I'm popular, don'tcha know?

Something bizarre happened Friday into Saturday. I got literally 10-15x the usual number of hits on my blog. And they were originating from Goo.gle News. And they were pretty much all focused on my latest post about giving baby E melatonin. It's now become my 2nd most read blog post.

I clicked on the link that my stats thing said the visitors were all coming from, but it just took me to the main news page. Of course I didn't see anything referring to my blog on there. But also - total bonus - comments offering free po.rn have increased big time. I mean, what a great day, right?

I figure it was some spamming kind of thing, totally screwing up my stats. But, free po.rn? Wow. Makes it totally worth it.

So, yeah. That's all I have for today. That, and the assurance that I don't actually look at po.rn, mom. Free or otherwise. A bonus for you - an especially helpful lesson! Or at least an amusing one.

Today's lesson: Apparently washable red markers are not quite so washable once they have passed through a toddler's digestive tract. Apparently washable red markers do magical things to poop. Apparently washable red markers via toddler poop have the ability to turn cloth diaper insides pink. Shockingly bright pink. Apparently washable red markers + toddler poop = pink diapers that refuse to turn white again. Now there's an interesting news item for ya. Suck it Goo.gle News.

Thankfulness

Sometimes it's hard to remember to be thankful. Some years are harder than others. This one has been challenging in many ways. It has at times been hard to remember to be thankful. I have been reminded that I have much to be thankful for. So I decided to share a list of some of the things, because it's a good reminder for me. Here it is, in no particular order:

• the kid's very FIRST loose tooth!!!! Oh, my boy is getting so grown up (also, who knows how much the tooth fairy is doling out these days??)
• Starbucks. I've only really begun to appreciate it in the last year. It's now a dear friend.
• My lovely fleece blanket that I snuggle with nightly. I adore it's cuddliness.
• My sweet boys. They are dear and hilarious and I am incapable of describing how thankful I am for them.
• My momma. Our loss of MIL has made me cherish her even more.
• Books. Yeah, like all of them. I just love to read.
• The more than 12 donors who have fed baby E in the way I only dreamed of doing. You women are my hero's.
• Lady Gaga. Yeah, I kinda love her music. And so do my boys. I love how they groove and sing along whenever she comes on.
• My dear hubby who cleans and cooks and loves me in spite of and because of all my flaws, and even though I've gotten fat and haven't even shaved my legs in more than a month. (And, wow, did I just admit that to the entire world...?).
• The kid's reading teacher who IS nurturing and motivates him to want to read and write.
• The gymnastics classes we've found for the kid. To see him grin from ear to ear for a solid hour every week, to watch him excel and learn, it is just a gift.
• My co-workers, past and present. I have been blessed with wonderful co-workers who have accepted me and made me feel welcome. I so appreciate them!
• Our fabulous sitter. Without her, I don't know how I would go to work every day. Because I of her, I can support other people's children, without worrying about my own. I know baby E is loved when he is with her.
• My dear friends who truly know me, feed my soul, brain, and indulge my need to see Breaking Dawn more than once.
• Domperidone, the medicine that made it possible for me to provide baby E with at least some milk from my own body.
• My clients who invite me into their lives and teach me so much about myself, both professionally and personally.
• Cloth diapers - they keep my baby's sweet little bum healthy, and are great for the environment to boot. Um, and they're adorable too, way cuter than disposables.
• As always, I am beyond thankful for the people who made me a mother - L and D, and R and D. This year, I am so very thankful that L and D found their way back into our lives as it is such a gift for the kid! They have arrived at just the perfect time, when the kid seems to need them.

Today's lesson - giving ourselves over to thankfulness, if even for a moment, is a gift we give to ourselves. What a wonderful way to start the Christmas season.

33 Things

So, in honor of my 33rd birthday (which is today, btw), I decided to come up with a list of the things I'm grateful for, and since I am 33 today and all, that seemed like a good number. So, here goes (in completely random order)...

