3 years, 1 month, and 3 weeks

Hey, so remember that? You know when I went on and on and got all weepy and snotty because E was done nursing? Oh, you probably couldn't see the weepy and snotty part. Lucky you. It wasn't pretty. At any rate. How about we say "just kidding" or "never mind" or "pretend that didn't happen". Because, well, it lasted about another day after I posted that.

He waltzed into the room at bed time and sweetly asked, "Momma, I have some mulp-mease?". And I said, "hell yeah!". And, yes, I actually said that. To my 3yo. Don't judge. And, actually, he screamed it at me and was tired and cranky. And it wasn't all that cute. But I so didn't care. Hubby was all, "are you really going to give in to him?". And I was all, "hell yeah!". Still in front of the 3yo. But he hasn't repeated that phrase yet, so I'm going with it was fine. And then I did give in to him. And I gave into me.

And I learned a few things.

First, neither E nor I are quite ready to give up nursing.

Second, I'm totally okay with that.

Third, holy moly, momma needs that daily (or at least every other day) shot of oxytocin. Seriously, y'all, it made a huge difference in my mood. When we are finally ready to wean, I'm going to be forced to find an alternate source of oxytocin. Or another baby. One of those two things.

Fourth, and last, there is nothing sweeter than your baby (even when he's three) climbing into your lap, gently patting your cheek, and settling in to nurse. It is a contentment like no other. For both of us.

My baby is 3 years, 1 month, and 3 weeks old. And he is still nursing. It may not be over just yet, but I know the time is coming soon. And I will treasure this time while I have it.


Today's Lesson: Decisions aren't permanent. Just because something is the right thing to do at a particular moment, that doesn't mean it will be the next moment. It's okay to make a different decision the next time 'round. Sometimes it's what we all need.

Hello Bites

Tonight at dinner I said something quite unexpected. I said, to baby E, "you have to eat something other than just vegetables!!!". And then I realized the oddity of what I'd just said and chuckled. My toddler was refusing to eat pasta or cheese in favor of vegetables. I smiled and let him go at it. He did eventually eat the pasta, too.

I am so grateful to have 2 kids who are awesome eaters. The kid certainly has a sweet tooth, and baby E would eat his weight in crackers some days, but, overall, they'll at least try anything. And generally will pretty much eat anything.

Though I believe that overall the boys' themselves are just built this way (to be great eaters), I do think we've had a small part in this. First, there's only one meal. It's what we're all having. So eat it or don't, but don't expect anything else. We (and by "we" I so mean hubby, because he cooks 90% of our meals) do make sure that every meal has something that everyone likes at least minimally well.

The boys are expected to take a "hello bite" of every food on their plates. If they don't like it, fine, they don't have to eat anymore. Generally, though, one bite leads to several more. Each of the boys certainly has a couple of things he isn't at all fond of. We continue to offer those foods, and they're expected to have one bite, but no more.

Now, if we were ever to stumble upon a food that made one of them vomit (i.e. me and canned beets - I feel nauseous just thinking about them), we wouldn't encourage them to continue to eat it. Also, this isn't a fight. Because it's an expectation that's been there from day one, there is no argument; they boys simply do it, sometimes with a single, gentle reminder.

We have exposed the boys to lots of different foods from an early age. I think this is a big part of why they're such adventurous eaters. Though the kid did have traditional baby food (as you know, we did Baby Led Weaning with E and he never had any store-bought or homemade baby food), we supplemented it with loads of table foods from early on. They've both had lots of tastes and textures from the beginning.

We also don't do the "clean plate club" in our house. But that's a post for another day.

I'm going to eat some pie now. Because it's yummy. And I had hello bites of everything tonight. Also, pleasebabyjesus, don't let my kids prove me wrong on all this tomorrow and refuse to eat anything but crackers and cookies for the rest of their lives.



Today's Lesson: Hello bites are a great tool to encourage all kinds of eaters to experiment with new foods. You never know what you might try and love!

Weaning

I'm probably going to cry writing this post. I'll probably cry if I ever read it later, too. I'll probably avoid it for a long time. And, in hindsight, I probably shouldn't be writing it at work. Too late.

