Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Problems Only of the Fertiles

I joined a group of, well, shall we say hippie-ish parents on FB. For the most part, I find much of the content interesting and helpful. I don't know that I've ever seen any kind of posting about infertility there. In fact, many of the families seem to have several (4+ children). That certainly leads me to believe infertility isn't a huge issue for most the families. But I don't hold it against them.

However, a recent post just about made my head explode.

It read as follows (with names changed by me):

"Amy and Bob were both born on the same day, and their birthday is coming up soon. While Amy's due date WAS Bob's birthday, we never expected her to actually be born on that day. So, now DH and I have a dilemma. Do we try to conceive so our third is born on that day, too? Or do we just let it up to the universe to decide? Our reasoning for wanting to have them all born on the same day is so the third doesn't feel left out when his/her siblings are celebrating, and vice versa. Plus, it would be really cool. But, of course, we would never consent to an induction or cesarean to guarantee they all shared a birthday."

There are all kinds of responses to this post. Fortunately most of them say something along the lines of "just let it happen". But even that makes me either want to yell or laugh bitterly. I mean, really?! I've gone back to that post several times the last couple of days, trying to decide if I should respond. Well, that's not true. I know I shouldn't. So, I suppose it's more about reminding myself of that.

Because what I want to say is something along the lines of, "Just be grateful you can get pregnant. Just be grateful you have carried babies to term. Just be grateful that your children are healthy. And then just shut the hell up. Have sex whenever you want. Get pregnant, or don't. But, for the love of Pete, why don't you try just hoping that the Universe doesn't laugh at you and tell you to go screw yourselves. Because that's how some of us feel. Also, how grown up of you to not consent for an induction to guarantee they have the same birthday."


The problems of the fertiles. I wish they made me laugh. Instead they make me grind my teeth.

Today's Lesson: Sometimes we should all keep our words to ourselves. Because the words don't do anyone any good, even if they would make us feel better for a moment. The wisdom is in recognizing that before the words leave our mouths. Or fingers, as the case may be.


Motleymommy said...

I hear ya sister!

Thank goodness you have your blog to post your teeth grinding to!

Some people dont realize that their statements are stupid and by default hurtful. Deep breaths!

Lechelle said...

wow. I would suggest saying "As someone who can't conceive, this post is hilarious. Good luck, I'm sure it will work out just fine" and then maybe add a smiley face to keep it light.

I once had to deal with a friend who was so sad she was crying - because she got pregnant in July when she really wanted to conceive on their anniversary in August.

ai ai

Kristin said...

I think most people truly don't understand that IF is a real and wide spread issue. They think most people have the ability to pick when their kid will be born.

Good for you for not posting but I sure do feel your pain!

Venessa said...

Reading your post makes me want to yell at them as well. It sucks when people dont think before they speak or write or post. Good for you for not responding!!

Elizabeth said...


I have an acquaintance who has 3 boys whose birthday months are exactly 4 months apart. She wondered when she should get pregnant with her 4th...umm??? Anyway, of course now she IS pregnant and due in the same month as her oldest. And she's also not shy about letting everyone know she's DYING for a girl...bleh.

Rach V said...

Some people just don't think before they post. And as people who have trouble conceiving, we are more intune to the bigger picture. I have a FB friend who is always complaining about her baby sleeping. First she complained that she never slept, then she complained because she was sleeping all night but waking her up to early. Now she complains that she is sleeping in. I would give anything just to have a baby, whether they sleep or not! But if you've never had fertility issues, it's hard to appreciate how blessed you truly are.

Elizabeth said...

OH heavens! I don't think it would be wrong at all to comment and say that she should be grateful she has the opportunity to consider such a quandary. I think fertiles need to be reminded of what life is like for 10-15% of the population!
(Also, seriously!? I thought it was normal for it to take several months, NOT for it to happen instantaneously... sheesh.)

Emms said...

Oh good lord, you had some amazing restraint there. Wow, the things that immediately came to mind on how I could have responded to that post.... probably a good idea you didn't :-)

Em said...

All I can say is wow. I'm actually trying to figure out how to respond to an email I got from a friend a few days ago, and all I can come up with are passive aggressive responses. So this was a good post for me to read. That said, I really like Lechelle's idea.

M said...

Ugh. It's mind boggling how so many people take pregnancy for granted.