Saturday, May 12, 2012

BirthMothers' Day

I first heard of Birthparents Day (or is it actually BirthMothers Day - not sure which), when we were going through our classes with the agency. I thought it a wonderful way to honor women and men who have made the choice to place their babies for adoption. I thought, "how great that they have a day just for them".

But in the last couple of years, as I've read the blogs of more and more birthmothers, I've realized something. Most of birthmothers don't want this day. Most just want to be honored and remembered on the same day as the rest of us mothers. They want Mothers' Day to be theirs as much as it is any other mother's.

And I think I now agree with them.

It sounds like Birthmother's day was created by a birthmom with good intentions. But the impression I've gotten from birthmothers themselves, is that they feel it's a way to marginalize them, and make them less than what they are. Try to say that they aren't the same as the mothers who are raising children.

But that makes no sense. There is no one kind of mother. There are stepmothers. There are mothers-in-law. There are mothers in waiting. There are mothers who have lost their children. There are mothers who gave birth to their children. There are house mothers. There are mothers who adopted their children. There are honorary mothers, those women who have stepped up for us when we've needed it. There are grandmothers. There are the friends who mother us. There are the mentors who mother children.

There are so many women who serve as mothers. And simply put, we are all mothers. No more. No less. All of us, mothers.

And I will celebrate us all tomorrow.

Today's Lesson: Good intentions certainly don't always turn out that good, do they?


Peg said...

Amen. Happy mother's day to you!

Lechelle said...

Happy Mother's Day Becky!

We asked B's birth mom when she wanted to celebrate, and she said she wanted Birth Mother's Day. Most birth mom's I know prefer that day. I think it's important to celebrate the day your children's birth mother's want, whether it's today, tomorrow, or six weeks from now. we shower her with extra love and sentimental gifts on the day she chose, and talk to B about honoring her in our home on the day she chose and traditional mother's day.

Eileen said...

Many many Mothers out there are the most loving, unshelfish, givers of themselves, in all walks of life. They write love letters to their children daily.

Becky said...

Lechelle -
That's a really great point. I think it is really individual and asking each person is certainly the best way to go :)

Kristin said...

Did you know they also have a Step Mother's Day the Sunday after Mother's Day? That alwasy bothered me as a Step Mother. But I do think Lechelle makes a good point that we should ask what these wonderful women prefer and honor that choice!

BumbersBumblings said...

You know I like this post :).