were going to take the kid with us (didn't think that through very well at first). Fortunately, my mom has generously agreed to have a "gram date" with him so we won't have to do that.

So, here's hoping things go well tomorrow. Or just don't go badly. I don't really know what "well" looks like anyway.

Today's lesson - my house is infinitely quieter during the day. And I am infinitely more productive. Even when holding a baby all day.

1 comment:

Lechelle said...

B's birth father found out I nursed when he accidentally stumbled upon our blog (the real reason we went private, we found out and we need to keep info about B's birth mom away from birth dad). He hasn't mentioned anything about it, but I think it makes him very uncomfortable.

B's birth father always refers to B as "his son" and us as "the couple who adopted his son". He signs things to B as "your father". We just ignore the issue. Maybe in a couple years when B is old enough to realize what he is saying we will bring the issue up, or we will see if discussing it with B is enough, I don't know. but it is definitely WEIRD and uncomfortable.

Good luck. I really hope you guys can eventually meet and have a positive relationship.