Friday, December 14, 2012

(Not at all) Fun Family Outing

There's this lights display around here, where you drive through this big park, and they have lights up all over the place. There are hundreds of cars, cruising along in line, going about 5mph, just enjoying the lights. Lots of people love it. As in, their Christmas simply isn't complete without their family trek to see the lights. It sounds quite lovely.

So, the year before last, we loaded up the SUV with me, hubby, the kid, baby E (who was about 3mon old at the time) and my mom. It was nearing bedtime, but we assumed the kid would be so enthralled, that he'd be content. Or fall asleep. One of the two. And that baby E, whom I'd nursed right before we left the house, would sleep. In hindsight (which is, of course, always 20/20), this was stupid because the kid needs to go to bed on time, or he gets all crazy, ramped up. And baby E, at the time, hated the car. But, what can I say, we were super sleep-deprived. And just plain hopeful.

So, we're driving along, everyone is fine. I'm not particularly impressed with the lights, but they're fine. Then, out of the blue, hubby slams on the breaks, throws out a quick, "I'm going to vomit" and jumps out of the car, running away. I'm all, "WTF just happened???!!!!". But, as we'd been told "Do.Not.Stop.The.Car.Under.Any.Circumstances!" when we entered the park, I jump out, run around to the driver's seat, and start driving. Wondering, of course, where the hell my husband had just gone.

Baby E, who realized at that moment that the vehicle had stopped, was reminded that he did, in fact, detest the car. So he started screaming. And the kid realized that he was both tired and also unimpressed with the lights. So he started whining.

And all I could do was drive.

Eventually I found a little parking lot to pull into. Even though we were not supposed to stop. At.All.

The kid was then saying he had to pee. And baby E was full out screeching. So, my mom took the kid to pee. The parking lot was conveniently in front of a bathroom. Yay! It was locked. Serious boo.  So they found a tree. Awkward.

I got E out and tried to nurse him in the front seat. But he was way too beyond pissed off to nurse at that point. So I called hubby, you know, to figure out where the hell he'd ended up in the 1200+acre park. He said he'd vomited a couple of times and was feeling much better. So he was walking along the road, headed our direction. People were giving him odd looks. I assured him they were just worried he was going to try to carjack him or something. You know, 'cause he looks so threatening. And that, fortheloveofallthingsholy he needed to get his ass to the car before momma losthershitforreal.

I finally got baby E latched about the time the kid came back from peeing on a a tree. We had to wait several more minutes for hubby to catch up to us.

And then I was faced with a quandary. I always have my kids in their carseats when the car is moving at all. But I could not stomach the thought of baby E screaming anymore. So, did I continue to nurse him while we're driving, or put him back in the carseat and listen to him. My ears - and sanity - won.

So, we're driving down the road, I'm nursing E in the front seat, the kid's bopping all around the back seat, because clearly he wasn't having any part of putting his seatbelt back on if E wasn't in the carseat. Hubby's face was still green and he kinda smelled like puke. My eyelid was twiching and I had a massive headache. Through gritted teeth,I said to him, "There is no way in hell we're ever going back there." Hubby: "No, absolutely no way in hell."

Guess where we're going this weekend? Sweetbabyjesus, pray for us.

Today's Lesson: Never say never.


Kristin said...

That does not sound like fun at all! But, it did make me laugh!

callmemama said...

Oh my gosh, that was a hilarious story! For those of us that didn't have to live through it anyway :). We're headed to one of those drive-through light displays in the park this weekend, too!

Venessa said...

Praying all goes smoothly!!!!