It all started earlier this week. Hubby came upstairs and said, "I'm just giving you an emotional heads up. The milk is just about gone. There's maybe a week's worth left down in the freezer. Do you hear me? It's almost gone". I nodded or acknowledged him in some nonverbal way.

But mostly I just tried to ignore what he'd said. Because, what it means, is that as soon as that other mommas' milk is gone, baby E and I will be done nursing. And I can't deal with that just yet. But apparently I have to. Apparently it's inevitable. And soon.

Baby E won't drink cow's milk. Not in a cup. Not in the SNS (nursing). Not even if it's mixed with bm. He seems to know if there's as little as an oz mixed in with 4oz of bm. He's just not having it. And he's never been a comfort nurser. If he's going to nurse, it's to get milk. And, while I still have some of my own (I think), it's not much. And it certainly doesn't come out fast enough for his liking.

So, we're going to be done. And I'm devastated. It never dawned on me that this would be the reason we'd wean. I thought I'd be ready to stop. Or he would just decide he was done. I never though lack of milk would be the reason.

I called a few of our previous donors, though none of them have any milk right now. Of course, I did get back on HM4HB and ask for milk. But I feel horribly guilty going there (and also don't have huge hopes of it panning out). I know there are little babies who need what milk there is available. And my big, almost 19mon old boy, well, he just doesn't need it in the same way they do.

I'm sure many of you are thinking, "for the love of all things holy! You've nursed that child for more than a year and a half! Let. It. Go.". And part of my rational brain is saying that, too. But. But! I'm just so sad. Mostly because I don't think baby E is done. And he's going to be confused and sad.

And, also, I'm pissed. This is just one more reminder of infertility and of all the ways my body has/continues to fail me.

Soon I will be able to write a post about how grateful I am for the nursing time we had. How special it was for both of us. I'll know that he'll be fine. That I'll be fine. But for right now, I'm just sad and mad. And crying. At work.

Today's Lesson: Today's HAWMC prompt is to write an announcement about a miracle cure. You know what I would cure? Stupid ass infertility. I. HATE. IT!!!!!!!!! And that is neither an announcement nor a lesson. But it's the best I can do today. (Stupid ass infertility...she mutters repeatedly)

PAIL monthly topic: What Kind of Parent Am I?

What kind of a parent do I want to be? What kind of a parent am I? This is the topic for the Monthly PAIL theme post. (Side Note: The HAWMC prompt for today is to write about your writing style. So, I'm just tweaking that a little right? Exchanging "writing" for "parenting". Same diff...)

At 22, I started working for Child Protective Services. I'd babysat for years (like, since probably an age when I still needed a babysitter myself). I obviously knew a lot about parenting. Ha. I had a lot of ideas about what parents "should" do. I would never spank my children. I would always be calm with my children.  I would exclusively breastfeed my children. I would feed my children only the foods recommended by WIC, and on their schedule.

 I had a lot of ideas about how my children would act. My children would never have tantrums,especially in public. My children would sleep in their own beds, all night long.  My children would be on a schedule. My children would never watch television.

6 years later, when the kid finally came along, I learned that I really didn't know much. I breastfed, but, you know, it wasn't with much breastmilk and, really, bottles were just fine, too. I wasn't always the calm parent I'd expected myself to be. I even spanked him a couple of times (though I immediately - and still - regretted it). I lost my temper and yelled frequently.

Some things did happen as I'd planned. I was all about the schedule; feeding, sleeping - they occurred per the schedule. The kid never slept with us, he was always in his own bed. The kid didn't watch TV - as in it wasn't on at our house if he was awake - until he was 3ish (or even a little older). Also, he rarely had tantrums (and to this date, I can only think of 1 that happened in public, though heaven knows it was a doozy).

By the time baby E was born, I thought I had this parenting thing figured out. But he quickly schooled me. What I actually had figured out was the kid. Not parenting so much.

As you all know, baby E slept with us. For a long time. The TV is frequently on when he's awake Fortunately, I haven't ever spanked him. As for feeding, you'll remember our experience with Babyled Weaning, which is probably abhorred by the public health community as a whole. Babywearing is still - at 18 months - a big part of my parenting strategy. We continue to breastfeed (the horror! He has TEETH! And can ASK FOR IT!!) and use breastmilk milk from other mothers. And, really, a schedule?! Hilarious. Also, let's not even mention the whole cloth diapering thing or his mad tantrum-throwing skills.