1. My momma, because let's face it, I just wouldn't be here (or who I am) without her.
2. The sun (thank you for the breaks in the rain - finally!!)
3. My kiddo. And really, I could come up with a list at least 33 things I'm specifically grateful for about him. I'll probably include a few below, just because.
4. Baby E - his cuteness, his intensity, how happy he is, the little fat rolls he's started getting, so, so many things
5. But a big one is - Baby E sleeping better the last 2 nights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. The kid's humor, his compassion, his empathy.
7. Hubby - he takes care of me, makes me popcorn with minimal whining on my part, out up a clothesline in the backyard for me, and puts up with me in general. He's kinda awesome.
8. My Highlander. Really, my vehicle has been fantastic - not a problem out of it in 8 years.
9. Chocolate. 'Nuf said.
10. Flip flops. Love them.
11. Camping - we're going on our first trip of the season this weekend. It'll be the first one ever with baby E. Hopefully I'll still be grateful for camping once we get back... However, I so appreciate the time we get to spend together as a family.
12. Twilight, all 4 of 'em (Don't judge!)
13. HM4HB and all the mommas who help to feed baby E.
14. Ms. M, our AMAZING sitter, and my sweet friend.
15. Pedicures. Bliss.
16. My Moby - I wouldn't have made it through the 1st several months with Baby E without it.
17. Scrapbooks and scrapbooking, and the occasional time to pursue them
18. My friend JE, particularly the decadent cake she made for me this past weekend (head on over to her blog to see the cake - it was yummy!)
19. L and D, the kid's birth parents, and R and D, baby E's birthparents and A, R's mother/baby E's birth grandmother.
20. Our backyard garden
21. Wednesday, June 1st, 11am! And all the people who are coming to share it with us.
22. The kid knowing that he shouldn't have red dye and (almost) always avoiding it
23. Having this blog as an outlet
24. The patience I seem to be slowly growing.
25. Laurie Berkner. Her music gives me some "quiet" in the mornings (from the 2 little chatterboxes in the backseat). If you have kids, and want some music that won't make you want to tear your hair out, check her out. We have several CD's and I really like them all (so do the boys, of course).
26. Peonies - my current fav flower
27. Ice Cream
28. Cloth diapers - I feel like a crunchy momma using them and they have been such a good financial decision for us. Also, they're so easy and I love the way they look hanging on my clothesline in the backyard :)
29. Open adoption
30. Starbucks. Yes, I'm now addicted.
31. The Farmers' Market
32. The SNS. Though I really wish I didn't need it, I am grateful it exists as it has allowed me to nurse my babies.
33. Being a Momma. And, most days, a pretty good one.

Today's lesson - I am loved. Birthdays are a good reminder of that for all of us.

Cloth Diapers

It's been awhile since I've mentioned our cloth diapering journey. So that's where we're headed today. I don't think I've ever explained how we decided to use cloth. We used disposables with the kid and never really had any problems. I hated the waste we were causing, though, knowing that those diapers were going to be around for the next thousand years. But I didn't know that there were any other options.

Enter A. A, you may remember, was also the reason I knew breastfeeding children who were adopted was possible. She also opened my eyes to cloth diapering. Before her and her husband, my only frame of reference of cloth diapering was my aunt, who cloth diapered all 3 of her kiddos. And I thought it was cool - those diaper pins were flipping scary, but it was cool. Especially since she had a diaper service, you know, to deal with the nasty things.

When A told me of their intent to cloth diaper, I quickly asked about a local diaper service. Imagine my shock that there was no service, so they would be laundering the diapers themselves. It suddenly seemed much less attractive. But I started researching. I found several great blogs and websites that convinced me that cloth was the way to go for us. Here were the reasons we came over to the cloth-side:

• Environment: the short of it? No nasty, plastic diapers filling up the landfill = awesomeness.
• Money: We've spent about $600 on the cloth diapers (and covers, cloth wipes, snappis, etc...) and though we will likely need to buy a few additional covers as he gets bigger, we're otherwise done with the financial commitment. If you figure you'll spend around $70/month on disposables, I figure about 2 months from now we start saving money.
• Cuteness: You must look at the diaper covers, most are simply adorable, though, of course, there are many more cute girls' than boys' diapers. I can't wait til it's good and warm outside and we can let baby E crawl around in just a cute diaper and adorable Baby Legs!
• Health: there are some nasty chemicals in disposables and they've been linked to fertility problems, headaches, diaper rashes, allergic reactions, liver and kidney problems (Here is a good short explanation/description).
• HERE is a link with some additional info about the benefits of cloth

