Thursday, July 29, 2010

What not to say re: adoption Part 2

I thought of a couple more ridiculous things people have said to us...

1. "Oh, IS he adopted?". This has 2 parts... First, actually, he IS my son. He WAS adopted. Again, it's semantics and people don't mean to be insensitive, but being adopted was how he came into our family, like being born is how many other children come into their families. Being born, being adopted, they're events that happened; they're not a perpetual state of being. Second, why do you need/want to know? If it's because you're interested in adoption, then I am happy to have a bigger conversation with you about that topic. However, if you don't have a real reason, please see my rant about how somethings are actually not your business.

2. "Does he know he's not really yours?". I generally respond, "I don't know what you mean". They'll usually say something to the effect (and in a hushed tone), "you know because he's black". The best response I've used for this one is, "aren't we all?". They don't know what the heck I'm talking about and just sit there confused. I don't know what it really means either, but it sure is effective in getting them to change the topic. However, this still falls into the category of not your business. How would you feel if I walked up to you IN FRONT OF YOUR KID and said, "oh, does he know he isn't yours?". I'm sure you're thinking, "well, that's different". Actually, it's not. My kid is as much mine as yours are yours (though, seeing kids as "possessions" is a whole different conversation/rant for another day).

That's all I can think of for now, though I'm sure there have been many more. I do want to share something I read on another blog last night (wish I could remember which one...). It's also today's lesson. This blogger was talking about how difficult her wait for her child was. She said a friend had told her that there are many threads of our lives all around us. All we see of the tapestry, however, is the underside, where the cut threads and knots are, and it looks kind of like a mess. The hope is that one day we will be able to see the top side of it, and know just how perfectly our lives are woven. The crazy colors, the broken threads, the haphazard placement of threads, they are what makes the tapestry beautiful. It was a good reminder for me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

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