Yesterday's events

Yesterday afternoon the social workers called after an extensive visit with R. They had taken another birth mother with them, and she and R had spent a lot of time talking just the two of them. They said they felt like it had helped her see reality a little bit better, and get past the emotional rollercoaster she's on.

Right after they called us, she texted. I didn't know what to do. She simply asked how baby E was. I still feel like she deserves, she has the right, to know how he is, that he's okay, that he's healthy, that he's loved. So I told her those things. Then she asked for a picture. Again, we were hesitant. Should we? Does it make it any easier for her? So I went back to Social Work 101 - the client (obviously she's not my client, but you get my drift) gets to decide what s/he needs and can handle. So I quickly snapped a pic of baby E, who happened to be sleeping peacefully snuggled on hubby's shoulder. She responded that he looked peaceful. I told her I thought he was. She said she was on an emotional rollercoaster. I empathized and said I couldn't imagine how she was feeling. Though, in truth, I now understand how it feels to think you're going to lose your child. I do realize it's not exactly the same as what she's feeling. But it is debilitating.

Shortly thereafter our social workers called back and hubby told them that we'd been texting her and he really felt like she could use someone to talk to. We could call her, but it didn't seem like that was in anyone's best interest. The social worker agreed to go back over to R's house. They called back several hours later and were positive. She was tearful, they said, upon their arrival, but by the end of their visit (the 2nd that day), she was back to feeling fairly confident about the adoption plan. Apparently the texts and pictures had helped.

I'm not ready to say this things in the bag, so to say, but I at least don't feel immobilized by fear. Whenever I pray, I keep hearing in my ears, in my head, in my heart, "just love him for as long as you have him". And that I can do. I don't know what else I can do, but love him I will. With the kid, as I've said before, I knew from the very beginning that he was our son. With baby E I don't have that certainty. I don't think I'll truly feel at peace until the termination of parental rights papers have been signed by R, D (birth dad), and the judge. And, no, I don't know when that will be. With the kid it was when he was about 5wks old. My understanding, though, is that that was rather late. Next time I talk with the social worker, getting that question answered is a top priority. And, through this all, we will continue love baby E.

Today's lesson - all of the prayers all of you have been offering are making a difference. Please, please continue.