And, as for the laundering, it's no big deal whatsoever. It ends up being 1 extra load of laundry every 2-3 days. Thus far the diapers - poop and all - just go straight into the washer. We throw in just a tiny bit of detergent, turn the washer on hot/heavy duty, and out come clean diapers. Easy peasy.

If you're interested, here are some of my favorite cloth diaper sites:

29 Diapers - a great blog. She talks about differences between diapers, related products, etc... I also really like her explanations of how to most effectively launder cloth diapers.

Mother Nurture - the most awesome natural parenting store around! The owner, Cerise, is knowledgeable. enthusiastic, and very patient with never-ending questions (which I *may* know from personal experience).

Bummis - great informational blog, one of my favorite diaper covers.

Green Mountain Diapers - the purported best prefold diaper around. It's what we use and I'm a fan!

Cotton Babies - We've bought stuff from here; it's about the most affordable place I've found. Good customer service, and they have an informative blog too.

There is a huge variety of kinds of diapers and I won't go into that today because this post is already more than long enough. Also, you can get a good idea on the above sites. However, in case you're interested, we primarily use prefolds and either Bummis or Thirsties covers.

Today's lesson - A prefold diaper+a contoured diaper+a snappi does not a leak-proof diaper make. But, when your baby has a blowout on the road, and all your diaper covers are already poop-covered, it's better than nothing. Even if he doesn't look at all convinced about it...

General-ish updates

I don't have anything in particular to talk about today, just some random updates, none of which is enough to write a whole post about it. So, you're going to get variety - you lucky reader, you.

Adoption finalization - yesterday I contacted the attorney who completed the kid's adoption for us. He has to contact the agency, to get the paperwork and get this thing rolling. So, hopefully we'll get somewhere with it this week. You may find it strange, but this isn't something I'm completely crazy to get done like immediately. I mean, sure, we want his adoption finalized, but it's just not an overwhelmingly-we-must-get-this-done-ASAP kind of need. I think, since the birth parents' rights have been terminated, we're both feeling a little more comfortable with it all. We know he's ours and it will all be okay. Nonetheless, it will be nice to have it all "official".

Birth parents - R has moved out of state. We're sad about this, mostly because we're afraid we're going to lose contact with her. We're still texting back and forth, but not nearly as much as before she moved. I'm happy for her because I know she has more support and is "home", but it's still a little sad for us. Total honesty?? In some ways, it's easier now that she's out of state. Though it got easier seeing her with baby E after the TPR, the sitting and staring longingly in his eyes was still a little hard to take. It still felt like she might take off with him. Now, I know in my head she wouldn't (no chance), but my momma heart was struggling a little. Such a complicated relationship!

New job - I have officially tendered my resignation at the current job with my last day being 1/21. However, I still don't have an official start date at the new one. Yeah. I just need to be done with this one. And I'm really looking forward to a couple weeks home again with baby E :) Also, my college friend who did our family pics a couple of months ago is going to do some more pics of just baby E, though maybe a few of the boys together. We're going to do some "Anne Geddes" kind of pics, so if anyone has any ideas of adorable poses, let me know!

Breastfeeding - we are still going strong! I have yet to (myself) give baby E a bottle and I'm quite proud of that. With the kid, particularly at night, I often would because, frankly, it's easier. I've been tempted a few times with baby E, but I'm so glad I haven't. Over our Christmas break, baby E had no bottles and he mostly only gets them at all when he's at the sitter's house. We were super excited that we were given about 300oz of donated breastmilk (from a very trusted source). It was such a blessing to be able to give baby E just breastmilk for a couple of weeks. He's back on the formula now and is a bit miserable and it is, I think, contributing to him not sleeping well (see below). So, if you, or anyone you know, has some milk stored up that you'd like to donate to a good cause (baby E!), please, please, please let me know!

