Sunday, March 25, 2012

Guest Post: Family

Today you get a bonus 2nd post. Now, this is nearly unheard of here, but I couldn't not do it. You see, I have a most amazing friend. She is loving, devoted, hilarious, persistent, smart, beautiful, compassionate. And, to top it off, she has this ability to chose really good friends. Who are also funny. Ha!

One thing many people around her don't know, is that she is a birth mother. She made a choice many years ago to find a family for her daughter because she wasn't in the position to give that sweet baby girl the life she wanted her to have. Today is that baby girl's birthday. She's no longer a baby, but she is still my friend's daughter. And my friend thinks of her every. single. day. She loves her. And these are some words my friend wanted to share on this day, the anniversary of the day her daughter was born, when she became a mother, and a birth mother.

Family: what makes up a family? A mom, dad and child.  Sometimes there are more people involved like other siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousin, pets, etc. Sometimes it is any uncountable combination of any of the above and then some that make up a family.  Some families come to be the traditional way and some not so much.  There are many circumstances that create a family and one of them is adoption.  That’s what I want to talk about today.  Especially today.

Even today, adoption can be a dirty word.  Something that people just don’t like to talk about.  There is still a stigma attached to the word adoption about the birth mother; she is selfish or she was promiscuous.  There are many more, but it makes me too sad to think about.  The one statement above that really gets under my skin is that she was selfish.  I am sure there are some mothers that give up their child for very selfish reasons.  But I choose to believe that there are many, many more that give their child up for the right reasons that are filled with so much love and wanting so much more for your child than you can possibly give.  This decision does not come easily and comes with agonizing thoughts of what if, but mostly, is overwhelmingly full of love.    

My best friends in the world have the most beautiful family with two of the most adorable little boys that are the lights of their lives.  They both are adopted.  Now that I stop for a minute and think about it, I have just as many friends that have wonderful and loving families the nontraditional way (adoption) as I do the “traditional way”.  This does not make them different, or special, it just makes them a family.  And, really, that is all that matters in life. 

I just ask, today especially, that the next time you hear that someone is adopted or that someone has made a sacrifice so great that that you simply could not imagine, don’t judge.   Those birth moms out there, no matter how they came to their decision, they never forget and never stop loving.  Any way you come about making your family, I am sure it’s about love. 
Today's Lesson: I think my friend has this one covered. Love you, sweet friend.


Patience said...

Thank you for sharing this post. It touched my heart. We are still in the waiting phase, but I find myself reminding others about nontraditional families. As we've shared with our close friends about situations, I have been surprised about perceptions they have. Thank you for the reminder today.

Shanie said...

Beautiful post! We adopted our daughter and it being an open adoption i know her birth family loves her very much. I always tell her she is so lucky because she has SO many people to love her :)

Grandma Eileen said...

Thank you Becky for giving Keri a platform from which to speak from her heart. Keri makes me very proud to be her mother, and is a much stonger woman than I'll ever be. I have been thinking of Keri all day today, as this is a day I'll never forget, as long as I live. Family is the most important, and should be all inclusive, meaning close friends, their children and yes, even beloved pets. But, non are more special than sweet "angels", which are gifts from heaven we share with women who will never have the opportunity to give birth themselves. Keri is a very special person, who gave this gift with the utmost love, in a most unselfish way. We remember this day with joy, but also sadness, a double edged sword you see...and Mothers day we spend together, waiting with faith, hope and love, the greatest of these is love.

Emms said...

This is an amazing post. What an amazing woman, mother, that she sounds to be. I can only imagine the heartache that it takes to take that immense love you have for your child and use it to place him or her with a family that can give the child things that you cannot at that time in your life. I think it's the biggest show of unconditional love that there is. Hugs to her.

InfertileFirstMom said...

Hello. I'm here from ICLW, but I'm glad I came across your blog today so that I could read this great post. As a birthmom to a beautiful, happy 13 y/o and a former social worker who guided many young women through options counseling (around unplanned pregnancies) and often through their own adoption journeys... I can say without a doubt and from lots of experience that most women who choose to make an adoption plan for their babies do so out of love (for their babies) and not for any other reason! It is an extremely difficult and selfless decision that is born of a very special kind of love and maturity. To make and follow through with a plan to give the gift of life through adoption is the most difficult and bittersweet choice a woman can make!
Societal misconceptions about adoption and birth parents are unfounded and hurtful.
Thanks for giving your friend the platform for remembering her daughter on her birthday, and honoring birth parents everywhere with her heartfelt words.

Kristin said...

Such a beautiful post. I have never understood how anyone could think of birth parents as selfish. They are actually doing they most unselfish thing they could ever possibly do by putting their child before themself. Thank you for sharing!

Lynn said...

What a beautiful sentiment! I know that most birth mothers out there really have a huge amount of their birth children. Why else would they decide to give their children the opportunity to have the things they can't give them? Adoption really is a beautiful thing!