Baby E is in a bit of Poppa stage. As in, instead of always wanting his momma, it's Poppa he wants. This has never happened before with my little one. I guess I had kind of forgotten that it could (would). And - confession time - my feelings are a little (um, a lot) hurt. I mean, yes, it's lovely and all that he loves his Poppa and they have such a strong bond. Of course I want that. But, really, I kind of preferred it when he just wanted me.
Especially at bedtime. Because he's really cuddly and still that time of day. The rest of the day he's so busy and squirmy. He'll sit with you for a minute, but he's wiggling all over the place, or giving a quick kiss then off climbing onto or into something again.
But bedtime, he is so sweet. He snuggles in to nurse. And puts his little free arm up over my shoulder and pats my back while he nurses. Sometimes he pops off and goes through the whole list of all his body parts, alternating between pointing to mine and his own. Sometimes he just grins up at me while he's nursing. Or jumps from my lap when he's done to go get a "boop" (aka book). He then races me back to the rocking chair where we settle in for the book and a couple of songs.
The last couple of nights (the ones when I've been home for bedtime, thank you new job schedule), baby E has kind of clung to hubby instead of catapulting himself from hubby's arms into mine. He'll finally settle in to nurse, but only for a few minutes. Then he's up looking around, asking, "Poppa?". And heaven forbid he actually sees or hears his Poppa, because then the fussing and even crying start. He doesn't want me. He wants to lay with his head on hubby shoulder, instead of being cradled in my arms. And it makes me sad.
Of course the kid has gone through these phases, but this is the first one for baby E. I suppose I'd kind of thought that maybe as long as we were nursing it just wouldn't happen. Which made me happy. And - honestly - feel a bit superior to hubby. Now I feel like when hubby gave him that first bottle, like the little bugger has betrayed me!
I know it's irrational. And that he'll come back around to mostly wanting me. But, in the meantime, I really can't help but to have a few hurt feelings.
Today's lesson: Children and parenting in general are really good at reminding you that, truthfully, you are not the center of the world. They have their own little - or big as the case may be - personalities and preferences. And sometimes the best thing you can do, is to get your own needs (and ego) out of the way and do what your kid needs. Even if that means handing him off to his Poppa, while you go and have a bit of a cry.