I came across this quote on a blog somewhere today (oh, how I wish I could remember and give it's author due credit!!). It spoke to me in such a beautiful way. It articulated something for me in such a simple manner, something I'd been unable to say. So I thought I'd share.
The desire to be a parent "...is simply the desire to experience incredible love for another... don’t chalk that up to logic".
This perfectly explains my reason for wanting baby # 3. I know, I know. Baby E is hardly 1! And he's barely begun to sleep through the night. And where would that money come from. And. And. And. The reasons not to add another child to our family are perfectly reasonable and logical. And there are plenty of them.
But here's the thing. There are - will be - always reasons not to do it, not to add another baby to our family. Logic can be used to justify nearly anything. However, the heart, well, as the old adage says, the heart wants what it wants. And that simply isn't logical. Nor can it be made so.
And I wonder how our experience with infertility has played into this. I have always wanted to be a momma. Always. I mothered other people's children from the time I can remember. I played with my cabbage patch kids for probably much too long (long enough that I did it in secret from friends because I knew they were probably no longer playing with theirs). I was babysitting when I was barely in double digits. I pretended to nurse my dolls. All the time. I love kids. Always have.
But I wonder whether this was even further intensified by how we had to fight to get them. I wonder if part of why I want more babies is because all I've done my whole life is want them and how do you just walk away from that?! Especially when it took so long, so much effort, so many tears, so much heartbreak. And has led to so much joy...
Today's lesson - when the head (logic) and the heart (feelings) conflict, you must decide which will prevail. And it's not an easy thing to do. And that's when the gut steps in. Always listen to the gut. It seems to be the best judge.