As of right now, I think I border on being a crunchy mom ("extended" breastfeeding, milksharing, babywearing, babyled weaning, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, to name a few). But I'm willing to bet that, should I be fortunate enough to parent a 3rd child, the way I do it would change again. Because what my two boys have taught me, is that parenting is less about the parent, than it is about the child.  I can have all these plans and intentions, but that doesn't mean - at all - that they'll work for that particular child.

So, when I think about who I truly want to be as a parent, this is it. I want to be loving, trustworthy, and honest. I want to be a good example for my children of how we treat others. I want to provide a nurturing environment that will support them in becoming good, healthy and compassionate people.

That's it.

If a schedule helps them achieve that, then we'll do it. We believe babywearing and breastfeeding do, which is why that continues. We believe spanking is counter-intuitive to that goal, so we'll continue to use other forms of discipline and redirection. Cloth diapering, I believe, is actually one way we are teaching our children to be respectful (to the earth, and to future generations) as well as being healthier for them. What foods we start at what ages or what bed they sleep in, neither of those really makes a significant difference.

So, today, the parent I want to be, is the one who only focuses on the things that are really important. Consider me a work in progress.

Today's lesson: Before my kids were born, I had all these ideas about how parenting "should" be done. Parenting is individual. Individual to the parent. But especially individual to the child. Children don't come with instruction manuals because they're not cars, or TV's. They're all different, just as parents are. And any attempt of the one-size fits all mentality is just laughable, or frustrating.

To Answer Your Question...

I love you ladies (all of you, but particularly those who commented on my last post - both here and on FB). You are my people, lol! There's no education necessary for you all about the benefits of doing BLW, because you are already doing/have done it!

Lechelle asked me a question that I wanted to answer. Her question - and I paraphrase - is "do people really do things another way than BLW?!". And the short answer is absolutely yes, they do. Even more so, many professionals - pediatricians and WIC for starters - recommend it. WIC has very specific recommendations about what foods to start when (it used to be yellow veggies, followed by green ones, then fruits, etc... Now, I think, they start with meat, then go to veggies then fruits, with fewer specifiers about colors) and only covers baby food on its vouchers.

It's so interesting to me that the very families who would most benefit from the cost savings associated with feeding babies what you're eating (those who qualify for WIC) are so heavily encouraged to give them manufactured baby food which is infinitely more expensive. I get that many of those families may not have the best nutrition themselves, but, if we spent more time providing them with the information and resources needed to eat healthy themselves, then it wouldn't be an issue. Don't even get me started about how WIC is enabling, even encouraging formula feeding. That's another of my soapboxes entirely.

Confession time - I have been one of those professionals eschewing the importance of feeding babies only baby food, and in that very specific order. I bought what they were selling hook, line, and sinker. For al ong time I didn't take the time to research the reasons behind the recommendations (um, there isn't much). And I know if I (who is a bit obsessed about that kind of thing) don't ask for explanations, many people aren't going to either. While I knew I wouldn't ever be that anal about it all ever again, I didn't expect to cut out baby food completely. If I hadn't totally fallen into that BLW book, I don't know that we would have come into it on our own.

Today's lesson - it's so important to find your tribe, the group of people who truly gets you. These are the people who you don't have to explain yourself to. They're the ones who know where you're coming from. Or if they don't, they simply accept you anyway. They are a blessing. Even if you never meet some of them in the real world.

Update on Babyled Weaning

So, yeah, remember how I told you I'd let you know all about the babyled weaning? What we were giving baby E to eat, when, how he liked it, whether he choked? All that? Yeah, and I mentioned it the once (or thrice), and, I don't think, ever again. Well, I know he's 1 now and all, but I thought that I'd go ahead and give you the lowdown on how it worked for us, including whether or not it's something we'd do again. So, here ya go.

Babyled weaning is something that we totally fell into, completely by chance. I mean, I was at a local book store, waiting for a flashmob to start, when I happened to look over and see a book on it. I picked it up, as something to leaf through while waiting for the entertainment to start. And I was hooked. It sounded so interesting, and just kinda made sense to me. I was excited for baby E to finally be old enough to give it a go. Which, took a while.

