It's been awhile since I talked at all about infertility. Which is interesting because for some reason it's been on my mind a lot lately. And popping up, causing some issues. I guess I haven't really know how to articulate it, or even had enough clarity of what's going on in my head to even start putting words to it. And then this whole "I'm _____ weeks and I'm craving ____" thing on facebook started up. And it has me seriously irritated for a couple of reasons.
First, what the hell does it have to do with breast cancer awareness?! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! If your aim is to educate people about breast cancer (though, honestly, who doesn't know about it?! Not that that means we should stop talking about it, of course, but let's not pretend like it's something people haven't heard about), then how about talking about mammograms, or donating to research, or how our overall health affects our risk of developing it. How about talking about what we can do to support the women (and men!) who are living with it right now. Let's not pretend like we're pregnant. Because that has absolutely nothing to do with breast cancer.
But, and here's my big issue with this - how do you think it feels to those of us who live with infertility every day to see all of these "pregnancy" announcements?! Seeing real ones can, for some of us, be enough of a kick in the gut. Not that we're (or at least I'm) not happy for you when you really are pregnant. But it takes a minute to get there. And seeing all of these (at least before you know about the stupid game) sucks. Big time. Now, fortunately the first couple of these I saw said that they were like 2 or 3 weeks pregnant, so I assumed they weren't real, but it still was a kick in the gut for a minute.
It took me reading THIS and THIS blog posts before I realized exactly why those status updates had me so upset. So, because these two women are much more eloquent than I am, I will refer you over to them.
Today's lesson - it all comes back to thinking before you say/write something. Take others into consideration. What seems like a fun little game, can sometimes be hurtful to others.
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4 comments:
I did the post you mention, and I can not have kids, either. (I believed one that a friend had posted, and she clued me in, so I did it too.)
I started out really ok with it. By the end of it, after enough people posted, I got annoyed. A close family member even said, "Well, I know she can't be preggers, so I'll find out what it is." ("Preggers" is a word that now pisses me off.)
I try hard not to want the world to revolve around my feelings about being unable to have a baby, and I know rationally that people aren't trying to hurt me. That's my logical side, and sometimes it even prevails.
I certainly did mean to hurt you with that. I almost never do those things, and can't figure out why I did this.
I'm sorry. :(
This breast cancer awareness "game" really got under my skin! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person!
Oh man thus pissed me off to. It was enough to have me ignoring fb for a few days. People really don't understand.... ugh....
BTW Bug said to tell baby E that she decided to be a LITTLE nicer last night to me ;)
I agree. I don't really understand the "game" this year - the bra color one kind of made sense... but then about purses... blah whatever. I have a friend who made a similar comment that this raises no awareness and provides no education on breast cancer and is particularly offensive to those who cannot get pregnant or who have suffered a loss of pregnancy.
Hopefully people will start trying to be more considerate, and instead of playing "games," will try to disseminate some knowledge and drum up support.
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