Monday, November 21, 2011

Out of shape

Hey, remember when I was all like, "yeah, I've gotten all fat and out of shape and now I'm gonna change and let you know how that's going?" I've done a fabulous job of that. I know I've been inspirational and all that jazz. You're welcome.

Or, I said all that and then didn't do a damn thing differently. And thus, I have not only not become more healthy and not lost weight, to the contrary, I have become even more of a blob and gained even more weight. We had some family pictures done a few weeks ago.  While they are beautiful and my friend did a phenomenal job, I barely recognize myself. I look at what is apparently my face and I wonder who that is. My eyes are now squinty, hidden under bigger cheeks. My neck is hidden under a 2nd chin. I wonder where I am in all of that.

I think about all the reasons why I've continued to gain weight and be so unhealthy, and they're the same as they were all those months ago. It boils down to lack of physical activity and a lack of motivation to engage in physical activity. And that boils down to me being t-i-r-e-d. All. The. Time. The reasons are easy to identify. It's fair to blame exhaustion. It's a valid excuse.

But I keep coming back to those pictures. And wondering where I am in all of that. And where I have gone...

Today's lesson - change doesn't just happen. It necessitates work and commitment and then more work. Change is hard. Even when the results are something we really want. Change is hard.


panda said...

Change IS hard. I have likewise developed into a blob and am less than thrilled about it. I've started making major changes to what I (we) eat, but on the cusp of winter, I don't know how I'll step up the physical activity game.

Let's do this together! That's the one thing they say can make or break lifestyle changes, specifically weight loss - you need a buddy.

I hope both of us can get on track and find where changes need to be made and how to actually employ those changes. Not only for our babies, but for us. To be happier and healthier. We'll find ourselves under our insulating layers soon enough.

kerri said...

change is a bitch. but i completely relate to you when you said you looked at yourself and didn't recognize yourself. i think i actually said WTF one day when I looked in the mirror and actually paid attention.

i'll join you in your journey :)

Patience said...

Here from ICLW.

Also working on that change... specifically losing the weight I've gained from years of infertility treatments and self loathing. I do well for some time, and then fall off the wagon... so I am right there with you. Change is really hard.

My husband and I are a waiting family hoping to adopt soon. I work as a special education teacher and have a very special place in my heart for all social workers. :)

Have a wonderful day!

Jenn and Casey said...

Hi! Stopping by from ICLW. Fellow social worker here :) Change IS hard. I lost 114 pounds a few years ago. Hardest thing ever. Ugh. Anyway, just wanted to say I sympathize and look forward to reading more!

Emms said...

I keep saying the same thing. I'm gonna get back on the horse and work out. For the same reason it keeps not happening. Sheer exhaustion. Some day maybr itll happen, for both of us!

mrfitparent said...

Hi, I'm here from ICLW. I'm right there with you and haven't made any actual progress toward a regular exercise routine. There are so many reasons from one day to the next why it's simply impossible. My wife started the Couch to 5K program, and made some really good progress. I want to do that to, but for reasons this and that (and I mean this is an actual list of reasons, and most of them real) it doesn't happen. We just have to find a way to make it something that just has to happen. Like, no matter how much I don'wanna, I can't not go to the grocery store, or to my job.

Anyway, best of luck.

dspence said...

IComLeavWe #45:

Change IS hard and that's coming from another blob over here. Two birthdays ago, 29, I vowed to be in teh best shape of my life for 30. Now 30 has come and gone, just a few months away from 31, and I still haven't started. I need to get moving if I'm going to get there before 40...