When baby E was approximately 7 months old, we started offering him the foods we were eating. Asparagus, potatoes, apples, carrots, etc... At first, he really just picked it up and kind of "tested" it out, chewing and simply mouthing it. It was probably 6-8 weeks before he finally started eating some. I say it was that long because though the food was going in his mouth before that, it was then before it really started coming out, you know, in his diapers. Even then, it was probably only in the last 2 months that his bowel movements have become truly solid. Before that, they were like breastmilk-only (you know, yellow and pretty liquid-y) with a few chunks thrown in. (What? Was this more detail than you really wanted?! Sorry!)

Somewhere around the 11month mark, once E had a few teeth and seemed to know what to do with them, we added in some meat. This baby is certainly a carnivore! He'll eat anything (except sweet potatoes - HATES those!!!) but he sure loves meat. That, in hindsight, was probably about the time the diapers hit the solid and stinky mark. Yuck.

As far as choking goes, which several people had asked about and/or expressed concern, it's not been an issue. Sure, he's gagged a few times, but he's never actually choked. Now, to me, real choking involves something where I'd have to intervene, or when he experiences some kind of distress (during or after). It hasn't happened. I read where this wasn't supposed to happen, since babies have gag reflexes further forward in their mouths, but I wasn't convinced; we were waiting for the choking to happen. It simply didn't.

There are of course all kinds of great things about BLW. For instance we've allowed him to decide when and what he wants to eat. And, interestingly, he always over the course of a day, makes the choices of a balanced diet. There is no buying of baby food (or the extra expense associated with that). There is no making of baby food (and the extra time associated with that). He simply eats whatever it is we're eating.

Something I've noticed about baby E, is that he has fantastic fine motor skills (another benefit). And I think at least in part this is directly related to BLW. He gets all kinds of practice with those little fingers. This is an area the kid has always struggled with. And I wonder what a difference allowing him all this practice might have made for him. Obviously, too late to know for sure, but this one thing alone has convinced me about BLW.

Today's lesson - babyled weaning is awesome. Give it a shot. It's amazingly easy, simple. And just as messy - or possibly even less so! - than the babyfood on a spoon route. I don't know that I could have given up control in this way with my first baby, but I'm so glad I -we! - did with the 2nd.

Weaning?

I've been asked several times recently, as we approach baby E's 1st birthday, if we're going to start weaning. The short answer is no. We're not. The medium answer is, we're going to go as long "as is mutually desired" as the CDC and WHO recommend, though really because that's what I want to do.

The long answer is this: I plan to nurse for at least 6 more months, and we'll go as long after that as I/we still have milk, and baby E wants to. I think another year would be fabulous. I can't even imagine weaning my baby now. He's just as much a baby today as he will be 2 weeks from now, after his 1st birthday. It makes no sense to me to wean him, just because he's a year old. It's not like he simply is no longer a baby that day. Also, it's not like - as a pediatrician unfortunately told someone I know last year - the benefits of breastfeeding and breastmilk simply stop just because a child hits that 365 day mark in life. Such an ignorant remark to make. The immunological benefits continue. The bonding benefits continue. The health benefits to mom (hello decreased risk of breast cancer?!) continue.

Baby E loves to nurse. When I get home in the evenings, regardless of when he's last eaten, he almost always wants to nurse within my first half hour home. He follows me around the house, whining, til I figure out that's what he's asking for. He grabs my finger and walks to the kitchen with me while I fill up the SNS, and then reclaims my finger and walks with me to the couch. Whining and giggling while I get settled, ready to nurse him. So, of course we will continue.

And, you know what? I love nursing baby E. I love the closeness of it. I love the snuggling. I love the way he stops, and grins up at me with this funny, drooly smile, used only when we're nursing. I love the contended sighs he utters. The way he pats my chest and wiggles with joy when he's done. I love that sometimes he stops and growls at me and we have our own little growling conversation, just the two of us. I love this world that's just me and my baby E. So, of course we continue.

We fortunately still have milk donors who also recognize the benefits of so-called "extended breastfeeding" (which, really, I think is a silly term, but whatev') and are willing to continue to give us milk. So of course we will continue to accept this liquid gold and use it to keep our baby so very healthy.

