Here, where ever that may be

E is 7. He'll be in 2nd grade in the fall. He does so well in school. We held him back for an extra year of preschool because he'd of been 4 for the first month or so of kindergarten (and 17 starting college) and that just didn't seem like the best idea. It's given him the opportunity to be a leader. It makes me proud to see the confidence this has given him. He's spunky. And funny. So funny. And still cuddly, though I do see an end of these days. He loves to read. Loves it. He has tantrums sometimes. Mostly when he's hungry. This child is the definition of "hangry". He talks and talks and talks, especially when he's tired. It's funny that I once worried about a language delay. He gives the best side eye.

The kid is 12. He just finished his first year in middle school. It was a growing experience for us all. Honestly, it was mostly hard. I gave in and had him diagnosed with ADHD, then started medicine. I was wrong to wait to so long. I should have agreed years ago. It's allowed him to shine through again. It's allowed him to read books, or do legos, or watch a movie, or do homework without getting up to do who knows what. It's allowed him to feel somewhat more successful at school. The 504 plan that came with the diagnosis (well, that I fought for with the diagnosis) has also helped. The meds also confirmed for me that there's more than just ADHD going on, nothing "serious" per say, but things that also make attention and school more challenging for him that it is for his peers. He joined the chorus and has loved it. After being "one and done" in orchestra and band, I'm thrilled he's found a musical outlet he loves. He grew 8in in a year and is now officially taller than me. By an inch and counting. He points it out often enough to remind me, but not so often as to be irritating as hell. I adore the person he is. We still have our days.

We got a dog. Her name is Luna. She was from the shelter. And she's adorable. Somehow she conned me into letting her onto the furniture. "My" chair has now become hers and she gets irritated with me when I sit in it. Or sometimes she just lays her head on my shoulder and agrees to happily share with me. She's recognized that I'm the responsible, reliable one the in the house. I'm mostly the only one who remembers to feed her. She follows me around the house nudging  the back of my knees with her nose when she needs food or water. The boys adore her. E a little more than she'd like sometimes. We're all learning from her.

In the fall, my father was found unresponsive in his apartment a few states away, where he's lived for more than 20 years. No one's certain how long he'd been there when he was found by a concerned internet friend and the police. Somehow, he wasn't dead. The alcohol, I suppose, has preserved him over the years. My aunt/his sister moved him back here and has yet to talk with me about this. She's had many conversations with my mother and my husband. My mother told her, thankfully, that she would not pressure me to reach out to him. If he wants a relationship, he can make the effort. He hasn't. It's okay. And it isn't.

I'm in grad school again for yet another post-graduate certificate. Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment. This time in play therapy. I'm working on becoming an LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker/therapist). I'm not certain that's what I actually want to do with my life, but it feels like moving forward. And I need some forward moving in my life. So, it's progress.

Today's Lesson: Sometimes, there are things that want to be said, but we've nowhere to say them. Sometimes, the saying of things out loud is too scary, too real. Sometimes, the writing of the things is safer. Sometimes, we have to find out where the safe places are. Sometimes, that is easier said than done.