Sleeping - Ah, sleep. How fondly I remember it. I'm excited to get a 5hr chunk of sleep every couple of days. He actually slept through the night when we were out of town for 3 nights, but has been a mess since we got home. And not that I slept through the night, because we were all 4 in 1 room and the kid kept talking in his sleep. That was actually pretty funny, though. He kept saying things like "No, I can not play with you right now. It is time to eat, eat, eat. So back off already". So even though I wasn't sleeping, at least I was laughing. Overall, baby E keeps waking up wanting his paci back (see below for that). For instance, last night/this morning I was awakened at 11:45, 2, 3:30, 4:15, and finally 5:30 (for the day). I'm tired. But, really, I think I'm handling it okay. I've gained a ton of weight, I think because I'm so tired, but otherwise, I'm fine.

Pacifier - yes, we gave in and baby E is now a paci baby. He loves that thing. Like loves it so much I think he may be addicted. He won't sleep without it at night. He also won't really take my finger anymore, unless he's really desperate. I feel a little sad about that :(

Cloth diapering - Can I just say how much we love cloth diapers??! Hubby wasn't so sure about this whole thing from the start, but I do believe he is a true convert now. We bought a pack of disposables (our first since baby E was about a week old) to take on our trip over the holidays. I kind of thought once we got home that hubby would use all of them up before going back to the cloth, but nope! He resumed the cloth and hasn't looked back. I love that man :)

The kid - He is doing so well! We got over the whole potty accident thing (thank goodness!!!!) and he seems to be back to his happy, talkative, super active self. Just like I like him :) I think he's getting to the point where he'll soon give up his nap (what, your kid wasn't still napping at almost 5??! Don't be jealous!). I am super bummed about this, but I suppose it was inevitable - boo. He's such a dear, funny little guy. I realized the other night that I haven't done a "funny things my kid said" post lately, so that'll be soon.

Yeah, I think that's about it for us right now. Super exciting - right?? Right.

Today's lesson - Sometimes I am right, like about the paci. I do wish we hadn't given it to him. I feel like he was sleeping better before he had it. Oh well. Decision made. No turning back. It is not worth it to play the "coulda, shoulda, woulda" game. But at least I was right...

Conflicted

I'm so conflicted. Part of me is terrified that R will take "my" baby. I bristle whenever she sends a text asking "how's my lil guy?". I think "he's OUR lil guy, not yours!!". I'm afraid to tell her because she could still take him back, if that's what she decided she wants to do. (Note: I don't *think* she will, but, until that paperwork says she has no right to him, I will not feel safe.) And, after all, he is still her "lil guy". Heck, she will always be baby E's first mother. And I want her to love him, even if it scares the crap out of me.

The other part of me feels so much empathy for R. The struggle, the pain, the grief. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My heart hurts for her, for the loss she's experiencing. I look at baby E, thinking of losing him, and experience a fraction of the pain she's feeling. Then she sends another text referring to him as "ours" (as in all of ours) and tells me how hard it is not knowing everything that's happening to him all day. Should I inundate her with details about his life? Would that help her at all? Should I give her the bare minimum? I just don't know. I can't imagine not knowing every detail of his life right now. But, if she had taken him back, I don't know that knowing all those details would help me.

All of this, I think is part of navigating open adoption. There are no hard and fast rules, no absolutes, no automatic right answers. There is only trying to do what we think is best for everyone involved. There is only trying to do what is truly in E's best interest. And, what's just hit me, is best for E, is for us to have the best relationship possible with R. So, I'll go back again to SW101 - R gets to decide what she needs. And I - we - will simply do the best we can with that, remembering that she will always be important to baby E, to us, and we need to trust and respect that.

Today's lesson - cloth diapering is just as easy as disposables! You totally should try it. We've only had 4 diapers leaks since he was born, and only 1 was cloth. It's been an extra load of laundry every other day, but that's totally manageable. Also, baby E's circumcision is totally healed up already and I think it has to do with the cloth diapers. We love cloth diapers!!