I don't know for sure when we will stop nursing. I hope it's not for a long time. But, it will be whenever baby E is ready to stop. He has decided when he is ready to meet all of his other developmental milestones. He will decide when he is ready to meet this one as well. Until then, we continue to nurse. And I'm thrilled about it.

I know some mommas at this point are more than ready to stop. They want their bodies back, they're tired of having babies attached to them all this time. But, really, they have 9 months more than I've had of having a baby attached to me. I missed out on that initial closeness, so I'm going to take advantage of the closeness on this end of it as long as baby E wants.

Today's lesson - "extended breastfeeding" is actually the norm around the world. Stopping at a year really makes no sense, unless it is what both momma and baby want. Absolutely, there are valid reasons women have for weaning at this time, or earlier, but the errant belief that there are no longer any benefits to baby shouldn't be one of them.

First Food

So, we're not going to mention ever again the animal cracker incident. It didn't happen. Strike it from your memory. So, this is now the first you've heard about baby E starting solid foods! Isn't that exciting??!!! I thought so.

Here's a pic of the FIRST time baby E had food. If you can't see, and I can't imagine why you wouldn't be able to what with the awesome quality of this picture, it was asparagus. What? Your kid won't eat asparagus, you won't even eat asparagus?! Well, baby E loved it. He sucked and sucked on that piece of green. He sucked and gummed it so much, he even managed to get a few fibers off, not that he really noticed much. The kid, btw, also loves asparagus.

Then, baby E had some of these sweet potatoes, which he also loved! But, really, if you'd have tasted how sweet they were, you would have, too. I mean, the kid actually called them dessert, they were so sugary. and, no, I didn't, in traditional BLW style, let him just go at it on his own. We were at a restaurant, and about to take family pics. So, yes, I fed them to him with a spoon. Sue me.

Then he had a lemon and a couple of green beans at the Cracker Barrel (also a fan of these).

Since we've gotten home from vacation, he's had a couple pieces of orange (which was really funny because with the first one I just thought he'd suck on it a little, but I turned around and he had a death grip on it, looking at the kid like "dude, you even come close and I'll take you out", and when I looked back at him, the thing was gone. I mean he didn't eat the peel, but the meat of that thing was completely absent), a carrot stick (plain, even though my friend J kept trying to give him ranch dip with it - we're not quite ready for that), some avocado, some apple sticks (just sucked on them, and got really made at them for some reason), some banana, and...well, maybe that's it?

This is the apple - see how sad he looks about it?! He really wanted it though and I have no idea why he got so upset about it. It was kinda funny though.

Oh yeah, he had some pasta, too, which was this, not that you can really see the pasta in his hand all that well. He did really well with this, though.

This was post-orange. And, all that was left of the orange...

He seems to love food and really be ready for it now. He knows just what do with it and we've had no choking incidents (for those of you who said you were concerned about this with your kiddos). I was eating a cookie today and man did he get mad that I wouldn't give him a bite! He actually worked up some tears, poor little neglected creature. Maybe next week, buddy...yeah, probably not.

Today's lesson - I tend to sometimes have a hard time trusting my instincts, especially when they're questioned time after time by other (often well-intentioned people). For instance, people have been asking for MONTHS about whether baby E has had food. Now, I knew he wasn't ready, but I started to doubt that, what with so many people asking. Well, this past week or so, since we've started giving it to him has reminded me to trust those momma instincts. My baby is now ready for food. He's sitting well, his thrust reflux is gone, he can grab the food and put it in his own mouth. He is now ready. Before he wasn't. My instincts came through for me again. Thanks, momma-gut. I am reminded, once again, to listen to you.

Baby E's first food

We, or I rather, broke the seal, so to speak. Baby E has had his first food. Was it avocado, or banana, or carrot, or apple (as I'd planned)? No. Was it yogurt, or rice cereal, or potatoes (which would also be okay)? Nope. Was it well documented with the camera as I'd planned? Hardly. It was - in an epic momma fail - an animal cracker, in the car. Yes, that's right. Was it at least organic, or gluten-free, or low in sugar? Not so much. It was a run-of-the-mill animal cracker from the dollar spot at Target. The car was at least not moving. Yeah. Yay me and my good intentions.

