Letter 1 (which may, or may not, have been coerced)
Thank you for taking care of me while I have been sick. Thank you for fetching water - with ice!! - for me. Thank you for buying soup you think is gross just because I had it the last time I was this sick (15ish yrs ago) it made me feel better. Thank you for single-handedly parenting, one child who is getting over being sick which is manifesting with tons of attitude, and the other who is as snotty as me, and who also hasn't been sleeping. Really, I haven't heard him. Probably because of the gallons of snot in my own head. Thank you for buying me cherry 7-up because (in my head at least) it will make me feel better even though you think it's nasty. Thank you for not cringing too obviously when you had to step over all my snotty tissues because I hadn't yet been able to get out of bed to throw them away. Thank you for not laughing at my super crazy, sticking up all over the place, hadn't been washed in 3 days hair. Thank you for not asking me when the last time I'd brushed my teeth was. No, wait, that might have been a good thing to do because I don't remember. Thank you for putting gas in my car even though I thought I was going crazy and had done it myself while doped up on cold medicine and/or high fever. Thank you for covering me in warm blankets when I couldn't stop shivering. And getting rid of said blankets a few minutes later when they were making me sweat. Thank you for letting me be in control of the remote, even though you knew it was time-limited since I was bound to pass our before 8pm. Thank you for honoring that whole "in sickness and in health" mumbo jumbo I think we spouted at some point.
Your (snotty, coughing, pitiful, feverish, clammy, whiny, germy, stinky, so damn sick) Loving Wife
Clearly you did not receive my previous message. You know, when I demanded, "there will be no more sick in this house". Either that or you didn't appreciate the sarcastic tone I used. Please note, I am sarcastic with everyone. Truly, it's not you, it's me. What I meant to say was "pretty, pretty please, make all the sick go away and not come back. Please? Pretty, pretty please?". That's how it was supposed to be worded at least. I mean, that's how it sounded in my head.
Becky (aka the woman who will blow snot on you if you don't make the sick go away. Sarcasm there)
Today's Lesson: Clearly there has not yet been enough sick at my house this winter. Please excuse me while I go blow my nose, take some cold medicine, and lay down to die. Because simply writing this blog post has exhausted the hell out of me.