Monday, September 5, 2011

Late Emails Suck

And the Kindergarten drama continues. Friday, the teacher sent home a (IMO poorly worded) letter stating that she would be contacting some parents this weekend via phone to discuss their children's "continued problems" making good choices in the classroom. So, we were just waiting for our phone call to come. But it didn't. And we were shocked, and more than a little relieved. But then - just now @ 9:30pm on Monday - we've gotten an email. The kid - of course - is one of the children who is having "continued problems". Apparently the teacher just realized she'd left her phone# list at school. So she's emailing instead. A form letter that really provides no additional information that would be helpful for us at all (i.e. what kinds of behaviors he's exhibiting).

So, here's the thing. I'm not surprised that he's having a hard time, but I'm seriously disappointed. And - total honesty - I'm embarrassed.

I know my child. I expected him to have difficulty adjusting to public school. I mean, really, the poor kid (and only according to him, because we've gotten nothing from the teacher at all) has gotten on "red" (the "bad" end of the behavior chart that all the kids use in the classroom) for a couple of times for talking in the hallway. Now, I get why they need kids to be quiet and in control while in the hallways. But, getting "red" for that, I think, is flat out stupid. And he's not used to having to be quiet; it's never really been a behavioral expectation. And, hell, he's never quiet - even when he's sleeping (he talks frequently and occasionally sings in his sleep). But I get that he needs to learn to be that way sometimes. Heaven knows I'd like a little quiet around here on occasion...

But, I'm frustrated with what I feel are inappropriate expectations of the children (something I've been concerned about since before he started). And I'm frustrated that we've had no communication from the teacher prior to now. And yes, I've attempted contact her, but have gotten no response. And honestly I'm frustrated that my kid can't just do what expected of him (and, yes, I realize that's contradictory considering I think the expectations are inappropriate). And I'm frustrated that I can't figure out what I, as his parent, needs to do to help him acclimate (though I also realize that he is responsible for his own behavior and I can only do what I can do). And, mostly, just UGH.

I can't even express how much I miss his Montessori school. I miss the appropriate expectations of the children. I miss the respect that everyone - children and parents alike - is afforded. I miss knowing what the hell is going on with my child. I miss the child who talked about how much he loved his school. I miss the child who wanted to go to school. I miss the child who smiled when talking about school. I miss feeling good when I drop him off. I miss knowing his needs - emotional as well as academic - are being met. I miss it.

Today's lesson - There are times when being a grown-up sucks. There are times when all you want to do is whine, and throw a big ugly tantrum and tell people they're not being fair. And these are the times when you have to put on your big girl panties, don your big girl attitude, and come up with the words that are not only true, but are ones that others can hear.


Victoria said...

Becky, I just read your blog. And I really think that schools expect alot of children. C' mon talking in the hallway!?!? I can not imagine being an adult an being expected to walk in single file and be quiet. It almost goes against everything we teach our kuds at home.. You shouls also be able to expect a phone call ir face to face conversation with the teacher.. An email is hardly a way to effective way
communicate. He is just a little guy.. You are a GREAT mom ..I will be thinking of you.. and the " kid."

Peg said...

I am sooo sorry. I feel really bad for both of you. What's silly is that his "red" is for such a minor infraction. It's always hard to balance that line between being an advocate for your kids and accepting when they are in the wrong and need to improve their behavior. One of our more horrifying weeks of school was when Aidan was in first grade...we got a phone call from his teacher that 1) he went to the bathroom in the bushes on the playground (he didn't want to lose recess time by going inside) and 2) he kept licking other kids during circle time pretending he was a reptile. So in one phone conversation I had to deal with our son "exposing" himself on the playground and licking other kids...not a good moment :)

Hang in there! He'll figure it out. :)

Emms said...

It really amazes me that she thought an email with no real information would suffice. On top of the unreal expectations. At times they have to let a kid be a kid and pick their battles... Making them the battles worthy of being picked.

Ugh, I feel for you.