So, here's what happened. We'd been in the car for 4.25 hours. We finally arrived at the resort. We were sitting in the car waiting for hubby to check in and baby E started screaming. I'd finally had enough of the car noise (the kid on red dye + baby E screaming = 1 momma with her head about to explode). So I tried the paci, not interested. The 3 easily accessible toys, not interested. So I grabbed the first thing I thought of...an animal cracker. Then I stuck it in his mouth. At first he continued screaming. Then this bewildered look came across this face. Then he started chomping on it in earnest and making these funny groaning/contented noises. All of that before it hit me what I'd done. I tried to take it back, but he screamed, so I promptly shoved it back in his mouth.

As soon as he was done he started screaming again, but by then hubby had returned and we were headed to park, so he promptly calmed down. He was just sick of being in the car, which I totally got, as I, too, was more than sick of the car. So much for good intentions. Next time, however, we will start with one of those above mentioned foods and let him go at it. Sitting at the table. And there will be at least one camera trained on him. It will be epic. Or at least not lame-o.

Today's lesson - extended car rides, red dye, a momma with a headache, and a screaming baby will lead you to do things you wouldn't normally do. And that's okay.

Follow up re: BLW

Based on the comments I got, I realized there are a few things I neglected to add. First, something that I was originally really concerned about when reading about BLW, was the safety factor. Choking really scares me and though I've had infant CPR and first aid numerous times, I just assume never have to put those skills to use. So, when I read in the BLW book that babies' gag reflexes are actually further forward in their mouths than adults' are, I was intrigued (and hopeful!). I started watching baby E when he puts his hands and toys in his mouth. It does seem to be accurate. I don't think, though, that we'll know for sure until we try it. Please know, one should never give a baby food and then just walk away. One of the great parts of BLW, is that babies are included in the family meal. There's no more having to feed baby before you can eat, etc... You give baby food and they do what they do with it (explore, throw, eat, etc...) while you have your meal. Thus, it is essential that a parent always be there, just in case.

Also, some people have questioned what signs we will look for to know that baby E is ready to start with solid foods. First, baby E still has that reflex that makes him push things out of his mouth with his tongue. Until babies lose this reflex, which happens naturally, they are absolutely not ready for any kind of food. This typically happens around 6 months of age (though earlier in some babies, and later in others).

Next, sitting up. Babies need to be able sit unassisted. This is a safety thing - think how much more likely you are to choke if you're eating laying down; babies are no different. In fact, because they have much less experience eating than you do, and are not nearly as good at multitasking (thus are much more distractable), they're even more likely to choke when reclined. FYI, baby E is just starting to be able to "tripod", aka sit while leaning on his hands in between his legs.

Also, another thing we look at is baby's appetite. Is baby all of the sudden waking more at night to eat? Ha! Who would know with baby E on this one?! Okay, so is baby increasing number of feedings throughout the day? We haven't yet noticed this with baby E.

Lastly, is baby 6 months old yet? Previously, we were told that somewhere between 4 and 6 months babies were ready for food. Now, however, pediatricians, nutritionists, etc... recommend waiting until at least 6 months of age. Now, this, by no means, means that 6 months is the magic age. Just because a baby reaches 6 months, it does NOT mean they need or are ready for solids. Remember, breastmilk (or formula) should be the primary source of nutrition for the first year. 6 months is just the point where you start to look for signs of readiness.

Okay, I think that covers the questions, etc... If you have any more, feel free to fire away - I'll do my best to answer, or find you one.

Today's lesson - So, you know how women often start to lose their hair a few months after they give birth? You know, because while you're pregnant your body holds on to hair and you don't lose as much. Okay, so apparently, this also happens when you take birth control pills for a long time to induce lactation. I was pretty surprised to find this out. It took me a few weeks to realize what was happening, and I wasn't sure til it stopped a week or so ago. Not that most of you will ever have any need to know this particular lesson, but just in case...

Baby Led Weaning

As promised, a less whiny, and hopefully more interesting post :) 

When the kid was barely 4 months old, I got home from work to a grinning man, who was quite proud of himself. Hubby informed me that he'd just fed the kid cereal for the first time, "and he loved it!!". Now, I was really ticked off for several reasons. First, he'd done it WITHOUT ME!!! (mostly it hurt my feelings that I'd missed such a huge milestone) Second, though, I didn't feel like the kid was anywhere near ready for this huge step. He wasn't sitting by himself (hubby had put him, reclining, in his bouncyseat to feed him). He wasn't acting any more hungry than normal. Yes, he was drooling more than he had been the month before, and he was super interested in our food, but those are just what 4 month olds do - they don't mean a baby is ready for the introduction of food. We continued to give it to him, though, because, well, I don't really remember why. But I DO remember that this was right around the time he stopped sleeping through the night. Of course, I don't know whether there's any connection there or not.

Because I worked at the health department and was used to giving parents the very strict feeding guide used by WIC, we followed that. Thus, the kid first got rice cereal, followed by green then yellow and orange veggies. Then we moved on to fruits, saving meats for last (actually because those so grossed me out and I wasn't willing to make him eat anything I wouldn't, we held off on meat til he was more than a year old and went straight to real meat).

Now, this coincided with when I started reading lots more non-health department-type stuff ('cause I read all the time.  What I found from reading those websites, blogs, books, etc... was that there was no real basis for doing this in such a regimented way - there was no benefit, and, in fact, it was likely limiting his diet. So, we started adding in all kinds of things - avocados, chickpeas, couscous, hummus, asparagus, other veggies and fruits that we couldn't find in jars, and pretty much anything we were eating. We started letting him feed himself and found that not only was he willing to try anything, as long as he could do it himself, he loved everything we gave him. To this day, the kid is an AWESOME eater. He'll try anything multiple times, even foods that he has previously not liked, he's willing to try again "because maybe I'll like it this time".

So, when I was hanging out at my favorite book store just before Christmas and saw a book titled "Baby Led Weaning", I casually picked it up, intending to leaf through it for a few minutes while the kid was running around. I was instantly intrigued by the whole concept. And now I'm convinced, and it's how we're going to proceed with baby E.

To start, here's a baby led weaning (BLW) website HERE. But, for those of you not inclined to check that out, here are the basics of BLW: starting at around 6 months, babies are developmentally capable of starting to feed themselves. Thus, with BLW, you let them. This means no baby food as we've come to think of it (pureed stuff in jars). You provide food to babies and let them go at it. No foods are off limits (other than those that are a concern because of allergies like peanuts), they're just given to babies in "finger" sized pieces. At first babies just play with food, and really eat little. This isn't concerning because babies' primary source of nutrition for the first year should come from breastmilk (or formula). It's about letting babies practice the skills of feeding themselves, and letting them be in charge of what and when and how much they eat.

This makes perfect sense to me for several reasons. First, self-feeding is a developmental milestone, just like rolling over, crawling, using a pincher grasp, etc... And in none of those developmental milestones do we, as parents, dictate when our child is ready to start doing. Sure, we give babies opportunities to practice those skills, but babies do them when they're good and ready. Why should eating solid foods be any different?

Second, the way most people start babies on solids can lead to lots of food struggles. Think about the stereotypical scenario of the parent making the spoon into a plane to get the baby to open his mouth and eat it. The parent gently (or not so gently in some cases) coaxes the baby to eat, just one more bite. The baby clamps his mouth shut, or spits the food right back out. The parent assumes the baby doesn't like that particular food and rarely offers it in the future. In reality, the baby may be trying to say several things other than that - I'm full, I am more interested in what the dog's doing than in eating, I want that spoon to chew on, I want to do it myself, etc... These kinds of scenarios can lead to picky eaters.

Third, babies and small children inherently know when they're hungry and have an innate awareness of how much they need to eat. This is one of the benefits of breastfeeding - babies are in complete control over how much they eat. BLW is an extension of that. Why should we all of the sudden assume that we, with our spoonfuls of goo, know better than they do? Overriding this hunger signal is likely related to why so many of us struggle with eating and weight (anyone else remember the clean plate club, and still feel obligated the eat everything even when full?! It starts with babies.)

Yes, BLW is messy. So it's a good thing we have a broom, and paper towels, and a vacuum, and a dog. The dog, I find, is particularly helpful with messy little eaters. Yes, I'm a little sad that we won't have all those stereotypical pictures of the airplane and the baby with goo dripping down to his chin after he's spit it out. But, we feel BLW is what is going to work best for baby E, and for our whole family.

Today's lesson - starting in another month of so, if you invite us to your house for dinner, be warned, it may be messy. But, I promise, we'll clean up after ourselves :)